He was just a kid.
Still young, unsure, with the desire to continue to be playful.
A little boy with a beautiful balloon.
She was the balloon, she had the helium, the power was in her hands.
When a little boy gets such a unique and rare balloon, he doesn’t know what to do with it.
He feels lucky enough to have at least one balloon but doesn’t understand why he just can’t have them all, so he takes it for granted.
He is holding that string and keeping the balloon from going anywhere, but he also wants to let it go.
So he wants to let it go, and he wants to catch it.
He isn’t sure of what he wants, eventually he loses it.
Unfortunetly that’s the one thing he was sure of, he didn’t want to lose it.
(Inspired by “The helium balloon”-Wale)
Love can make you feel hopeless.
It’s hard to be friendly with someone seeing too many people.
It’s hard to believe everything is going to be alright, when your fear to trust others only seems to be making things harder.
It’s hard to trust others, when those you trust keep taking you for granted.
This shit gets easier when you find people that share your same dreams.
Unfortunetly today’s society makes it hard to detect who these people are.
Everyone’s got some kind of mask to protect themselves.
So you take chances, and even when it seems good it could be bad, and when it seems bad it can get good, you just never know.
But is it worth the risk?
Make someone your all and they don’t like it, they take it for granted and destroy it.
People don’t want someone who wants them, we always want someone we can’t have easily.
Don’t make them your priority and you might be saving yourself from getting hurt but you can also be losing them and later regretting it.
Only a little after they walk away you end up realizing you lost one of the best things you could have had in this life.
So how do you follow your heart but also pay attention to what you want?
Maybe you just want to have fun and do your own thing, but what if from all the fun you end up losing?
What if you do want love, but you just don’t want to yet?
Will you be able to get it again if you take care of your needs first? Can you come back?
Some people meet again, but some just live on missing the one that got away.
So how do you decide?
What if you’re the one falling?
Do you wait? What is too long?
And where is the insurance that it will be worth it?
Than there is rules you have to follow, because to everyone around you it’s about how your looking, and stupid is the last thing you want to be known for.
The whole thing just begins to make you feel hopeless at times, it’s mental succide, and taking chances can get scary.
At times you want to feel hopeless, because being hopeless means you don’t care, and that in itself makes you feel protected.
When you have felt pain so constant, being hopeless just seems more comforting.
Even if that’s not what your heart truly desires.
The thing about me is that I don’t care if something doesn’t come easy. I’ve always had to work hard for everything in my life, so I accept the challenge.
But if it seems like I’ll be ending at a dead end…
I rather stop on my track and turn around before I get stuck.
That’s just setting yourself up.
I’ve learned this the hard way.
You are not on this earth to understand why everything happens, or to figure out if what you believe in is real. The more you stress it, the less you’ll know. The more you worry the less happiness you allow in, and the more you expect the more disappointment you’ll find.
You are here to live and be happy with the now, to love unconditionally, to make a difference and spread positivity, and to accept that nothing lasts forever.
If you let life take its course and focus on being happy, everything else will work it’s self out.
Every year is a milestone, around this time last year I was so unhappy with my life and my self.
I couldn’t understand why life took the turns it did, and why I no longer had my best friend by my side. I believed in people who didn’t believe in me, and I got comfortable with discomfort. I lost myself on my road to happiness, and followed the path of destroying myself, for the chance of pleasing others.
I’ve always been a “planner,” almost never missing a deadline of what I set myself out to do. Therefor disappointment is something I don’t take very lightly and when things don’t work out my way, I always end up very mad at myself.
However, every year is a milestone…
and this year has taught me so, so much, I am forever grateful.
Thanks to the past, I am off my fairytale horse and I’ve never felt more satasfied, alive, and happy🌻
You tuck me in, turn out the lights,
kept me safe and sound at night,
little girls depend on things like that.
You taught me how to dress myself, and almost always combed my hair, helped build my self-esteem and helped me build a heart that cares.
You had to deal with my funny moods, but calmed me down before I turned blue, reminding me that I would be alright.
You were always there when I looked back, the two of us made quite a team, never did I think we’d ever be separated quite so fast.
You had to do it all alone, a single mom who had to make a living and make a home.
It must have been as hard as it could be, but even through all the struggles and hard times, you kept a smile on your face not letting us see how much of you life would take.
And when I couldn’t sleep at night, scared things wouldn’t turn out right
you would hold my hand and simply tell me…
“Just like caterpillar in the trees, how you wonder who you’ll be, but with time you will see.
Don’t you worry, hold on tight.
I promise you there will come a time, where like a butterfly you will also spread your wings.”
Nothing in life should be that hard.
However it also shouldn’t be too easy, it should take work, and effort.
However, it shouldn’t stress you or worry you to the point of insanity.
If it’s worth it or good for you it should have a natural balance.
If it doesn’t…
Get rid of it.
Revenge is petty, hatred is a waist of energy, and trying to understand evil is hopeless.
Just remind yourself, karma will take care of them.
Today I took a walk in our favorite garden.
First time we discovered this place was as a family.
Second time I came here you asked me to bring you.
We grabbed lunch and spent the evening here just talking, and I almost chocked on my food.
You said, “Dios mio, you can’t die, then I die, then the kids would really be screwed!”
I laughed so hard my rice came out my nose.
I came here today because you been on my mind a lot, I miss you.
Everything is way harder than I thought, and I don’t even know if I’m doing it right?
I have accepted that you’re gone but sometimes I just want to feel you, to know you’re there, one more talk?
It gets very frustrating…
I wish you’d knock something over in the room, or make the lights flicker, something…?
I know wearing your ashes around my neck gives me a piece of mind, but sometimes I just want to feel you, and when I get nothing I begin to feel hopeless as I see no reassurance that you are there.
As I walked today, remembering you laugh, your funny jokes, and how annoyed you’d get when I kiss or hugged you “too much,” I ran into this heart, not sure who took their time to make it, but I think this was the sign I needed.
Glad to know you are still here♡