Tag: daughter

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Hello Dear WordPress Followers,

I’d to take this moment to thank you all for reading my work, for being fans of what I write and believe in since I created my blog.

I’d also like to address that I’m working on writing more this year, expanding my words to touch more lives, and to share that I have some new and fun exciting project ideas on the way!

I’ve decided to create a “Professional Instagram” page, were I’d like to expose my poetry, quotes, short stories, advise through my knowledge, and display my soon to come videos or audio recordings!

I hope you all will follow and join me in this exciting journey!

Instagram: Kbeautifulmind__ (those are two _ _ )

Thanks y’all! I’m excited!

XO,

Kbeautifulmind

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1095


I lay here and look over at the box.

The pretty, pretty box you most definitely would have loved.

You didn’t pick it out, but I knew when I saw it that the colors, the shape, and the image imprinted represented the perfect place for your ashes to rest.

I look at the picture of us on the wall to the right of the box.

What I’d give to have you here again.

I close my eyes, tears begin to run down…

I allow the moment to take me back to that day.

I remember the garden like it was yesterday, the leaves were beginning to fall off from many of the trees.

The oranges we picked were so delighting to taste.

The wind was the perfect breeze, it was a chilly day but the sun was shinning and it helped keep us warm enough.

The laughs, the annoyance with the boys not wanting to take pictures anymore, and the shit talking we all did to each other.

“Just like super models…” said the photographer, and we gave each other a funny face and laughed.

You with that shy smile, and me with my perky giggle.

I miss you.

I miss bugging you for pictures.

I miss your laughter.

Your shy smile.

Your ridiculous jokes.

I miss your accent.

I miss your shit talking.

“Why you smile? Is not funny!”

I miss it all.

I miss taking care of you.

I wish I would have done it sooner, better.

Heck, I even miss rubbing your feet one thing I dreaded growing up…

“Mom, again!”

“Please, I am tired, I had a long day.”

“Ugh, fine but just FIVE minutes.”

I even miss fighting with you.

I want to fight with you.

Instead of fighting with them…

I want to fight with you.

Instead of fighting to making it through this…

I rather be fighting with you, instead of fighting myself to hold on.

1095 days. 1095 days since you been gone, and I’d give anything even just to fight with you again.

-Kbeautifulmind


This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times. 

Nothing has changed, they still light up the tree on Myrtle Ave. with many lights and the carolers still sing on Friday nights. 

The streets in town are filled with decore, just like they’ve always been filled before.  

Your favorite house still lights up so bright, and Santa still drives around town sharing his Christmas spirit with all the children at night. 

This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times. 

Yet, to me this holiday is just another cold winter night.

Christmas films are no longer enchanting and even though it’s that time of the year…

I don’t feel the cheer even with music, tamales, and family near.

Where did the magic go? 

I desire to know…

Because, I don’t feel the spirit anymore…

This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times.

It’s just not the same without you here.

-Kbeautifulmind 

I am proud.


(Photo by photographer friend: Instagram: @itsonwithjon)

As I think about my graduation slowly creeping up…

A part of me is excited and I can’t wait, and the other part of me is sad and just wants to get it over with.

To be honest, I’ve been super sad.

I wish my madresita linda could be there for me.

I know, I know… “She’ll be there in spirit!” “She gets the best view!” “She’ll be celebrating from up above!”

As you can see, I’ve heard them all, and I know these are all very true…

But, she won’t be there in physical form.

I can’t actually celebrate with her.

I can’t hug her, kiss her, squeeze her, scream with her, laugh with her, or even take a picture with her.

I can’t hear her saying, “I am so proud of you!”

I can’t, and knowing that just makes me miss her and want her there even more.

This special moment in my life and many others to come will just have to be “sad and happy.”

No matter how much time passes, they will always be bitter sweet.

During this entire emotional roller coaster I’ve been going through since April, one emotion I been sure about since day one is my “pride.”

I am so f&*%en proud!

I am proud that I am finally finishing. I am proud that I am receiving one of three degrees I need to follow my ultimate dream.

I am proud that I over came so much.

I am proud that I did it!

I did it, even after life kicking me to the grown on my ass, I did it.

After heartbreaks, illnesses, tears, cancer, death, grieving, family drama, stress, loss of sleep, hard work, more stress, and at times thinking I couldn’t…

I did it!

and even made honor role, yup you guys read right.

While running a household and dealing with so much more than I could handle sometimes… I made the honor role at, California State University of Dominguez Hills.

How can someone not be proud of these accomplishments?

However, being proud of myself is only a portion of it.

I am proud of my mother.

Mi madresita linda, que tanto lucho y se esfuerzo.

La que llego de indocumentada.

La que lucho, fue fuerte, y nunca se rajo.

and like she said…

“Sufri, pase hambres, y humillaciones. Llore, y asta me quise regresar por que estaba de arrimada. Pero aqui me quede. Y la vida me fregaba, pero yo segui adelante.”

“Asi es que, recuerden me con honor, y pongan se las pilas! Siempre hagan el esfuerzo de seguir  adelante. No dejen que nada ni nadien se les ponga en el camino.”

Therefore, she is who I am most proud of.


(Photo by photographer friend: Instagram: @itsonwithjon)

I am proud of her and honored to have been the daughter of an immigrant  guerrera (warrior)!

Anticipating my graduation,

Kbeautfiulmind

 

 

Until we meet again. 

“I think the hardest part of losing someone isn’t trying to say goodbye, it’s learning how to live without them that’s so unfavorable.” -Kbeautifulmind   
I knew I was going to have to say goodbye to my best friend from the moment they told us the cancer was terminal and every moment after that as we fought to pro long her life. 

Every doctors appointment, every ER visit, every chemo therapy, radiation therapy, and every sleepless night. I knew it. She tried to prepare me, she really did. 

For the most part I would always cry, but I was calm because she taught me to accept it through her peaceful and graceful way of facing it. 

She was one hell of a warrior! People think or say I’m strong, pphheewww they have no idea what strength is. She was like unstoppable! 

When the night of the 22nd hit, my life felt like it was crumbling at my feet and unfortunately those feelings comes back every once in a while and at random times. At night, in the car, at work, while cooking, in the shower, just at random. It’s painful every time, and at times even a bit frustrating. 

Any memory done with out her reminds me that she should be here and all the ones remembered with her break my heart that those were it. 

It’s like someone ripping off the bandaid again and reminding you that the wound is still there. I miss her like freaken crazy, and I told her it wouldn’t be easy…

“No matter how much you prepare me, the day you go it won’t be easy. When will I see you again? Talk to you? Hug you? When mom!?” 

And she said to me calm with grace in her voice; “Until we meet again…. That’s when.” 🐘💕 
So until then, I live. 

I live for her. 

At times in tears, fear, and plenty of stress. However, I live in strength, grace, and as resilient as possible just like she raised me. 

Until the day comes, that we finally meet again. 

-Kbeautifulmind 

Like a Butterfly

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You tuck me in, turn out the lights,
kept me safe and sound at night,
little girls depend on things like that.
You taught me how to dress myself, and almost always combed my hair, helped build my self-esteem and helped me build a heart that cares.
You had to deal with my funny moods, but calmed me down before I turned blue, reminding me that I would be alright.
You were always there when I looked back, the two of us made quite a team, never did I think we’d ever be separated quite so fast.
You had to do it all alone, a single mom who had to make a living and make a home.
It must have been as hard as it could be, but even through all the struggles and hard times, you kept a smile on your face not letting us see how much of you life would take.
And when I couldn’t sleep at night, scared things wouldn’t turn out right
you would hold my hand and simply tell me…
“Just like caterpillar in the trees, how you wonder who you’ll be, but with time you will see.
Don’t you worry, hold on tight.
I promise you there will come a time, where like a butterfly you will also spread your wings.”
-Kbeautifulmind

💜

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…and it was in that moment, as she sat underneath that beautiful tree that she felt true peace and  happiness in her heart. It was the breeze of the wind in her hair, and the the way the sun peeked through the beautiful flowers and touched her skin, that made her see that she will never be alone.
For her angel will always be there with her, right by her side.
-Kbeautifulmind