Question from one of my readers

“What’s the scariest thing you have learned from this life?”

That nothing is forever.

And from this I’ve learned that a moment of happiness might only be for that moment, and you must accept that there is a high chance that you will never feel it again.

-Kbeautifulmind

-Kbeautifulmind

Infidelity

Last night I found out about a man who cheated on his wife and had another child with the side chick.
The wife didn’t leave him and they were married until he passed and they had sixteen kids.
I found myself feeling so disappointed, as I know a couple of his daughter’s who always spoke so highly of him and his husband/father skills.
I went to my two best friends and told them about it.
One of them is at work so she didn’t say much.
But the other one told me “Honestly Kelsey, I feel infidelity has been this common since men and women existed. We just find out about it so fast now because of media and the gadgets we have. I feel that when love is true, only you know what you can work with and if you can or can’t stick around. Maybe infidelity is meant to be worked through?”
I saw where she was coming from but to an extent I didn’t understand nor do I still understand.
So then I asked myself
“Why did you try working through it?”
A couple years ago I got into a relationship that knocked me out of my feet.
I had known true, honest and genuine love before that but it was young love and we both wanted different things.
However this second relationship was crazy, never boring, always felt like there was something new going on and it kept me on my feet. At first I thought I liked it, the excitment of the feeling of trouble and adventure….
Till the lies and the cheating started. Now I’ll give him some credit, it wasn’t cheating like he was hooking up or sleeping around. It was innocent “flirt texting, pictures sent, etc.” Till now from my knowledge there was no physical activity.
However, it killed me.
I went from a confident, happy, good girl to a unsecured, worried, depressed, stressed girl who was no longer liking the feeling of playing with fire.
I’d freak out when I’d see him pick up his phone and text, I’d worry when I didn’t know where he was and so on.
Now I wasn’t extreme like the “memes” on social media explain us chick’s to be now in days.
I didn’t check his phone bill or text everyday, he didn’t report to me, I didn’t call to see where he was, etc.
Why?
Well because I believed that no matter how short or long I heald the leash, a dog was going to be a dog and do as he pleased either way.
But I still thought I loved him, so I stayed.
I stayed and worked through it, I listened and accepted his apologies and I let him prove himself, and he did.
He arrived with flowers, took me on little surprised adventures, texted me twenty-four seven and did all he could to make me forget.
Sadly I never did, the text messages, the calls, the email, and the pictures had haunted me. They had haunted me so bad I was unhappy, I’d cry all the time on my own, I didn’t take care of my image and when I got hit on I’d feel bad about myself instead of flattered.
The questions I always asked him and myself were, “Why are you doing this to me? What do I have to do to be better? Why am I not good enough? Do you not have what you want here that you have to go look somewhere else?”
It came to the point where I no longer knew who I was anymore, to top it off I had a mother dying of cancer and things weren’t so good all around.
Anyway, just so you guys know that stuff only happen during the first year or so, the last three years seemed fine, I don’t think he was talking to anyone else but the damage had been done.
I wasn’t over it, when we had good days, weeks, months, I still wouldn’t let it rest.
I’d pray to God to let me find out one more thing so I could walk away.
I’d imagine these scenarios in my head before bed, in the shower, in class about how I’d catch him one last time, prove myself right that he was still a dog, and I’d walk away with what was left of me…
Unfortunetly it didn’t exactly happen like that.
I got dumped and blamed for it. I was told that this was all my fault, that I had lost myself, that I wasn’t the same happy, motivated, and romantic gal he had fell in-love with.
Boy, was I crushed.
I couldn’t believe that during my time of grieving my mother’s death he was going to walk out on me.
That wasn’t how the story was suppose to end, if any one was suppose to walk away it should have been me. I kept telling myself, “How dare he? After all I delt with? After all the chances I gave him? And yet this is all my fault?”
To end the story only weeks later and after some investigating it all came out to light. I just couldn’t get myself to buy the excuse of “I need some time alone.”
I had observed this guy for years even before we got romantically involved, and if it’s one thing I knew about him was that he could NEVER be alone. So to my findings I was right! There had already been someone else in the picture, he was already talking to someone else only this time he didn’t get caught which allowed it to continue for who knows how long, and he walked away with her.
I’ll admit, I was SO HAPPY. I finally had the proof I needed to know this wasn’t my fault. I cried at the findings of the betrayal and at the fact that she was so ugly (from my taste in woman that is) but man did it motivate me.
There I was ready to feel alive again,  finally that big weight I carried for years off my shoulders, and ready to love myself and find true happiness again.
So I tell my story because yes I guess you can work through infidelity but will you ever feel the same again? Will you ever feel like you did when you first met the person? I know I didn’t.
I guess that’s just the one thing that scares me, if infidelity is as common as they say, and everyone does it…
Then maybe like Usher once sang…
“I don’t want to know, if your playing me, please keep it on the low.”
In all seriousness, everyone should think twice before they give into temptation, yes it’s fun but if you love your significant other, if they mean the world to you just remember that if you crush them you are destroying your best friend. Imagine them in bed with someone else moaning the way only you have made them moan, and ask yourself…
“Is it worth it?”
It really isn’t, once trust is broken it can be so hard to get it back.
Back to me, I guess I just pray I find someone with the same views as mine.
It’s a scary world out there…

Just sharing my thoughts and story,
Kbeautifulmind

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I am not your mother and I can’t be your sister, but I promise you baby girl I’ll always be your friend.
I promise to always love you and make you laugh the best that I can.
I will listen to you when you want me to, and advise you when you ask for it.
I will do my best to encourage you to do good, and show you that I believe in you.
I will share my knowledge of life with you, and will always be by your side to cheer for you.
I will understand you like a mother,
I will be here for you like a sister,
But most of all I will love you like a friend.
I am your auntie, and I will love you forever and always.
-Kbeautifulmind

Isn’t it crazy?

My mom, my family, my friends, and lovers, they’ve always praised it.
What you ask?
Well my big heart.
They’ve always told me that having such a heart was a privilege to have, a unique gift in deed.
My mother would say…
Being nice will always bring you good karma.
People will always envy your strenght and courage, because they know that even when times are bad you’ll always come out on top.
My family would say…
We love how you don’t fight for the pointless things, you always let things go and let god take care of what you can’t control.
My friends would say…
You’re always here when we need you, and you listen to our thoughts.
You are caring, you go the extra mile and you always try.
You’re a shoulder to lean on, when someone needs to cry.
My lovers would say…
You are so compassionate, and you believe in (me.)
You don’t give up, and you fight for the both of us.
You don’t hold grudges and you truly forgive.
You give so many chances, and still trust in thee.
All these things were nice to hear, and I know it benefit them all…
But why wasn’t anyone ever honest with me?
Why didn’t they say that being this way would also affect me in deed?
People know how to take advantage of me, assuming I’ll always be “okay,” because I am strong.
Why didn’t they tell me that being nice would bring me more tears than smiles, pretty rainbows, and graceful love?
Why didn’t they tell me that wearing my heart on my sleeve would get me hurt, for the most part?
Why didn’t they warn me, that people would always know that it was the perfect weapon they could use against me?
Isn’t it crazy?
That no one could tell me that what they loved so much about me, is the one thing that would destroy me?
and this was something they all knew…
-Kbeautifulmind

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So many times I hear men say,
“Women/girls are so needy, they can never be happy!”
“Do women really like that romantic shit? Why do I need to buy her some flowers, or her favorite chocolate to show her I care?”
(In my head I respond: Why should she give you a bomb ass blow job, or take care of any of your needs on the daily?) (Just a reminder men, you can get a nice bouquet of flowers for like $20 and you’ll both be happy.)

Some men STILL see nothing wrong with going days with out talking to her, with going out and not bothering with her, with forgetting to call back/or replying to a text that takes 2 FREAKEN SECONDS. They see nothing wrong with not reminding her they care, and get annoyed when she “complains” about what she’s missing.

Now I get it some men lack the romance bone, but if you have a good woman effort is ALWAYS noticed!
If you have a woman who wakes you up to take care of your needs, who pays attention, and who makes effort, just rememeber that expectations are usually that you return the care and love.
A woman doesn’t ask for attention because she’s “needy” or wants you to be like a puppy dog at her feet ready to bark when she calls. (At least not all women)
She longs for that late night call or morning call because it tells her you’re thinking about her.
She squirms at the little details and surprises because it reminds her you care and she’s been on your mind.
She blushes at the kisses on the four head, the kiss on the hand when your driving, and the smack on her ass when she walks by because it tells her you desire her.
She sighs at the gentleman gestures like opening the door, holding her hand, and holding her close because it tells her you want to protect her.

If she’s asking for these things and you are not doing them, it’s not that she is being “needy” or “annoying.”
Don’t you get it? She cares a shit load about you!

It’s that you’re the man that holds her heart, you’re the man she wants, and so she just wants to feel wanted TOO.

It’s honestly very simple, and if you’re not doing it because your intentions are not to be her lover and or protector than step aside already and let another man take over.

This goes both ways ladies!
If you want flowers, take care of your man, make him feel wanted too.
-Kbeautifulmind