The day after my mom had the “tamales” talk with me, she made the decision to put a stop to all treatment. They had just finished radiation in the body parts that had been first exposed and they were getting ready to start on the head. Since the radiation started she couldn’t eat, poop, or function properly. She was officially sick, she looked sick and excuse my mouth but she also felt like shit. We went to her doctors appointment that morning and after the check up, questions and small talk she told the doctor; “I want to stop, I can’t do it any more.” In shock the doctor just said “I know its hard, and I understand but it’s now in your head?” And she replied to him… “I know but that is okay, I want to leave my life in the hands of god. I’m really sick doctor and I rather spend 10 good days being able to function with my kids and spend those last days happy with them then 30 in a bed where I can’t even stand myself.” In that moment I felt like she was already dying. After the talk of the night before and now this it felt like this was it. I cried and I cried, asking god; “Please, please let me have her a little longer”
The next day, we were at our house talking with a friend that came by and she had said “That’s right Maricela! Only the lord knows when he will be ready for us” Thinking out loud I said “I just hope he leaves her a little while longer…”
and then she told me; “Don’t negotiate with him! Don’t ask him please god one more month? Year? Two or Three?”
I said… “I know but I don’t want to ask for too much?”
and she told me “Nothing is too much for our lord, miracles do exist and as long as you talk to him and ask him he’ll listen, tell him not to take her yet. Tell him I understand you need her but I need her too and I want her here with me for a much longer time!”
In that moment I realized she was right? Why was I telling god “Please let me have her for a little longer” when truly I wanted her here for a long long time!
and in that moment I realized she was right… so that night I told him and begged him to please make her feel better. I asked him to please let me have her for a really long time and please please cure her god, if you are up there and can hear me, please cure my mom lord, please.
With a stronger faith then yesterday,