Hopeful

Since the moment I met you, there was something in your eyes.

There was something about being in your arms, there was something in our chemistry.

Let this be the way it begins.

Meet me half way, all I ask is that you meet me half way.

I know you’re scared, I’m scared too.

More than you can imagine but, I’m also hopeful.

If you’re not scared, then you’re not paying attention.

You can be scared but being hopeful is what will get you through.

Let this be the way it begins.

Meet me half way, all I ask is that you meet me halfway…

and that you try to be hopeful with me.

-Kbeautifulmind

Everything in this life takes sacrifice. 

The key to succeeding as an adult, is in what we give up. 

Sleep, friends, fun, sometimes even love…

just to keep promises we made, to follow our dreams, and to take care of business. 

We sacrifice it all for that one moment, when you finally accomplish your goals, keep your promises, and are working in the field you love. 

Everything in this life takes sacrifice, and those sacrifices are for the most part always worth your while. 

-Kbeautifulmind 

I am proud.


(Photo by photographer friend: Instagram: @itsonwithjon)

As I think about my graduation slowly creeping up…

A part of me is excited and I can’t wait, and the other part of me is sad and just wants to get it over with.

To be honest, I’ve been super sad.

I wish my madresita linda could be there for me.

I know, I know… “She’ll be there in spirit!” “She gets the best view!” “She’ll be celebrating from up above!”

As you can see, I’ve heard them all, and I know these are all very true…

But, she won’t be there in physical form.

I can’t actually celebrate with her.

I can’t hug her, kiss her, squeeze her, scream with her, laugh with her, or even take a picture with her.

I can’t hear her saying, “I am so proud of you!”

I can’t, and knowing that just makes me miss her and want her there even more.

This special moment in my life and many others to come will just have to be “sad and happy.”

No matter how much time passes, they will always be bitter sweet.

During this entire emotional roller coaster I’ve been going through since April, one emotion I been sure about since day one is my “pride.”

I am so f&*%en proud!

I am proud that I am finally finishing. I am proud that I am receiving one of three degrees I need to follow my ultimate dream.

I am proud that I over came so much.

I am proud that I did it!

I did it, even after life kicking me to the grown on my ass, I did it.

After heartbreaks, illnesses, tears, cancer, death, grieving, family drama, stress, loss of sleep, hard work, more stress, and at times thinking I couldn’t…

I did it!

and even made honor role, yup you guys read right.

While running a household and dealing with so much more than I could handle sometimes… I made the honor role at, California State University of Dominguez Hills.

How can someone not be proud of these accomplishments?

However, being proud of myself is only a portion of it.

I am proud of my mother.

Mi madresita linda, que tanto lucho y se esfuerzo.

La que llego de indocumentada.

La que lucho, fue fuerte, y nunca se rajo.

and like she said…

“Sufri, pase hambres, y humillaciones. Llore, y asta me quise regresar por que estaba de arrimada. Pero aqui me quede. Y la vida me fregaba, pero yo segui adelante.”

“Asi es que, recuerden me con honor, y pongan se las pilas! Siempre hagan el esfuerzo de seguir  adelante. No dejen que nada ni nadien se les ponga en el camino.”

Therefore, she is who I am most proud of.


(Photo by photographer friend: Instagram: @itsonwithjon)

I am proud of her and honored to have been the daughter of an immigrant  guerrera (warrior)!

Anticipating my graduation,

Kbeautfiulmind

 

 

The letter…


I have a bucket list. A list with things I’d like to do and accomplish before I die. I’ve had this list since I was young and it’s slowly build up to a longer list as I have gotten older. One of the things on my list was to make a difference in a strangers life whom I’ve barely know. Today I can finally check that off my list. After my moms death I’ve received nothing but positive words from all my friends, family, and loved ones. They have seen me struggle, they have seen me cry, they have seen me laugh, and even scream. Therefore they constantly tell me how admiring my strength is and their words continue to be a blessing in my life when times get rough. However, they know me therefore it’s a little bit normal coming from them. 

Today I received a letter as I was leaving class this morning. This random girl came up to me and told me ” Hey! I know we don’t really know each other but, I know your mom’s anniversary just passed and I wanted to give you and your family a little something. There is a letter in the envelope and it explains it all.” I was definitely caught off guard, and I knew the class knew about my mother’s anniversary because the class is about “death and dying,” so my professor had asked me a while back ago to share my story with them. But when I open this letter, I was left speechless with what I was reading! 

The girl stated in the letter that she had been in my class two years ago when my mother passed away. She overheard me telling the professor what had happened and why I had missed class. She said she went home that night crying, she hugged her mother and told her how much she loved her and appreciated her. Since then she stated that throughout my two years at CSUDH I have been her motivation and inspiration. She told me she appreciated me, and in her words “You have changed my life.” There is so much more to the letter, but the point is I’ve accomplished something so beautiful. 

I’ve always had a passion for loving and helping others, I truly believe this is my purpose in this world. 

I love the field I’m studying, and I can’t wait to get out there and continue to do what I did for this random stranger. 

This letter left me with many emotions, it brought me to tears as I thought of my mom and all that has happened. But, it also brought a smile amongst my face as I realized what a difference I have made in the life of a total stranger without even realizing it. 

I truly believe that this is what life is about! These are the moments that make the bad times in life easier to deal with. This is what we are here for, to leave our mark and be remembered for the wonderful things that we did… Not just accomplished ourselves but also what we did for others. 

This is why I WRITE. 

This is why I let go of my privacy and share my life stories and thoughts, with so many people and total strangers. 

This is it, I believe that this is what I am here for. 🙌🏻😊 

-Kbeautifulmind 

Until we meet again. 

“I think the hardest part of losing someone isn’t trying to say goodbye, it’s learning how to live without them that’s so unfavorable.” -Kbeautifulmind   
I knew I was going to have to say goodbye to my best friend from the moment they told us the cancer was terminal and every moment after that as we fought to pro long her life. 

Every doctors appointment, every ER visit, every chemo therapy, radiation therapy, and every sleepless night. I knew it. She tried to prepare me, she really did. 

For the most part I would always cry, but I was calm because she taught me to accept it through her peaceful and graceful way of facing it. 

She was one hell of a warrior! People think or say I’m strong, pphheewww they have no idea what strength is. She was like unstoppable! 

When the night of the 22nd hit, my life felt like it was crumbling at my feet and unfortunately those feelings comes back every once in a while and at random times. At night, in the car, at work, while cooking, in the shower, just at random. It’s painful every time, and at times even a bit frustrating. 

Any memory done with out her reminds me that she should be here and all the ones remembered with her break my heart that those were it. 

It’s like someone ripping off the bandaid again and reminding you that the wound is still there. I miss her like freaken crazy, and I told her it wouldn’t be easy…

“No matter how much you prepare me, the day you go it won’t be easy. When will I see you again? Talk to you? Hug you? When mom!?” 

And she said to me calm with grace in her voice; “Until we meet again…. That’s when.” 🐘💕 
So until then, I live. 

I live for her. 

At times in tears, fear, and plenty of stress. However, I live in strength, grace, and as resilient as possible just like she raised me. 

Until the day comes, that we finally meet again. 

-Kbeautifulmind