My Perfect World:

If I could summarize for you guys the idea of a perfect world to me would be a world released from hate and pain, a world with lessons of life to better you, a world with out fears and enough peace, hope and faith for everyone to spare. A perfect world for me would be to be able to LIVE where death is an accident or naturally dying from age and not provoked from a disease, illness, or hate from other humans in our planet, a perfect world would be where as the equal chance we all get to live is the same equal chance we get to die.

“I don’t think you should die until you’re ready. Until you’ve wrung out every last bit of living you can.”

About two months ago a friend and almost like family member very dear to my heart passed away and only a couple of days later I got the saddest news in my life time I’d never thought Id face, and the truth I was mad. I was mad to see such a beautiful, smart loving women leave us! I was so mad to see such wonderful people suffer with the pain in their aching hearts! Mad to see a mother cry, children suffer from the hurt, so many people to still love her and in need to have her by their side were crying and hurting for the lost of such angel and I couldn’t do anything but be there for them… and even than I knew that this was not enough. Then as I’m sitting there trying to be strong and support her loved ones I get a call that feels like a sequel of a movie of the journey I just traveled with these people and I cant stop myself from letting go! From being mad to super angry from wanting to see god in the face and say “What the hell is your problem! Why are you taking them from us!”

and I cried my heart out and I screamed for days and I wanted answers and I said “Why is this stupid disease even on this planet?” “Who the hell is responsible? Bring him/her here so I can destroy them with my bare hands!”

I was so hurt, in so much pain and over all I still had faith in god and I begged him “Please lord if you have ever heard me before heel our hearts from the situation we can no longer control and give us strength for the one that is coming our way”

The truth is I knew better than to blame anyone including god for this, I knew better than to loose faith but I felt on the edge. The truth what made me so mad is that I felt so helpless, useless to it all and all I wanted to do was fix it and I couldn’t and still can’t….

People would tell me “Everything will be okay” and I wanted to curse at them and say ” How do you f%^$en know that!?” but at the same time I was telling others in pain that everything would be okay…

Because the truth is I know it will…

Because as beautiful somethings in life, on this planet can be; Like giving a hug, getting a kiss, sharing a laugh, falling in love, forgiving those you love and making a memory… This is NOT where we belong we are just temporary ordinary people living in a planet were we are building our road to the opening gates where we will be welcomed to join all our lost loved ones for eternal living.

And weather you believe in God, Budah, Jesus, The Easter bunny, a fairy, witches or even Satan… one thing is always true…

YOU only get as much as you can handle and your struggles are only what will build you and make you a better person than who you were yesterday.

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” -Unknown

Therefor as hypocrite as I may sound because I really cant help but loose it sometimes, I truly believe in this quote and know that I am strong and I know that I only get what I can handle and that there is a reason for everything and that god (in my case) will help me through it as it all falls back into place. I also know that all our loved ones are now watching over us as they may no longer be with us but will forever be in our memories and hearts till we meet again.

Thank you all again for reading;

kbeautifulmind

This blog is dedicated to all my friends and family who still hurt to the lost of auntie Debbie.

May you all find peace and know I am here for all of you, if you ever need anything, and remember she is smiling and watching over us as she waits to have us in her arms again.