Tag: peace

The other night…

I really believe that when some one passes away God gives them a pass sometimes to come back to earth when they are needed.

The signs we see, the things we run into, the dreams. 

They can’t just be concidense, can they? 

I truly don’t think so. 

Everyone always says, “They will always be with you.” and yeah you believe them to an extend but, it’s just not the same. 

You try so hard to believe that but, you find yourself looking for that person in other people. 

In your girl friends, in the mothers of others, and in everything you see and do. 

That little piece of your heart that’s now missing… is no where to be found. 

You look, you look, you try, and you try… 

But, nothing or anyone fills up that missing piece. 

The other night I realize, that no one will ever understand that. 

Specially not those who decide to be pitty and some how make your life about theirs. 

When someone that means so much to you passes away, not only does your life change or do you change… 

But, nothing will EVER be the same. 

And I have honestly discovered that this comes with good and bad. 

One good thing is that you are given a whole new pair of eyes. 

You learned to love and appreciate life, things, and most of all the people in your life. 

You find yourself telling those you love how much you love them constantly and even announcing it to the entire world. Not as a way of trying to be “annoying” or shove it in someone’s face… 

But, as a way of expressing yourself because you out of all people KNOW how short life truly is. 

The other night I realized that I shouldn’t be sorry for this. 

and… 

I also realized that, some people will never understand it. 

The other night I realized, that those we lose are truly always going to be there for us. 

I finally dreamed my mom after so long, and her words were as perfect as they’ve always been. 

“Don’t feel bad, there is nothing to be sorry for. Remember, God sees it all.” 

-Kbeautifulmind 

True capacity of living

When you have come to realize that your happiness is internal, you have reached the true capacity of living.

You have found that that the external forces of this world are irrelevant, and completely out of your control.

You have found that they do not bring or create your internal happiness.

You have found that only you can decide what you make of this life, and how far you are willing to go to succeed and accomplish all of your dreams.

You have found that you are enough and do not acquire anything to feel complete.

When you have come to realize that your happiness is internal, you have come to realize that you are free from expectations or desires to be able to live.

When you come to realize that your happiness is internal, you have reached the true capacity of living…

and you are now complete.

-Kbeautifulmind

 

2015

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Two Thousand-Fifteen is coming to an end, and as most of us agree things could have been better. We always sit there at the end of the year and say “New Year please be good to me, please be better.” However, did you take the time to reflect? Did you accomplish your goals and resolutions? And if not, why? And how are you going to make sure that doesn’t happen again?
We must remember that nothing can ever be perfect and we must appreciate what we did get out of the previous year, before we start asking for more or “better.”

I can honestly say 2015 was as amazing and as intense as the year could have been.

So many things have changed: My perspectives, my goals, my dreams, my desires, my relationships, my mentality, my feelings, and the people in my life.

I started the year with certain goals, dreams, and perspectives and some have changed as some continue to stay the same. Many were accomplished and/or are close to being accomplished as we enter the new year. I finally began new projects I had been wanting to for so long and I can not wait till I am done and see the final results.

My desires have definitely grown as I’ve found personal growth within my self. I am a lot more satasfied and confident with my body and soul.

I learned that days will be rough but, I must finish everyday and be done with it, and when that doesn’t work… a good laugh or long sleep can cure anything.

My relationships haven’t changed too much. I started the year with certain important people by my side and all of them are still here. I made some new friends, some which didn’t stick it through but others who I can tell are here to stay. I continued to be humble and grateful for all the love and support I receive, and I’ve learned to not take those that have been good to me for granted because I know how lucky I am to have them in my life.

I didn’t find strong love that happened to change my romantic relationship status. (Still single and mingling, lol maybe not the mingling part) However, I did meet people that helped me see that even at 25 you can still feel butter flies and pure happiness. I learned that nothing is forever or will workout the way you hoped but, enjoying the moment is just as fun and pleasurable and memories will always live on. I learned that everyone has a purpose as they entered your life, and if they aren’t here to stay is because one of you had to learn something from the other one.

Most importantly, I learned to fully heal from the scars that had been caused by the past and I’m learning to know exactly what I want and will not accept. I met people that made the cells in my body jump with excitement by just a simple touch, and I have decided I never want to settle for any other feeling than that one. I learned that feelings aren’t reciprocal and thats okay, for the worth you saw in someone, someone else will see in you someday.

I’ve made my peace with everything and everyone, and I found closure myself and within myself which was the most important successful achievements of them all.

I’m not angry at the end of this year, nor do I have any resentments; I’m simply grateful for everything and everyone that have helped me learn and grow so much.

Over the last year, I have finally learned how to become the higher version of myself. I realized that happiness and comfort is something internal and eternal forces should not be depended on for my comfort or  happiness.

Over the last year, I finally understood.

-Kbeautifulmind

This Holiday Season…

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This Holiday season, we must remember to be gratful for all of our blessings.
Don’t let the gifts and material goods allow you to forget the original meaning of Christmas.
Remember to thank the man upstairs for all you have been privileged with.
Tis the season to remember that we can’t always have what we want, we can’t always have what we wish for but, we can be content with what we have.
-Kbeautifulmind

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The thing with life, is that you can’t always control what it throws at you.
Sometimes you just have to accept it, face it, try to find the solution, and deal with it.

“The key to survival is building a rich life.” -Kbeautifulmind

Now, I don’t mean becoming financially rich. Even though having good finacial stability can help with the finacial issues…
However, having all the money in the world doesn’t necessarily mean you live a “rich” life.

What I mean by this is being a “rich” human being.

Being a person who grabs the ugly life throws at them, and still finds beauty.

Being a person who is not dependent on others to make their day, or holds them responsible for their view on life.

Being a person that may feel down at times (because lets face it, it’s human nature) but, can get right back up and fight on.

Life is a struggle, but if you are “rich” you have found the key and comfort to survive in this world.

If you don’t love yourself, believe in yourself, and most of all trust yourself in the environment you live in…

then almost anything you have to face will bring you down to the point of self destruction.

So remember…

“The key to survival is building a rich life.”

To be internally happy and feel rich with just who you are and what you have to offer.

If you live a rich life…

No violance,

No abuse,

No hate,

No envy,

No betrayal,

No pain,

No hurt,

No disease,

No problem,

and No obstacle,

could allow you to become dysfunctional.

Why?

Because you are rich.

You will always feel these negative effects and you will always be afraid but, you will not be destroyed by any of them.

-Kbeautifulmind

“You’re a dimond in the rough.”

“You’re my Dimond in the rough.”

Was the lie that rolled out of his tongue;

as he promised her forever, days before he left her.

“You’re my Dimond in the rough.”

Were the words that ran in her head, as she cried after she discovered the truth only days later.

There he was, the man she had helped built, and never gave up on.
The man she forgave, over and over again many times before…
The man she fought for, for so long.
There he was…
In a picture with another one of his little flings, the one that was worth walking away with.
The other woman who had no respect, and decided to post a picture of them after only a couple of days.
Like breaking someone’s heart wasn’t enough pain, so they had to humiliate her and laugh in her face.

“You’re a dimond in the rough,” she says out loud now that so much time has passed.

“You’re a dimond in the rough,” she says smiling and giggling as she sees how happy she is now.
Now, that she has discovered that she is indeed a dimond…

except this time she’s free from the rough, never to have to live through such nightmare again.

-Kbeautifulmind

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When you lose someone close to you, your perspective of life in it’s self changes immediately.
It’s like you been viewing and living life through a pair of dirty glasses.
I’m truly gifted to have been raised by such a wonderful woman and true warrior.
She taught me to be appreciative of all I’ve had, have, or will ever have.
Our struggles we lived only made me even more gratful.
Through her I learned to never be nasty to those that truly love me and have my back, and to be respectful to those that are ugly (on the inside).
I learned to be humble, even when life was in our favor because tomorrow we could be right back to where we were.
She taught me that when you help others you do it with heart, even if you may never get the same help from them in return.
She taught me that betrayal isn’t worth the revenge and I must leave it in the hands of god and karma.
She taught me that with faith, this ugly world doesn’t seem so bad.
She taught me that there is always so much to be thankful for…
From just the fact that you woke up again another day, to the little or a lot that you been blessed with.
No one can ever live through all of these teaching, I’m sure didn’t always either.
Yet she seem to practice it very well, and watching her be such a wonderful person was the best inspiration I could have had growing up.
Before my momma passed away, I was already raised to be good, and do good.
However now that she’s gone, not only am I thankful for everything I have and everyone I have in my life…
But I no longer take anything for granted.
I make sure to always try my best to go to bed at night happy and gratful, even when times seem super rough.
It takes real work and strength not to forget the great features in life even on the bad days.
Yet, we still must try to acknowledge the little we have and appreciate it for the time we have it.
Because tomorrow nothing, not your life, the life of those you love, or anything you have is promised to be there.
I would have done anything for a nice hug and kiss from my best friend today.
Yet, a year and a half ago god had decided he needed a new angel.
I’m truly so gratful for all of my family and friends; as well as all my blessings from work, school, life etc.
Happy Thanksgiving!
-Kbeautifulmind

Closing down the love factory…

I have a couple close friends I talk to on a daily basis.

I am a horrible at texting at times and I almost never answer my phone, but they manage to work with me and I work with them.

We all put in a lot of effort to keep in touch throughout the days even if we don’t see each other constantly.

No one plays victim, or whines about how I or THEY are “horrible” friends.

Why? well because we are grown and mature enough to know that it’s all a part of being an adult.

Anyway… we will save that topic for another blog.

So…

My point was…

I have one girlfriend that in a sense loves like I do…

Hopelessly.

She like I… is a poet, an artist, and the a big hopeless romantic.

So guess what our main topics usually consists of?

L O V E

and

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

One of our most frustrating struggles is that we care too much.

We are woman who will fight and do whatever it takes to make things right.

We over love at times and we over push to make things right.

We visit the past all the time, and we try to find the closure we “feel” we need.

Yes I said feel, and I say this because we both know very well that not every situation needs closure or a happy ending…

But…

our big hearts, our personas, or our souls just don’t allow us to live by this motto.

Instead we wait for the apology we might never get, we want to stay friends with people we dated, and we think everyone is some how meant to stay in our lives.

I know, we are a bit crazy.

or…

we just love too hard?

Not sure.

I think we just see the good in the ugly.

Anyway, we aren’t like stokers or anything… so don’t freak out ha ha.

So in the middle of our conversation the other day…

I was explaining to her how I do not understand how people can become involved with you, come into your life or path, and just hurt you?
or…
Just cut you off and leave you there like some slap of ribs on the floor for the dogs to eat, without some kind of peace treaty or closure?

I guess I just don’t have it in me to hurt people in such selfish way.

I mean, I know I’ve broken hearts and I’ve had my share of rejecting…

but, usually I make sure that it’s understood and it’s ended peacefully.

I guess that’s the part of me that expects every situation to end in a happy ending.

If it was up to me, every single person I’ve ever dated (except for like two of them) would still be my friend.

Those that have hurt me would have apologized and we’d leave things in a peaceful treaty.

We’d pass by each other on the streets and say hello, or maybe even grab coffee and catch up once in a while…

Those that have said “I want to stay friends” would mean it and actually check up on me once in a while and see how I am doing…

But, realistically that is impossible.

and…

probably not healthy ha ha.

So in the conversation I made a joke but, serious statement where I told her; “I am closing down the love factory, for a bit.”

She laughed and said; “Me too! Before I become one of those bitter chicks.”

I laughed and said; “Yeah, we don’t want to become that…”

However, that is definitely not my reason why.

I have made this decision for a couple good reasons and have decided to make it a firm promise.

Now, If the “one” were to come knocking on my door, I wouldn’t be like “LEAVE.” Ha.
But…

I just feel like my desire for having “someone” is no longer as big as my desire for happiness.

I actually enjoy being alone.

I have always enjoyed it.

I love to shop alone, I don’t mind enjoying a meal for one, and I’ll even go to a movie alone without a care in the world.

However, sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to, to share with, to face time, and to adventure with.

So I am not “shutting out” on love and the hope to find someone to team up with in this cruel world.

But, I am directing my focus on other things for the mean time.

I’d like to put all my time and heart into my career.

I love the field I am studying, and I am eager to start practicing it as soon as possible.

I want to travel, take on new hobbies, and rekindle the old ones I have lost touch with.

I want to be joyful, I want to be happy and truly satisfied with myself.

I will say, getting your heart-broken makes you a bit disappointed and hopeless…

But, it also teaches you a lot and I have built so much self-love, peace, and strength that my only desire is to continue to grow and build that even stronger.

I want to be so good with just me, that I never forget my worth and how valuable I am.

This is important, for the reason that the person I settle down with someday has to be at my same level.

I refuse to settle.

I want to build a strong empire someday, a team so strong that it can conquer anything life throws at us.

For that goal, I know I must first be good with myself.

So good that I know and any one that I come across will know…

that I will not settle for anything less.

I refuse to mess this vision up, or cloud it with anyone one that I KNOW just doesn’t fit the standard.

As our generation would say “No more fuck boys”

But in my words…

No more games, or unsure feelings.

What I will accept right now is friendships, true genuine friendships…

If with time something builds from one of them or someone comes along worthy of my commitment then, I will be so good with myself that I will be capable of loving them like they deserve.

Looking forward to the re-opening of the love factory,

Kbeautfulmind

Life changes, you get it all lined up just the way you like it, just the way you know you deserve it, and then something beyond your control comes along and bumps you off center…
So what do you do?
How do you face it?

You see the problem.
Now what?
Thats only half the battle.

You have to find a solution, to make the right choice is to figure out the key that will bring you peace.
You must attempt to be happy, to be loved, to be whole.
Without drama, without suppressing yourself and your feelings, and without hurting anyone..
including yourself.
-Kbeautifulmind