How I started writing…

When I was younger, I’d shut down.

My way of dealing with my emotions, was to not speak to anyone.

My mom hated it!

When I was about twelve, or so?

My mom started dating a guy who she was really excited about, and during that time she was leaving me more with my sitter to go on dates with him.

I got home after dance one night asking her “what’s for dinner? Did you make enchiladas!?” (excited voice)

Her response was… “No, I’m going to order you a pizza instead, your nina is going to watch you and I’ll be home a little later.”

I was so upset…

I shut down, went into my room, and locked the door.

My mom kept asking me to open the door, and I wouldn’t respond.

I made her skip the date.

Hours later she was angry and yelled “Kelsey, pro favor! Stop this, what is going on?”

I opened the door and yelled “I’ll tell you what’s going on, you are so worried about being a (insert mean word here) that you don’t care about me anymore!”

SMACK!

My mom smacked me so hard, she bruised my face.

My mom had never hit me, ever.

But I had also NEVER called her anything like I did that night.

Days later…

Many sorry’s later…

I still was not speaking to my mom.

So she bought me a Journal.

and she said…

“You don’t need to talk to me. You don’t need to forgive me. But you have to stop doing this to yourself! I’m worried about you mija, whenever anything happens, at school, here, ANYTHING, even stuff that isn’t under your control, you shut down! This isn’t good for your health, it doesn’t help me understand what’s wrong, and it scares me.

So do it for you, for me, or for who ever but let it out some way?”

I remember looking at that journal thinking… This is stupid…

and many journals later…

about four years ago…

I opened my blog…

Kbeautifulmind.com

My grammar STINKS.

I get criticized ALL THE TIME.

My friends text me…

“Hey you miss spelled”

“Hey you forgot this”

“Hey that is supposed to say this”

I was the kid who was good at math.

However, writing makes me feel better, it helps me and I know some of my pieces have helped others.

So, no matter how much criticism I receive.

I am a writer.

-Kbeautifulmind

Application for my final lover

I love myself a handsome, clean cut man with a heart warming smile… (smiles are my weakness)

But that doesn’t mean much anymore…
It’s about being a spiritually and emotionally healthy person.

I don’t want a super model, or a dude who has over 100 followers.
I don’t care if you won the lotto, drive a Mercedes-Benz, or can buy me anything I desire.
Looks and money don’t matter.
Appearance is nice, but the real question is; Are you humorous?
How’s your confidence? Your mental health? Have you let the past rest yet? How’s your conversation? How open are you to learning new things?
What about trying new things?
Are you loving? Do you think honesty is one of the most important ingredient for a relationship?
Do you know how to play/work in a team?
Are you forgiving or do you hold grudges? Will you swallow your pride and apologize when you’re wrong?
How important is family to you? Do you believe unity is important in a family?
Will you be nurturing and loving to your children? And if you’re not affectionate, will you at least accept affection?
How important are promises to you? Do you easily break them?
Do you believe in marriage? And if so do you believe in divorce? Do you believe in “until death do us part” or will you give up when it gets hard?
Basically what I’m asking is…
When our marriage dies (because it will a couple of times) will you be willing to work with me to bring it back?
How well do you deal with stress? Do you run for the hills or stick it through till it’s resolved?
Do hard times break you or do they motivate you?

Last but not least are you emotionally and spiritually healthy?
Do you believe in yourself, do you love yourself?

I’ll be first to say I love myself a clean cut handsome man with a heart warming smile but if you’re not a healthy human being please discard this application.

Thank you,
Kbeautifulmind

It’s those moments

It’s those moments…
The ones that take your breathe away, the ones that make you sigh with relief, the ones that make you laugh uncontrollably, the ones that make you grin from ear to ear.
It’s those moments, the ones that make you wish you could press rewind and play them again.
It’s those moments, the ones that make life worth living.
-Kbeautifulmind