Tag: art

Closing down the love factory…

I have a couple close friends I talk to on a daily basis.

I am a horrible at texting at times and I almost never answer my phone, but they manage to work with me and I work with them.

We all put in a lot of effort to keep in touch throughout the days even if we don’t see each other constantly.

No one plays victim, or whines about how I or THEY are “horrible” friends.

Why? well because we are grown and mature enough to know that it’s all a part of being an adult.

Anyway… we will save that topic for another blog.

So…

My point was…

I have one girlfriend that in a sense loves like I do…

Hopelessly.

She like I… is a poet, an artist, and the a big hopeless romantic.

So guess what our main topics usually consists of?

L O V E

and

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

One of our most frustrating struggles is that we care too much.

We are woman who will fight and do whatever it takes to make things right.

We over love at times and we over push to make things right.

We visit the past all the time, and we try to find the closure we “feel” we need.

Yes I said feel, and I say this because we both know very well that not every situation needs closure or a happy ending…

But…

our big hearts, our personas, or our souls just don’t allow us to live by this motto.

Instead we wait for the apology we might never get, we want to stay friends with people we dated, and we think everyone is some how meant to stay in our lives.

I know, we are a bit crazy.

or…

we just love too hard?

Not sure.

I think we just see the good in the ugly.

Anyway, we aren’t like stokers or anything… so don’t freak out ha ha.

So in the middle of our conversation the other day…

I was explaining to her how I do not understand how people can become involved with you, come into your life or path, and just hurt you?
or…
Just cut you off and leave you there like some slap of ribs on the floor for the dogs to eat, without some kind of peace treaty or closure?

I guess I just don’t have it in me to hurt people in such selfish way.

I mean, I know I’ve broken hearts and I’ve had my share of rejecting…

but, usually I make sure that it’s understood and it’s ended peacefully.

I guess that’s the part of me that expects every situation to end in a happy ending.

If it was up to me, every single person I’ve ever dated (except for like two of them) would still be my friend.

Those that have hurt me would have apologized and we’d leave things in a peaceful treaty.

We’d pass by each other on the streets and say hello, or maybe even grab coffee and catch up once in a while…

Those that have said “I want to stay friends” would mean it and actually check up on me once in a while and see how I am doing…

But, realistically that is impossible.

and…

probably not healthy ha ha.

So in the conversation I made a joke but, serious statement where I told her; “I am closing down the love factory, for a bit.”

She laughed and said; “Me too! Before I become one of those bitter chicks.”

I laughed and said; “Yeah, we don’t want to become that…”

However, that is definitely not my reason why.

I have made this decision for a couple good reasons and have decided to make it a firm promise.

Now, If the “one” were to come knocking on my door, I wouldn’t be like “LEAVE.” Ha.
But…

I just feel like my desire for having “someone” is no longer as big as my desire for happiness.

I actually enjoy being alone.

I have always enjoyed it.

I love to shop alone, I don’t mind enjoying a meal for one, and I’ll even go to a movie alone without a care in the world.

However, sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to, to share with, to face time, and to adventure with.

So I am not “shutting out” on love and the hope to find someone to team up with in this cruel world.

But, I am directing my focus on other things for the mean time.

I’d like to put all my time and heart into my career.

I love the field I am studying, and I am eager to start practicing it as soon as possible.

I want to travel, take on new hobbies, and rekindle the old ones I have lost touch with.

I want to be joyful, I want to be happy and truly satisfied with myself.

I will say, getting your heart-broken makes you a bit disappointed and hopeless…

But, it also teaches you a lot and I have built so much self-love, peace, and strength that my only desire is to continue to grow and build that even stronger.

I want to be so good with just me, that I never forget my worth and how valuable I am.

This is important, for the reason that the person I settle down with someday has to be at my same level.

I refuse to settle.

I want to build a strong empire someday, a team so strong that it can conquer anything life throws at us.

For that goal, I know I must first be good with myself.

So good that I know and any one that I come across will know…

that I will not settle for anything less.

I refuse to mess this vision up, or cloud it with anyone one that I KNOW just doesn’t fit the standard.

As our generation would say “No more fuck boys”

But in my words…

No more games, or unsure feelings.

What I will accept right now is friendships, true genuine friendships…

If with time something builds from one of them or someone comes along worthy of my commitment then, I will be so good with myself that I will be capable of loving them like they deserve.

Looking forward to the re-opening of the love factory,

Kbeautfulmind

Her strength;
Anyone could see,
anyone could feel.
It was something that beamed off of her, and poured itself into you.
She helped people.
She made people believe again; not just in themselves but, in whatever they were fearing.
She had that light inside of her, that made you want to kiss every word she said.
Her strength;
It was something she gave you,
something she shared with you.
-Kbeautifulmind

I use to think that women who believed they felt butterflies on the first date were idiots, or just silly girls who didn’t date enough…
But you were different, I remember coming home thinking…
“This guy is special! Brought to me from some where? By some one?”
To make me believe again…
To make me feel again…

I use to think that women who believed they felt butterflies on the first date were idiots…
I guess I was one of those idiots.
-Kbeautifulmind

How I started writing…

When I was younger, I’d shut down.

My way of dealing with my emotions, was to not speak to anyone.

My mom hated it!

When I was about twelve, or so?

My mom started dating a guy who she was really excited about, and during that time she was leaving me more with my sitter to go on dates with him.

I got home after dance one night asking her “what’s for dinner? Did you make enchiladas!?” (excited voice)

Her response was… “No, I’m going to order you a pizza instead, your nina is going to watch you and I’ll be home a little later.”

I was so upset…

I shut down, went into my room, and locked the door.

My mom kept asking me to open the door, and I wouldn’t respond.

I made her skip the date.

Hours later she was angry and yelled “Kelsey, pro favor! Stop this, what is going on?”

I opened the door and yelled “I’ll tell you what’s going on, you are so worried about being a (insert mean word here) that you don’t care about me anymore!”

SMACK!

My mom smacked me so hard, she bruised my face.

My mom had never hit me, ever.

But I had also NEVER called her anything like I did that night.

Days later…

Many sorry’s later…

I still was not speaking to my mom.

So she bought me a Journal.

and she said…

“You don’t need to talk to me. You don’t need to forgive me. But you have to stop doing this to yourself! I’m worried about you mija, whenever anything happens, at school, here, ANYTHING, even stuff that isn’t under your control, you shut down! This isn’t good for your health, it doesn’t help me understand what’s wrong, and it scares me.

So do it for you, for me, or for who ever but let it out some way?”

I remember looking at that journal thinking… This is stupid…

and many journals later…

about four years ago…

I opened my blog…

Kbeautifulmind.com

My grammar STINKS.

I get criticized ALL THE TIME.

My friends text me…

“Hey you miss spelled”

“Hey you forgot this”

“Hey that is supposed to say this”

I was the kid who was good at math.

However, writing makes me feel better, it helps me and I know some of my pieces have helped others.

So, no matter how much criticism I receive.

I am a writer.

-Kbeautifulmind

Dear Women

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Dear Woman,
I want to encourage you, from a woman to a woman.
From a fighter to a fighter.
May you always believe in yourself.
May you rememeber that society belittles you, but this world wouldn’t survive with out you.
May you know that you are beautiful.
May you be confident and walk with pride and honor.
May you rememeber that looks expire, and it’s what’s on the inside that matters.
May you know your value, and never settle for anything that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable.
May you rememeber you are a woman, and other women are your sisters… Respect them.
Team up with them.
Encourage them.
Honor them.
May you always know to never be the other woman.
May you always honor yourself.
May you always appreciate yourself.
May you always love yourself.
May you always encourage yourself.
May you always know you CAN fight.
May you always know you CAN win.
May you always know you are not alone.
May you always know that there is no one out there like YOU.
Society needs you.
Children need you.
They might not all admit it,
But MEN need you too.
Without you they couldn’t reproduce, grow, build.
May you never take a breath for granted, and be grateful…
For there is other women, other warriors that are no longer breathing…
or fighting to continue to breathe.
-Kbeautifulmind

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1 in 3 women get cancer.
Not just breast cancer, but all types of cancers.
I know many people who have had it.
My friends have had it.
My friend’s mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, etc.
One of my close friends had a stage 0-1 cancer, I couldn’t even understand how that was real?
A little later I got the same kind.
It’s called pre-cancer, not good enough for treatment yet, but it’s there… so you got to get your body to fight it.
My close friend’s mother died from breast cancer.
My grandmother I rarely knew did too.
My godmother died from it.
My mom died from Lung Cancer.
Her best friend Ana, died from leukemia.
Some of my close friends mother’s have beat it.
This thing is everywhere…
Rememeber good health is a privilege.
To be alive is a gift.
May you never take a breath for granted.

Woman Crush Wednesday

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“Don’t build a wall around your own suffering or it may devour you from the inside.” – Frida Kahlo🌹

One of my favorite quotes by such an enchanting, smart, and unique woman.
She not only understood the power of love, but most importantly understood the power of S E L F 💕 L O V E.
She understood that one must find peace and hope within ourselves in order to be happy.
We can’t let the betrayals of others destroy our self being and believes.
We must fight off the poison others try to venom our lives with.
We MUST always stay true to ourselves…
After all, remember we are stuck with ourselves until the day we no longer breathe.
Love the’ as much as you have loved or will love another.
Kbeautifulmind♡

The difference

The difference between the others and I, is that they just want him.
They look and see him for his body, those eyes, and oh that smile.
I don’t want him, his body isn’t worth much to me.
His looks are just a charming thing to see, but they won’t make me better.
I want to support him, motivate him, and encourage him.
I want to listen to him, understand him, and watch him grow.
You see, the difference between them and I, is that I actually see him.
When I look at him I don’t just see his physical appearance.
I see his soul and feel his energy that represent him as an individual.
The difference between the others and I, is that…
I actually want to know him and love him unconditionally.
-Kbeautifulmind