When I was younger, I’d shut down.
My way of dealing with my emotions, was to not speak to anyone.
My mom hated it!
When I was about twelve, or so?
My mom started dating a guy who she was really excited about, and during that time she was leaving me more with my sitter to go on dates with him.
I got home after dance one night asking her “what’s for dinner? Did you make enchiladas!?” (excited voice)
Her response was… “No, I’m going to order you a pizza instead, your nina is going to watch you and I’ll be home a little later.”
I was so upset…
I shut down, went into my room, and locked the door.
My mom kept asking me to open the door, and I wouldn’t respond.
I made her skip the date.
Hours later she was angry and yelled “Kelsey, pro favor! Stop this, what is going on?”
I opened the door and yelled “I’ll tell you what’s going on, you are so worried about being a (insert mean word here) that you don’t care about me anymore!”
My mom smacked me so hard, she bruised my face.
My mom had never hit me, ever.
But I had also NEVER called her anything like I did that night.
Many sorry’s later…
I still was not speaking to my mom.
So she bought me a Journal.
and she said…
“You don’t need to talk to me. You don’t need to forgive me. But you have to stop doing this to yourself! I’m worried about you mija, whenever anything happens, at school, here, ANYTHING, even stuff that isn’t under your control, you shut down! This isn’t good for your health, it doesn’t help me understand what’s wrong, and it scares me.
So do it for you, for me, or for who ever but let it out some way?”
I remember looking at that journal thinking… This is stupid…
and many journals later…
about four years ago…
I opened my blog…
My grammar STINKS.
I get criticized ALL THE TIME.
My friends text me…
“Hey you miss spelled”
“Hey you forgot this”
“Hey that is supposed to say this”
I was the kid who was good at math.
However, writing makes me feel better, it helps me and I know some of my pieces have helped others.
So, no matter how much criticism I receive.
I am a writer.