Hello everyone! It feels good to be back, semester is over so that’s a relief and will give me a little more time to myself 🙂
Mother’s Day is also around the corner and Im so grateful my momma is here with me to celebrate the wonderful woman she is. You know not so long ago when I found out about her cancer I could feel it destroying me, making me loose hope and faith.However I managed to get it back…
Because the truth is that Cancer can not do many things after all it ends up being the weakest disease there has ever been.
So your probably wondering What is it that cancer can not do?
Well….
Cancer cannot cripple love. There is nothing in the world that can destroy true love, weather its family, or a romantic lover, when the love is true and its that feeling that’s tattooed on your heart it stays there forever weather that person is around or not. The love I have for my mom is so strong that nothing or anyone could ever take that away from me.
Cancer cannot shatter hope. Hope is something that also just lives in your heart because no matter how hard life may be on you at times, if you have hope you truly have everything.
Cancer cannot dissolve faith. Faith is in the air we breath, faith is what keeps many of us going as we remind our selves that things will turn out just the way they need to be.
Cancer cannot destroy peace. If peace is and has always lived within the person, no matter the drama or issues that person manages to relax and view life differently.
Cancer cannot suppress memories. There is nothing in this world that will ever take away any of the memories my mom and I have made and will continue to make together.
Cancer cannot silence courage. I know that from experience being the daughter of the strongest woman I have ever met and watching her fight and destroy all the bad feelings and energies that try to surround her as she makes it known and as it shows in her person that she will not allow anything to stand in her way.
Cancer cannot invade the soul. Having cancer has made my mom relive and remember how lucky she is for another day and how wonderful she is as a person who deserves nothing but the best.
Cancer cannot destroy us and if we feel like it is we must stop it and not allow it. Because you may have been the unlucky one and trust me I know… IT SUCKS! However you can make the best of it reminding yourself how Important everyday is and how grateful you are to be here.
Thank you for reading;
Kbeautifulmind
Tag: Cancer
Today I want to talk about the government….
Ever notice how the lady before you at the grocery store is paying with food stamps and has her nails done and a name brand purse that retails at about 300 at the least?
What about the families with 5 kids also paying with government money and the kids look so dirty but the parents look clean and well put?
or how about how most of the people doing insurance claims or getting some sort of government help are faking and living the good life driving Mercedes and BMWs?
and my least favorite… The “single moms” who claim to be single as they continue to pop out more and more kids in order to get more financial help from the government?
I actually once heard a lady say to someone “It’s my 7th kid but its all good because I’ll be getting me more food stamps” ARE YOU FREAKEN KIDDING ME!?
And they say China should be limited to ONE kid I think some areas in California need some limits…
With all this “Help” some how there is still over 100 million homeless people all over the world as well as this country and no I am not talking about the homeless people in LA who won’t take food or clothes or any type of help that isn’t money because they want the money to get their fix (drugs or alcohol). I am talking about the REAL homeless people who live in areas where there is no governmental help or any “housing” place to go and get a shower, a plate of food, or even a place to sleep.
So what is wrong with that picture here in the United States or to minimize it down what is wrong with the picture here in California?
Well in my opinion we can start by asking why there is over 300 cases assign to only ONE social worker in the welfare offices and why isn’t there more regulations and investigations?
For example wouldn’t you think if a person needs to get drug tested to be considered a candidate for a job opening position wouldn’t they drug test these candidates who are receiving FREE money from the government which is technically a flow of the money of those of us who work for a living!?
I just think our system is so “stupidly organized” so pathetically organized that that’s part of the reason why our money flow isn’t at it’s best.
So your probably wondering why do I care or why even waist my time writing about this right?
Well here goes my story my mom was recently diagnosed with Lung Cancer stage 4 (no she is not a smoker) and with that to our luck it is slow growing and hasn’t spread very far. So although it is not curable the fact that its slow growing can give her more time to live than someone who has a rapid growing lung tumor so we are trying to stay positive and enjoy anytime we have left with her.
Anyways like I was saying here she is a 45 year old lady who worked 3 jobs her whole life making good money and keeping her family stable. However with the cancer and treatment her doctor had requested she no longer work until the cancer was more “stable” so here she is no longer working and just finished up the last of her chemo at least until the resent test results to see what is our next step…
So here we are at the last of the testing of test needed for results of the chemo and when she gets out they tell us that we need to pay a total of 1,098 dollars for the exam!? So of course we are confused and ask them “Why? According to our understanding she worked so hard and made pretty good money that she was eligible for the “best” of medical insurances that give her no limits?” and the nurse says “yes that’s the one you have however it states here that you were only eligible for a percentage and so you have to pay this money out of your pocket” so of course I tell her it has to be incorrect so we call her social worker and the social worker states that this is correct because my mom gets a “good amount” of disability money that is good enough for her self and two boys she can pay half of that money for her medical expenses… So than my mom tells her “But mam half that money already goes to my rent what about bills and food? and the lady says “well have you tried food stamps? Wait you made to much to be eligible for that… Well mam I don’t know what to tell you the truth now in days rent is considered and luxury so they don’t really include the cost of it in your case, sorry mam that’s the cost that its going to be every month in order for you to be able to get your treatment…”
And for the most part that was the end of the conversation as I heard that I felt blood rushing to my head I can feel myself getting warm on my cheeks and I couldn’t believe that this lady just told us that “Now in days RENT is a luxury!” You have to be kidding me so a mom with only two kids (she has four but two of us are over 18) has to probably find a smaller place to live or to better state in “live under a dam bridge” in order to continue her treatment and add more life spam in order to continue to raise them!
I mean for god sakes like having cancer isn’t already bad enough!?
So I mean we will be okay Ill be doing my best to help her as much as I can (working two jobs and going to school) and I know that god is always by our sides. However I wanted to share this because I don’t think that our government has their system set up right and I think its unfair that those who truly need the help for example my mom who worked for most of her life time paying taxes to this country arnt the ones getting the help needed and instead its going to a bunch of free loaders living the good life, a life style better than we even are and we are the ones busting our bottoms for that money.
Just something to think about…
Kbeautifulmind
It doesn’t discriminate
Today we are finishing session number two. This place reeks of alcohol, there is so many people here all of different colors, ethnicities, class, weight, and hight all with different stories and cancers.
You can see a person’s whole life in the cancer they get.
I’ve had a chance to talk to a couple of people…
This girl is my age 22 years old and has cancer, her name is Ann. I wanted to hug her she is so pretty, she lives in South Pasadena. She lost all her friends as soon as she let them know… She said “They always make excuses why we can’t hang out but my boyfriend keeps me busy” than she fell asleep…
This other man seems about 50 his white cells don’t come out “correctly” I didn’t catch the name of his cancer. Six years ago they gave him 3 months to live the doctor told him there was no hope, he responded “only god knows that one sir” and he said the doctor was so annoyed by his response… Now he is still alive coming in every two weeks for some medication that gets injected into his veins.
Another lady was crying I gave her a tissue and continue reading my book… She laughed and asked me ” You probably think I look stupid for crying?” I told her “No mam I understand your pain” so she told me… “You know… Finding out I had cancer was hard but I had strength and hope, as my chemo went on I felt stronger… Last week I was in what seemed my last chemo and the results came back saying “It didn’t work” just like that! All the crap they put into my body and it just didn’t work! Does that make any sense??????…. Well it doesn’t and here I am again…” I didn’t know what to say… Because it does suck and I wish these people weren’t going through this including my momma.
However it made me realize that when we got the news and I was asking god “Why her? Why us???” There was my answer the cancer does not discriminate, it didn’t pick the rich young girl for her class status, age, beauty and those things also didn’t save her from the disease. It didn’t purposely scare the man into thinking he had only 3 months left, the cancer also didn’t decide to just not work on the lady for her skin color or hight. The cancer didn’t walk around and say “I pick you and you and you too!” The cancer isn’t a karma, a payback, a gift… Sadly it’s just flat out BAD LUCK to some people and if you believe in god like my mother and I do… You’d say what she says… ” It’s just a test of faith.”
The truth I don’t know what this is or why it’s even made its way into our lives? I just pray that it brought its boxing gloves and a protecting mouth piece because we are going to fight it until it can’t get up anymore even if we are on the ground with it!
Thanks for reading;
kbeautifulmind
The perfect world
My Perfect World:
If I could summarize for you guys the idea of a perfect world to me would be a world released from hate and pain, a world with lessons of life to better you, a world with out fears and enough peace, hope and faith for everyone to spare. A perfect world for me would be to be able to LIVE where death is an accident or naturally dying from age and not provoked from a disease, illness, or hate from other humans in our planet, a perfect world would be where as the equal chance we all get to live is the same equal chance we get to die.
“I don’t think you should die until you’re ready. Until you’ve wrung out every last bit of living you can.”
About two months ago a friend and almost like family member very dear to my heart passed away and only a couple of days later I got the saddest news in my life time I’d never thought Id face, and the truth I was mad. I was mad to see such a beautiful, smart loving women leave us! I was so mad to see such wonderful people suffer with the pain in their aching hearts! Mad to see a mother cry, children suffer from the hurt, so many people to still love her and in need to have her by their side were crying and hurting for the lost of such angel and I couldn’t do anything but be there for them… and even than I knew that this was not enough. Then as I’m sitting there trying to be strong and support her loved ones I get a call that feels like a sequel of a movie of the journey I just traveled with these people and I cant stop myself from letting go! From being mad to super angry from wanting to see god in the face and say “What the hell is your problem! Why are you taking them from us!”
and I cried my heart out and I screamed for days and I wanted answers and I said “Why is this stupid disease even on this planet?” “Who the hell is responsible? Bring him/her here so I can destroy them with my bare hands!”
I was so hurt, in so much pain and over all I still had faith in god and I begged him “Please lord if you have ever heard me before heel our hearts from the situation we can no longer control and give us strength for the one that is coming our way”
The truth is I knew better than to blame anyone including god for this, I knew better than to loose faith but I felt on the edge. The truth what made me so mad is that I felt so helpless, useless to it all and all I wanted to do was fix it and I couldn’t and still can’t….
People would tell me “Everything will be okay” and I wanted to curse at them and say ” How do you f%^$en know that!?” but at the same time I was telling others in pain that everything would be okay…
Because the truth is I know it will…
Because as beautiful somethings in life, on this planet can be; Like giving a hug, getting a kiss, sharing a laugh, falling in love, forgiving those you love and making a memory… This is NOT where we belong we are just temporary ordinary people living in a planet were we are building our road to the opening gates where we will be welcomed to join all our lost loved ones for eternal living.
And weather you believe in God, Budah, Jesus, The Easter bunny, a fairy, witches or even Satan… one thing is always true…
YOU only get as much as you can handle and your struggles are only what will build you and make you a better person than who you were yesterday.
“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” -Unknown
Therefor as hypocrite as I may sound because I really cant help but loose it sometimes, I truly believe in this quote and know that I am strong and I know that I only get what I can handle and that there is a reason for everything and that god (in my case) will help me through it as it all falls back into place. I also know that all our loved ones are now watching over us as they may no longer be with us but will forever be in our memories and hearts till we meet again.
Thank you all again for reading;
kbeautifulmind
This blog is dedicated to all my friends and family who still hurt to the lost of auntie Debbie.
May you all find peace and know I am here for all of you, if you ever need anything, and remember she is smiling and watching over us as she waits to have us in her arms again.



