What if I fell into a coma…

Today I sit here tired and bored getting paid to do nothing.
I should be taking this time to start working on my term paper but my brain is filled with so many other thoughts.
Life can be such a handful, I begin to think about all that has gone wrong in my life and all that has gone right.
I have fallen as many times as I have been lifted up yet the falling always seems to hurt more.
Today the scars outweight my heart and I begin to wonder or imagine this story of what would happen if I fell into a coma.
I wouldn’t want to check out for a long time maybe 3 months max, into a deep sleep where my body, mind and soul just gets to rest and rebut it’s self so that it comes back with a stronger grip on life.
There is so many questions I’d want answered when I woke up.
What did I miss?
Who still lives?
Who was born?
Who was worried about me?
And who stood by my side for all 3 months?
I also began to wonder what If I woke up and remebered nothing?
Would I be okay starting over with a blank slate?  Or would I miss some of it?
Who would I remember? What would I forget?

I almost drove myself crazy thinking about this. I mean seriously it would be a big deal to be able to check out like that with the possibility that you might wake up knowing no one or remembering nothing!?

In a way it would be nice, even though my past makes me the better person I am today, If some of these memories could be erased I would no longer have to feel some of the pain and hurt that haunts me on random days.

Then I relized that even though there is more things I would like to forget then those I want to remember; If I actually forgot a lot of these things I’d probably feel empty.
I began to realize that its the memories in my life that make me who I am and have kept me going.

However I have to admit it be nice to at least have the option…

Maybe, just maybe if it could be as easy as grabbing it all like a group of documents or pictures you no longer want or need and putting them in a fire pit, watching them burn slowly and once they were done burning they’d be gone forever. If they could be gone but still leave me with the good lessons and not take away my new persona with them would I take it? Would I be willing to let go of everything in order to no longer hurt until of course getting hurt again?

Its a very interesting thought…. isn’t it?
What would you do?

I might take burning it all over the coma… If only.



Something in side me….


There is something in side of me that eats at me.
This something comes along at random times of the day; ruining my mood, making me loose focus and making me weaker everytime.
I can be happy and in a good mood, thinking positive, and then it shows up like a wild beast ready to destroy me.
It always starts off with my brain and it argues with me in side my head.
What did you do?
What are you doing?
What’s going on?
What’s coming next?
I quickly question it and ask “What are you talking about? Everything is great!”

But it shakes it’s head at me saying “You can fool everyone else but you can not full me”
After my mind it moves slowly and takes over my heart like a tumor swallowing it slowly, not wanting it to live.
It brings me to tears, and I feel my lungs drying up, Im loosing air…
“Could I die like this?”

It’s making me feel like I’m not enough, like the fault is all mine…

That’s when I begin to think that maybe I’m not so tough.

And then…

Something inside me wakes up, and it fights!

And I fight it and even though it takes a little piece of me every time it can’t seem to ever take me hole.

And I say to it…

“I will never let you take me out that way”