Tag: self love

True capacity of living

When you have come to realize that your happiness is internal, you have reached the true capacity of living.

You have found that that the external forces of this world are irrelevant, and completely out of your control.

You have found that they do not bring or create your internal happiness.

You have found that only you can decide what you make of this life, and how far you are willing to go to succeed and accomplish all of your dreams.

You have found that you are enough and do not acquire anything to feel complete.

When you have come to realize that your happiness is internal, you have come to realize that you are free from expectations or desires to be able to live.

When you come to realize that your happiness is internal, you have reached the true capacity of living…

and you are now complete.

-Kbeautifulmind

 

2015

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Two Thousand-Fifteen is coming to an end, and as most of us agree things could have been better. We always sit there at the end of the year and say “New Year please be good to me, please be better.” However, did you take the time to reflect? Did you accomplish your goals and resolutions? And if not, why? And how are you going to make sure that doesn’t happen again?
We must remember that nothing can ever be perfect and we must appreciate what we did get out of the previous year, before we start asking for more or “better.”

I can honestly say 2015 was as amazing and as intense as the year could have been.

So many things have changed: My perspectives, my goals, my dreams, my desires, my relationships, my mentality, my feelings, and the people in my life.

I started the year with certain goals, dreams, and perspectives and some have changed as some continue to stay the same. Many were accomplished and/or are close to being accomplished as we enter the new year. I finally began new projects I had been wanting to for so long and I can not wait till I am done and see the final results.

My desires have definitely grown as I’ve found personal growth within my self. I am a lot more satasfied and confident with my body and soul.

I learned that days will be rough but, I must finish everyday and be done with it, and when that doesn’t work… a good laugh or long sleep can cure anything.

My relationships haven’t changed too much. I started the year with certain important people by my side and all of them are still here. I made some new friends, some which didn’t stick it through but others who I can tell are here to stay. I continued to be humble and grateful for all the love and support I receive, and I’ve learned to not take those that have been good to me for granted because I know how lucky I am to have them in my life.

I didn’t find strong love that happened to change my romantic relationship status. (Still single and mingling, lol maybe not the mingling part) However, I did meet people that helped me see that even at 25 you can still feel butter flies and pure happiness. I learned that nothing is forever or will workout the way you hoped but, enjoying the moment is just as fun and pleasurable and memories will always live on. I learned that everyone has a purpose as they entered your life, and if they aren’t here to stay is because one of you had to learn something from the other one.

Most importantly, I learned to fully heal from the scars that had been caused by the past and I’m learning to know exactly what I want and will not accept. I met people that made the cells in my body jump with excitement by just a simple touch, and I have decided I never want to settle for any other feeling than that one. I learned that feelings aren’t reciprocal and thats okay, for the worth you saw in someone, someone else will see in you someday.

I’ve made my peace with everything and everyone, and I found closure myself and within myself which was the most important successful achievements of them all.

I’m not angry at the end of this year, nor do I have any resentments; I’m simply grateful for everything and everyone that have helped me learn and grow so much.

Over the last year, I have finally learned how to become the higher version of myself. I realized that happiness and comfort is something internal and eternal forces should not be depended on for my comfort or  happiness.

Over the last year, I finally understood.

-Kbeautifulmind

Some women are like the moon

Their beauty glows whether they walk hand in hand with someone, or alone.
They have learned to love themselves, and have managed to stay humble, paying no attention to those that envy them.
Their good and heart warming, and have a way of bringing the world peace and comfort.
They are fascinating and admirable.
They don’t often tell you what they are capable of, but you just see it in how they carry them selves.
Their strength, independency, and positive vibes inspire others…
without realization.
They constantly maintain a smile on their face, no matter how big the storm gets.
Their laugh brings up the mood of those around them.
These women at times go unnoticed yet, that never seems to be an issue for them.
Because, some women are like the moon…
The moon doesn’t behave like it is above anyone, it just quietly shines.

-Kbeautifulmind

This time next year.

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“God is within her, she will not f a l l.”

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Last night I had a selfie session.
As I thought about how screwed up my life was this time last year…
I smiled, because I am so proud of myself and how much I have over came as a person.
How much I have grown, and how positive I kept my mind and spirit.
Then I thought about how much I still need to over come…
Something in my gut just tells me that all the worries I hold in my heart now, won’t be anything by this time next year.
Stay positive people!
Kbeautifulmind

Stop aging, and start growing.

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Ever wonder why some people are less mature than other people of the same age?
Now, there is nothing wrong with a woman/man that can be a kid at heart at the right time.

I personally will forever enjoy sitting on a swing at the park, or filling up some water balloons in the summer and having an epic water balloon fight.

Anyway, I’m talking about those people that even though they have aged by the years, they continue to react with ignorance to different life situations.
I mean, I’ll admit I am guilty of stooping down to the level of some of these people sometimes…
(I’m sure we all do it)

However, in my defense I usually don’t start anything.
For the most part, I try my very best to stir away from immature people.

Anyway…

I’m
talking about those who have aged but, still have not grown to take responsibility for their own actions or mistakes.

I don’t know about you guys, but every time I encounter people like this I ask myself… “Why?”

I learned the other day, that these people may have a birthday every year but some of them do not necessarily allow them selves to grow from the year they got to live.
They don’t allow themselves to learn from their mistakes, nor to take the life lessons they have received and grow from them.
Instead, some of these people continue to allow themselves to play victims, to act like it’s everyone else’s fault why things happen to them, and to make themselves believe that if they ignore the issues they have encountered or the issues they have with themselves… it will all just “poof” and dissappear.

If you are one of these people, sorry pal, it doesn’t work that way!

Not only do they do this but some of them also allow their experiences to become so profound and they still won’t address them.
Instead they store them in and lock them up.
Only later realizing how much this way of living has hurt them and stopped them from growing as a person.

So I say…
“Stop aging, and start growing!”

As you evolve over the years as a person, you must confront your issues with personal growth. If not, you are aging but you are not growing. This is the only way to actually be able to live and have the opportunity to really look back and say…

“Wow, look at how far I’ve came, look at how much I’ve changed, look at how much I’ve GROWN.”

My mom always said…
“If one person says it, they are just being nasty. But if multiple people say it, over, and over, even the ones you know truly love you… then you might have some self observing to do.”

So with that said, pay close attention to yourself and who you reflect as a person. 
Don’t go changing yourself just because one person told you there is something wrong.
Take in the criticism and see what it means, if changing would better you as a person, and if it’s coming from a person that matters and who’s intentions are good.
It’s learning to see yourself through the eyes of others who matter, to better understand yourself and truly grow.

-Kbeautifulmind

Closing down the love factory…

I have a couple close friends I talk to on a daily basis.

I am a horrible at texting at times and I almost never answer my phone, but they manage to work with me and I work with them.

We all put in a lot of effort to keep in touch throughout the days even if we don’t see each other constantly.

No one plays victim, or whines about how I or THEY are “horrible” friends.

Why? well because we are grown and mature enough to know that it’s all a part of being an adult.

Anyway… we will save that topic for another blog.

So…

My point was…

I have one girlfriend that in a sense loves like I do…

Hopelessly.

She like I… is a poet, an artist, and the a big hopeless romantic.

So guess what our main topics usually consists of?

L O V E

and

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

One of our most frustrating struggles is that we care too much.

We are woman who will fight and do whatever it takes to make things right.

We over love at times and we over push to make things right.

We visit the past all the time, and we try to find the closure we “feel” we need.

Yes I said feel, and I say this because we both know very well that not every situation needs closure or a happy ending…

But…

our big hearts, our personas, or our souls just don’t allow us to live by this motto.

Instead we wait for the apology we might never get, we want to stay friends with people we dated, and we think everyone is some how meant to stay in our lives.

I know, we are a bit crazy.

or…

we just love too hard?

Not sure.

I think we just see the good in the ugly.

Anyway, we aren’t like stokers or anything… so don’t freak out ha ha.

So in the middle of our conversation the other day…

I was explaining to her how I do not understand how people can become involved with you, come into your life or path, and just hurt you?
or…
Just cut you off and leave you there like some slap of ribs on the floor for the dogs to eat, without some kind of peace treaty or closure?

I guess I just don’t have it in me to hurt people in such selfish way.

I mean, I know I’ve broken hearts and I’ve had my share of rejecting…

but, usually I make sure that it’s understood and it’s ended peacefully.

I guess that’s the part of me that expects every situation to end in a happy ending.

If it was up to me, every single person I’ve ever dated (except for like two of them) would still be my friend.

Those that have hurt me would have apologized and we’d leave things in a peaceful treaty.

We’d pass by each other on the streets and say hello, or maybe even grab coffee and catch up once in a while…

Those that have said “I want to stay friends” would mean it and actually check up on me once in a while and see how I am doing…

But, realistically that is impossible.

and…

probably not healthy ha ha.

So in the conversation I made a joke but, serious statement where I told her; “I am closing down the love factory, for a bit.”

She laughed and said; “Me too! Before I become one of those bitter chicks.”

I laughed and said; “Yeah, we don’t want to become that…”

However, that is definitely not my reason why.

I have made this decision for a couple good reasons and have decided to make it a firm promise.

Now, If the “one” were to come knocking on my door, I wouldn’t be like “LEAVE.” Ha.
But…

I just feel like my desire for having “someone” is no longer as big as my desire for happiness.

I actually enjoy being alone.

I have always enjoyed it.

I love to shop alone, I don’t mind enjoying a meal for one, and I’ll even go to a movie alone without a care in the world.

However, sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to, to share with, to face time, and to adventure with.

So I am not “shutting out” on love and the hope to find someone to team up with in this cruel world.

But, I am directing my focus on other things for the mean time.

I’d like to put all my time and heart into my career.

I love the field I am studying, and I am eager to start practicing it as soon as possible.

I want to travel, take on new hobbies, and rekindle the old ones I have lost touch with.

I want to be joyful, I want to be happy and truly satisfied with myself.

I will say, getting your heart-broken makes you a bit disappointed and hopeless…

But, it also teaches you a lot and I have built so much self-love, peace, and strength that my only desire is to continue to grow and build that even stronger.

I want to be so good with just me, that I never forget my worth and how valuable I am.

This is important, for the reason that the person I settle down with someday has to be at my same level.

I refuse to settle.

I want to build a strong empire someday, a team so strong that it can conquer anything life throws at us.

For that goal, I know I must first be good with myself.

So good that I know and any one that I come across will know…

that I will not settle for anything less.

I refuse to mess this vision up, or cloud it with anyone one that I KNOW just doesn’t fit the standard.

As our generation would say “No more fuck boys”

But in my words…

No more games, or unsure feelings.

What I will accept right now is friendships, true genuine friendships…

If with time something builds from one of them or someone comes along worthy of my commitment then, I will be so good with myself that I will be capable of loving them like they deserve.

Looking forward to the re-opening of the love factory,

Kbeautfulmind

A question from a reader…

Tonight I received another “critic”

One of my readers asked me…

“Why are you so bitter about your last relationship?

I understand cheating is wrong, but do you ever think that maybe he just didn’t love you anymore?”

I don’t want to sound mean but, you really need to move on and let him be happy!”

Now I wasn’t going to respond to this, because obviously my “reader” is not a big fan of my writing…

But, eh why not?

So…

I’d like to start by defending myself a little and state that I have moved on.

I am very proud to say that I have taken it into my own hands and forgave him for all of the pain he caused me.

To tell you the truth, I’ve never been happier. Honest to god!

However, I understand why my post about infidelity make me seem “bitter.”

So let me address it for you.

I am not bitter, and the pain I had felt was not because, he no longer “loves” me.

Also in my defense, I have never done anything to bother him, or hold him back from his happiness.

When I think of a cheater, I think of a student glancing at her/his notes under the desk very quickly because she can’t seem to remember the term she studied about for hours!

I think of a card player winning a game of Black Jack only because he counted the cards.

You see, this action that ruins relationships between two people who have promised a commitment to each other isn’t “cheating.”

This action is more like…

Lying, betrayal, disrespect, abuse, broken, murder, selfishness, and of course weakness.

So, my dear reader…

The pain I or ANYONE has felt after being “Cheated” on isn’t a reaction of “not wanting to move on” OR not accepting that maybe he “just didn’t love me anymore.”

If I am being honest, I think I’ll never know if he actually loved me.

I know he loved the idea of me?

I just don’t believe you can intentionally hurt someone when you love them.

You don’t kill the persons trust for you when you love someone.

When you truly LOVE, you don’t intentionally hurt the person in the same way more than once.

As I was saying…

Cheating is so painful because it makes the one being cheated on feel like they were at fault.

You see…

You fall in love with someone who could never and has never loved you back.

You make excuses, you defend, and you protect this person.

You FIGHT with all your might to try to convince not only those around you but, YOURSELF that he/she is better than how they are representing themselves.

You fight for the good you see in them, until the ugly over powers you and smacks you down on your ass.

Then…

You feel like an idiot.

You feel stupid, low, ashamed, and embarrassed.

You begin to regret all the chances you gave them, and start asking yourself… ‘What were you thinking?”

You are left there to pick up the pieces up on your own.

It ends up being all on you to accept the apology you might never receive, to forgive someone who doesn’t need your forgiveness, and to forget.

Now, I don’t mean forget as in forget about the person… because once you’ve seen how bad they are for you, that is not so hard.

But, forget as in forget all the fight you gave, only to lose.

I never thought of myself as a woman who makes bad choices…

So, when I was left alone to accept that this time around I had…

I guess it tends to make you a bit “bitter” so you say.

So to answer your question…

“I am not “bitter” about getting “cheated” on, I am disappointed I fought for something that wasn’t worth fighting for and that is what my posts are about.

-Kbeautfiulmind