Application for my final lover

I love myself a handsome, clean cut man with a heart warming smile… (smiles are my weakness)

But that doesn’t mean much anymore…
It’s about being a spiritually and emotionally healthy person.

I don’t want a super model, or a dude who has over 100 followers.
I don’t care if you won the lotto, drive a Mercedes-Benz, or can buy me anything I desire.
Looks and money don’t matter.
Appearance is nice, but the real question is; Are you humorous?
How’s your confidence? Your mental health? Have you let the past rest yet? How’s your conversation? How open are you to learning new things?
What about trying new things?
Are you loving? Do you think honesty is one of the most important ingredient for a relationship?
Do you know how to play/work in a team?
Are you forgiving or do you hold grudges? Will you swallow your pride and apologize when you’re wrong?
How important is family to you? Do you believe unity is important in a family?
Will you be nurturing and loving to your children? And if you’re not affectionate, will you at least accept affection?
How important are promises to you? Do you easily break them?
Do you believe in marriage? And if so do you believe in divorce? Do you believe in “until death do us part” or will you give up when it gets hard?
Basically what I’m asking is…
When our marriage dies (because it will a couple of times) will you be willing to work with me to bring it back?
How well do you deal with stress? Do you run for the hills or stick it through till it’s resolved?
Do hard times break you or do they motivate you?

Last but not least are you emotionally and spiritually healthy?
Do you believe in yourself, do you love yourself?

I’ll be first to say I love myself a clean cut handsome man with a heart warming smile but if you’re not a healthy human being please discard this application.

Thank you,

Crazy Women

Crazy Women,
Don’t let the world make you stiff.
A man has made you believe that you are insane, as he confused you into disbelief.
Causing you to confuse hardness for strenght, silly woman you are not crazy!
You see, we as people label those who are more knowledgeable than we are “insane” because we are envious of their gifts and strenghts.
Your inability to feel and understand is considered an ability to survive.
So let him call you crazy, for it only means he is no fool, and he knows what your capable of and that nothing can get through you.
He knows you are real, as real as they get, and that you are gifted to feel emotions some can’t yet comprehend.
So go ahead and feel deeply girl, and cry, laugh, love how you need to and proudly be “crazy.”
Because you should be smart enough to know that your strenght is not defined by your emotions and neither is your insanity.
It’s called being human.


I want to love a whole.


either of two equal or corresponding parts into which something is or can be divided.
“the northern half of the island”




make (something) whole or perfect.
“he only needed one thing to complete his happiness”
synonyms: finish off, round off, top off, crown, cap, complement
“the outfit was completed with a veil”

I use to dream of finding my “other half.

Both times I have fallen in love I actually believed I had found (him).

Because before them I didn’t feel whole.

I didn’t love myself.

I didn’t believe in myself.

I didn’t feel that I could actually be happy being alone.

Unfortunately, I am not one of the only people who have felt this way, and what’s even more crazy is people go their whole lives feeling this way.

This is where people screw up.

They feel it’s normal and just go with it, until they settle for anyone because they believe that without “someone” by their side they are not complete.

What’s funny is that before the relationships even ended, I was always looking for “something,” something that would take away the empty feeling I had. When I couldn’t figured it out, I assumed that it was the relationship, the person’s fault for the way I was feeling.

Now that I’ve learned, I’ve realized that the first time there was nothing missing, I was missing. The self love, the self confidence, the self trust, is what was missing.

You can’t fully love someone else like they deserve, if you don’t love yourself.

The second time, I was missing so bad that I actually convinced myself to believe that I deserved the “type” of love I was receiving.

I’m still learning.

So far, I have learned the definitions of “half” and “complete.”

and I now know I don’t want either or to define the person I end up with for the rest of my life.

I don’t want an “other half,” I want a WHOLE.

I want a whole person, someone who knows exactly who they are, what they represent, what they want, and who loves themselves enough to know how to love ME.

I don’t want to feel complete when this person comes along, or for them to feel like I complete them.

I want us to already be complete, only to come along and complement each others lives for the better.

I don’t want to be someone else’s ideal “Ms. Right,” or “The One.”

I don’t want someone that has been looking for someone like me their whole lives.

I want to fall into someone.

I want to come long and change their lives for the best.

I want to make them feel things they have never felt before.

I want to add to their happiness, I want someone who before me was already happy with themselves.

I want to be someones whole and I want them to be my whole.

I want us to be two wholes who simply just deserve each other, who simply just realized we wanted to to continue to grow while we watch the other grow.

I don’t want to ever end up with another half, or feel like a half again.

I refuse to settle for someone to complete me.

I want a whole someone, so that I can live with their all, learn about their all, and love their all and whole entire persona.

I want the next time I fall in love, to just simply be a whole who loves another whole and entire other person.

I want someone who can give me their all, while I also give them my all.




So many times I hear men say,
“Women/girls are so needy, they can never be happy!”
“Do women really like that romantic shit? Why do I need to buy her some flowers, or her favorite chocolate to show her I care?”
(In my head I respond: Why should she give you a bomb ass blow job, or take care of any of your needs on the daily?) (Just a reminder men, you can get a nice bouquet of flowers for like $20 and you’ll both be happy.)

Some men STILL see nothing wrong with going days with out talking to her, with going out and not bothering with her, with forgetting to call back/or replying to a text that takes 2 FREAKEN SECONDS. They see nothing wrong with not reminding her they care, and get annoyed when she “complains” about what she’s missing.

Now I get it some men lack the romance bone, but if you have a good woman effort is ALWAYS noticed!
If you have a woman who wakes you up to take care of your needs, who pays attention, and who makes effort, just rememeber that expectations are usually that you return the care and love.
A woman doesn’t ask for attention because she’s “needy” or wants you to be like a puppy dog at her feet ready to bark when she calls. (At least not all women)
She longs for that late night call or morning call because it tells her you’re thinking about her.
She squirms at the little details and surprises because it reminds her you care and she’s been on your mind.
She blushes at the kisses on the four head, the kiss on the hand when your driving, and the smack on her ass when she walks by because it tells her you desire her.
She sighs at the gentleman gestures like opening the door, holding her hand, and holding her close because it tells her you want to protect her.

If she’s asking for these things and you are not doing them, it’s not that she is being “needy” or “annoying.”
Don’t you get it? She cares a shit load about you!

It’s that you’re the man that holds her heart, you’re the man she wants, and so she just wants to feel wanted TOO.

It’s honestly very simple, and if you’re not doing it because your intentions are not to be her lover and or protector than step aside already and let another man take over.

This goes both ways ladies!
If you want flowers, take care of your man, make him feel wanted too.

Even if it’s just temporary, hold me.
Even if it’s just for tonight, love me.
Even if it’s just today, tell me if you think I’m lovely.
Even if it’s just for an hour, kiss me.
Even if it doesn’t last, try this with me.
Even if nothing is forever, will you be my nothing?

Your job hasn’t started yet…


Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you.

I can’t help and fall into a smile, as I think of how nice it would be to wake up tomorrow next to you.
I’d get to feel your skin oh so closely next to mine, and it would be so wonderful to wake up to those beautiful eyes.
I’d wake you up with kisses, with the desire to please you before you have to start your day.
With the sunrising outside our window I’d tell you “let me do the work, your job hasn’t started yet.”
You’d respond to me with pleasure and sounds of excitement in your throat, exploding through your erection, only concluding you to think about your morning for the rest of the day at work.


She believed in his ugly

“Why did you stay?”

I don’t know why I stayed? I don’t know if it’s because I wanted to fix him, I tend to always want to help or fix people.
I knew I loved him at one point, so love could have been apart of it.
or maybe I actually believed in him…
I think that could have been it, I believed he was better then what he represented himself to be.
I believed in his ugly, and was willing to let it get ugly to make him beautiful.