I kissed someone today.
He was a good kisser.
However, when I closed my eyes…
I saw your face.
Why must you haunt me this way?
-Kbeautifulmind

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A question from a reader…

Tonight I received another “critic”

One of my readers asked me…

“Why are you so bitter about your last relationship?

I understand cheating is wrong, but do you ever think that maybe he just didn’t love you anymore?”

I don’t want to sound mean but, you really need to move on and let him be happy!”

Now I wasn’t going to respond to this, because obviously my “reader” is not a big fan of my writing…

But, eh why not?

So…

I’d like to start by defending myself a little and state that I have moved on.

I am very proud to say that I have taken it into my own hands and forgave him for all of the pain he caused me.

To tell you the truth, I’ve never been happier. Honest to god!

However, I understand why my post about infidelity make me seem “bitter.”

So let me address it for you.

I am not bitter, and the pain I had felt was not because, he no longer “loves” me.

Also in my defense, I have never done anything to bother him, or hold him back from his happiness.

When I think of a cheater, I think of a student glancing at her/his notes under the desk very quickly because she can’t seem to remember the term she studied about for hours!

I think of a card player winning a game of Black Jack only because he counted the cards.

You see, this action that ruins relationships between two people who have promised a commitment to each other isn’t “cheating.”

This action is more like…

Lying, betrayal, disrespect, abuse, broken, murder, selfishness, and of course weakness.

So, my dear reader…

The pain I or ANYONE has felt after being “Cheated” on isn’t a reaction of “not wanting to move on” OR not accepting that maybe he “just didn’t love me anymore.”

If I am being honest, I think I’ll never know if he actually loved me.

I know he loved the idea of me?

I just don’t believe you can intentionally hurt someone when you love them.

You don’t kill the persons trust for you when you love someone.

When you truly LOVE, you don’t intentionally hurt the person in the same way more than once.

As I was saying…

Cheating is so painful because it makes the one being cheated on feel like they were at fault.

You see…

You fall in love with someone who could never and has never loved you back.

You make excuses, you defend, and you protect this person.

You FIGHT with all your might to try to convince not only those around you but, YOURSELF that he/she is better than how they are representing themselves.

You fight for the good you see in them, until the ugly over powers you and smacks you down on your ass.

Then…

You feel like an idiot.

You feel stupid, low, ashamed, and embarrassed.

You begin to regret all the chances you gave them, and start asking yourself… ‘What were you thinking?”

You are left there to pick up the pieces up on your own.

It ends up being all on you to accept the apology you might never receive, to forgive someone who doesn’t need your forgiveness, and to forget.

Now, I don’t mean forget as in forget about the person… because once you’ve seen how bad they are for you, that is not so hard.

But, forget as in forget all the fight you gave, only to lose.

I never thought of myself as a woman who makes bad choices…

So, when I was left alone to accept that this time around I had…

I guess it tends to make you a bit “bitter” so you say.

So to answer your question…

“I am not “bitter” about getting “cheated” on, I am disappointed I fought for something that wasn’t worth fighting for and that is what my posts are about.

-Kbeautfiulmind

Trust her/him

The reason you are always trying to see five steps ahead is because you are afraid to be hurt…

Those other women/men have hurt you…

so you’re always looking ahead trying to protect yourself.

Stop, please.

There is no protection needed here, there is no looking ahead, they are not “too good to be true.”

You are going to have to trust her/him.

She/he will not hurt you.

repeat after me…

“She/he will not hurt me.”

-Kbeautifulmind

ONE AM.

image

After every girl and every lie.
Followed every excuse I could possibly make to believe that I was well deserved of the hurt you caused me.

-Kbeautifulmind

This is for…
Every girl who’s had those late nights.
Who’ve stayed up waiting for him to call.
Who’ve smelled the perfume on his collar.
Who’ve seen the lip gloss on his lips.
Who’ve seen the pictures on his email.
Who’ve looked through his phone as he slept next to you, only to discover more lies.
Only to feel that you were not good enough for him…
as you ask yourself…
“What am I doing wrong?
What does she got that I don’t?
So you use the cheating as blame on yourself…
Allowing the love you felt to fource you into making excuses for him and using it all as an excuse to only try harder to impress him.

Word of advise… STOP.

You will never be good enough…
Not because your not good enough, but because you are too good for him, too good for him to ever see your worth through the bodies of those woman fullfilling his insecurities.
Know your worth!
-Kbeautifulmind