1,2,3,4… 30

Thump…

That’s all she heard, she raised her sleepy head, and suddenly a rush of blood flew quick through her veins and her entire body.

She can hear his name being called through his phone, “_______, are you okay?”

Call the police she yelled to the receiver hoping she’d hear, “Call the police!”

“What did you take?” she screamed, “what did you take?”

He couldn’t understand her. Not anymore than she could understand him.

She screamed, as she dropped the phone. The conversation she was having hung from her thigh with the voice of another “friend,” that, had she listened, was telling her what was wrong with him.

“Oh god, what the fuck did you take! Oh god, oh god, oh god!”

“Help! Somebody help me!” Her voice cracked, as she screamed to the top of her lungs.”

“My brother, my brother, something is wrong with my brother…” she said into the receiver of her phone.

She hung up the phone, and then dialed 9-1-1

Time didn’t stop, but, it moved very slow.

She could see the room spinning…

“Get yourself together K, you have to save him!” she yelled mentally.

She could barely make up her words, she tried to tell the dispatcher something serious was wrong…

The dispatcher had heard her, “I know mam, we just received a call, police is on the way, can you confirm the address…”

“east… yeah east”

“Mam, we need you to calm down please, he is most likely having a seizure.”

“He isn’t breathing! He isn’t breathing! He is purple! His lips, his face, he’s purple!”

She drops the phone…

“CPR! I know CPR, Iv’e known CPR since I was 15…”

“What is the count? What is the fucken count!?”

“Oh god, Oh god, Moooooommmmm pllllleeassseeee!”

push 1, push 2, push 3, push 4, push 5, push 6, push 7, push 8, push 9, push 10, push 11, push 12, push 13, push 14, push 15…

Tilt, Blow. Blow.

“No! It’s fucken 30!” she yelled, mentally.

“What the fuck did you take? Moooommmmm!”

Push 1, push 2, push 3, push 4, push 5, push 6, push 7, push 8, push 9, push 10, push 11…

tears running down her face, she can not believe this is happening…

“Why would this happen?,” she thought.

“No way is he going like this…” she mumbled mentally.

“Mom, I freaken need you, pleaseee!”

Push 12, push 13, push 14, push 15, push 16, push 17, push 18, push 19, push 20, push 21, push 22, push 23, push 24, push 25, push 26, push 27, push 28, push 29, push 30

Tilt, BLOW and… BLOW.

GASP, he rises and tries to lean forward.

Siiggghhhh, “Thank you mom,” she whispered as her tears fell into her mouth.

“No, no, no don’t move please, don’t move…” she told him…

She ran out and yelled, “Help! Someone one please help me!”

Flash lights coming through, police walked up, walked in, and took over.

She was cold, and at the same time sweaty.

She was scared, and at the same time proud.

She was worried.

“Can you hug me?,” she asked as she stood outside with someone.

“Can you please just hug me very tight?”

Heart beating fast, breathing oh, so, difficult.

Anxiety expanding and spreading through her body.

Body felt like collapsing…

Officer, “Are you the mother? Can I speak to you? What happen?”

1,2,3,4,5 … breathe.

-Kbeautfiulmind

New Year

It’s been a while.

I abandoned my blog a bit, I been so caught up in the lifestyle of social media, school books, fake news, and whatever chaos my family has to offer me as my weekly dosage.

I am so tired, not necessarily sleepy (although I can use more sleep) but, just tired.

I can use a vacation.

I can use a break.

But, here we are, new year, got to hustle and push through.

Hello, 2019… sigh.

Well, I pray this page will be seeing a little more of [me].

 

-Kbeautifulmind

Atelphobia

She knew she feared something but couldn’t figure out what it was.
Maybe it was rejection, the idea of someone not wanting her was a bit hard to swallow for she had always been wanted by someone.
Maybe it was being alone, she had never been alone, for as long as she could remember there has always been someone there.
Maybe it was acceptance, she already knew that at times she tried too hard, she gave too much, she shared too much, she expressed too much.
She also knew that at times she was heartless, rude, careless and too honest.
So maybe, just maybe…
She feared rejection?
Maybe she feared loneliness?
or maybe…
She feared not being accepted?
But by who?
Maybe it was just atelphobia.
Atelphobia for her future, it sounded right but she still didn’t understand it.
-Kbeautifulmind

Living the dream.

This one is for the parents of the world and today’s society…

I seriously can say I LOVE LOVE LOVE school this semester, it’s alot of work and all but I really enjoy the classes I have selected to attend. One of my classes has made my feminine side get stronger and has encourage me to continue to follow my dreams with my same goals to make a difference in this world.
These past couple of day’s we been learning about love and abuse. Not just from relationships but abuse from people, normal human beings that mistreat one another in our society. Human beings who teach their children to be homosexual haters, who teach them about sexisum, envy, and verbal and physical brutality.
I believe that some of this isn’t even done intentionally it’s just that some people don’t realize how important it is to change your bad habits and try to be the best role model you can be once you have brought a child into this world.
Therfore…

image

This one is for the parents of this world…
Please be good to your children, weather you did it the right way and got your life together before them or even if they were unplanned and you need to get it together with them here by your side. Remember that they are the future that could only get better then the times you have lived in, IF you role model for them appropriately. Teach them to love, to respect EVERYONE, and to judge no one, for they are no one to judge or hate others for who they are, who they like or the color of their skin. You want to always rememeber that once you have had children you need to be the very best person you can be, because once they are old enough they have a chance of mirroring you and following your every move. If you dissapoint them they have a high chance of becoming dissapointments.

This one is for the parents of today’s society…
Because the problem isn’t single mothers or young parents it’s the fact that children, not mentally fully developed adults are having children of their own.
The problem is mom’s twerking on line for attention to make some kind of point not seeing that all they are doing is announcing to the world that they have no self respect, showing their children that self respect is not important.
The problem is the parents smoking weed, doing drugs and publisizing it for the world to see on the web. You like your kush? Thats fine I’m pretty sure that 60 percent of California’s community that smoke weed are not all stupid rebellious teens. However why does the whole world have to know? Is it because you think you look cute smoking into the camara? What happens when your child is old enough to know what you are doing in that picture and when he/she tries to do it says “Mommy/Daddy I just wanted to be just like you?”
The problem is not the media, the society, or the life we have lived the problem is that these parents are not allowing themselves to be mentally developed to see the importance and responsibility that comes with having a child because they too are acting like children themselves.
So your young and have a child already, so what??? No one is asking you to hide from the world now and not have a drink once in a while or smoke a blunt or shake your tail feather to the beat of a song but don’t use your youth as an excuse on why your priorities are all mixed up.
The problem is that you NEED to grow up and be responsible for the love you have grown for that child, make them proud because if you don’t do it then who will?
You brought them to this world, therefor their future is partly your responsibility. Think about it? How will you like to see them years from now?
Even a better question…How will you like them to see you?
Everytime you do something ask yourself, would I be okay with MY child doing this? And if your answer is ever “No” then maybe it’s time to start making better choices.

Concerned for the future,
Kbeautifulmind