Antepasados/Ancestors

Yo soy la lumbre que alumbra el camino,

Yo camino los pasos de los que vinieron antes de mí.

Yo cuento sus historias, sus de deseos, y mantengo sus sueños vivos.

Yo represento el sufrimiento, y el dolor.

Estoy hecha de la misma sangre que coreo en sus venas.

La lucha no solo es mía,

Es de mis antepasados.

De mis abuelos.

De mis padres.

Y para aquellos que vendrán después de mí.

-Kbeautifulmind

I am the flame that illuminates the pathway.

I walk in the footsteps of those that came before me.

I tell their old stories, their desires, and maintain their dreams alive.

I represent the sacrifice, and the pain.

I’m made of the same blood that ran through their veins.

This fight isn’t only my fight.

It’s of my ancestors.

It’s of my grandparents.

It’s of my parents.

… and for those that’ll come after me.

-Kbeautifulmind

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When you lose someone close to you, your perspective of life in it’s self changes immediately.
It’s like you been viewing and living life through a pair of dirty glasses.
I’m truly gifted to have been raised by such a wonderful woman and true warrior.
She taught me to be appreciative of all I’ve had, have, or will ever have.
Our struggles we lived only made me even more gratful.
Through her I learned to never be nasty to those that truly love me and have my back, and to be respectful to those that are ugly (on the inside).
I learned to be humble, even when life was in our favor because tomorrow we could be right back to where we were.
She taught me that when you help others you do it with heart, even if you may never get the same help from them in return.
She taught me that betrayal isn’t worth the revenge and I must leave it in the hands of god and karma.
She taught me that with faith, this ugly world doesn’t seem so bad.
She taught me that there is always so much to be thankful for…
From just the fact that you woke up again another day, to the little or a lot that you been blessed with.
No one can ever live through all of these teaching, I’m sure didn’t always either.
Yet she seem to practice it very well, and watching her be such a wonderful person was the best inspiration I could have had growing up.
Before my momma passed away, I was already raised to be good, and do good.
However now that she’s gone, not only am I thankful for everything I have and everyone I have in my life…
But I no longer take anything for granted.
I make sure to always try my best to go to bed at night happy and gratful, even when times seem super rough.
It takes real work and strength not to forget the great features in life even on the bad days.
Yet, we still must try to acknowledge the little we have and appreciate it for the time we have it.
Because tomorrow nothing, not your life, the life of those you love, or anything you have is promised to be there.
I would have done anything for a nice hug and kiss from my best friend today.
Yet, a year and a half ago god had decided he needed a new angel.
I’m truly so gratful for all of my family and friends; as well as all my blessings from work, school, life etc.
Happy Thanksgiving!
-Kbeautifulmind

You must live in the moment, in order to understand your destination.
-Kbeautifulmind

Personal note:
Sometimes we forget that tomorrow isn’t promised.
We are so desperate to know…
“What next?”
From our love lives, people affairs, careers, living situations etc.
We are always planning ahead, and even thought planning is good to an extend.
We must not allow it to cloud the fact that this very moment, the “right now” might be all we have.

Everyday is a start…

Life is pretty hard to deal with sometimes.
No matter our age, gender, or class we all have our own personal struggles that affect us in a certain way.
Some of our struggles might seem ridiculous to others, but to us they can affect us so much that it makes it hard to live with them.

It’s easy to always assume that if we had what others have we wouldn’t be so “devastated” with our lives.
and…
That is false.
That’s what’s wrong with today’s generation.
We are so stuck on the idea of
being like…
having like….
because the people, media, and entire society are teaching us to be anything but ourselves. They have set these standards for us to act or want to be a certain way at such an early age that we grow up lost.
Lost and desperate in having what isn’t for us and being what just isn’t us.

However we can still put a stop to this, self love can be adopted by anyone.

Everyday is a start of something beautiful. It might not seem beautiful as our struggles or stressors haunt us on to the next day after sleeping through the night; but it truly is. It’s the start of something beautiful because it’s an opportunity for change. Change can be hard when we have the pressure of life and society pressing against us making us feel like we must stay stuck, but it’s up to us to believe we can break free.
If we motivate our selves and don’t wait for motivation or approval from others we accomplish to break free and discover ourselves and our abilities to be better, live happier and feel healthier.

Everyday is the start of something beautiful if we love ourselves.

Inspiring all of you to not look for the greener grass on the other side but to nourish and care for your grass to see how beautiful and green it already is.

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                  Break free, be YOU.

-Kbeautifulmind 

Living the dream.

I’m the same person

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“I’m still the same person, you just got to see the bad side of me”

Yesterday as I was ringing up a customer at the register I had a horrible experience, this lady was in the worst mood a person could be in. She was very upset because our athletic clothes only went up to size XL in youth sizes and she needed an XXL for her son. As she walked up I could tell she was upset but I still greeted her very nicely asking her How she was doing and she responded…. “I hate this dam store, you guys never have anything that fits my son, his game is in an hour and to top it off I couldn’t find anyone to help me out” I apologized for the in convenience and continued to ring her up. Than she had the nerve to tell me “Could you stop taking your sweet as f#$%ing time” Like if it was my fault that she bought three hundred dollars worth of clothes that all had the alarm activating protectors on them. I hurried up not even folding her items and than I asked “We no longer give out bags for free did you want to buy one for your items or will you be carrying them out” After this it was like I just said “Your kid is fat that’s why he cant fit in to our youth clothes, you should start cooking more healthy, your husband and you fight because you don’t know how to communicate your issues that’s if your not divorced yet, and your mad at the world only because you want to be,get your life together learn to have confidence in yourself and it wont be so hard.” She got so upset with me that she started yelling asking me “How are you going to dare charge me for a bag after all the dam shit I just bought for you? My money is the reason why you have a dam job!” and she grabbed all her stuff and left…

The truth I was upset! I wanted to jump over the counter and attack her like a Lion after his lunch.

Than I began to realize that her actions were nothing personal she did not know anything about me she was just mad at the world do to her personal issues.

Unless she was like that all the time? Than my prayers go out to her poor family.

At my lunch I was finally able to relax, however I couldn’t help and continue to think of how much of a mean person that lady had been. So I began to think of all of the times some one had told me “I hate you” “Your so rude” “Your so mean, I don’t like you” “My friends don’t like you because you were mean to me”

and I said to myself does that mean I am a horrible person? or did I just make some poor choices?

and well that’s everyone’s own opinion however I always have gotten more positive feed back about who I am than negative feed back and the truth is that I KNOW I’m not a horrible person and I know that lady wasn’t either.

Sometimes life can get so hard that we don’t know how to handle it.

So I say…

Never allow the judgement of a handful of people define who you are specially if its from a incident that happened on a bad day. If you know you’ve made some poor choices or have made the mistake to mistreat someone with out taking their feelings into consideration. Understand you made a mistake, explained what went wrong and why you reacted in such way and truly apologize if your sorry. Than if they do not forgive you just let it go, pray that they forgive you some day and move forward with the intentions of everyday improving your life style to become a better person.

and If your the person judging someone and hating them because of one incident where they hurt your feelings… Let it go! Think of all the good time you’ve had with that person and remember they are only human and like you deserve to be forgiven for that incident. Don’t trash talk them or represent them as a horrible person to the rest of the world for than the issue is with in you, and holding on to that grudge is only going to hurt you in the long run.

Thank you for reading;

kbeautifulmind

Life is like a Box of Chocolates

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.

As I sit here looking at my summer school registration and what my options are for STATS 50, I begin to reminiscent of my freshmen year in college and how long ago that was (about four years ago). I begin to talk my self down a bit and start to say “Wow Kelsey you’re on your fourth year of college and you still can’t finish with your general education? What’s wrong with you?” and that’s when I look up and see the box of chocolates on the table and I start to break it down for myself to remind myself that I’m going to be okay…

In 2008 I graduated from High School in the small town of Monrovia, California and if it wasn’t for the help of some of the staff members as well as my godfather I wouldn’t have been on my way to a four year University, at the fact that I am the first in my family to go to college. In the summer of 2008 I started my first year at Cal State Northridge. As August came I left all the familiar faces from my home town and into a city I went to a new apartment with almost all knew faces (with the exception of my roommate who went to high school with me, and is now my best friend). My first year in college went pretty smoothly and I said to myself “This is easy Ill be finished in four years, than I can go for my masters and my PH.D and Ill be done by age 25-26. Than I can get married and after a year or so start my future family” and there I had it, I had my plan and my box of chocolates and It all seemed sweet and dandy.

and this is where the “you never know what your going to get” comes in…

In my sophomore year at the end of my fall semester, I was in a horrible car accident. This caused me to miss the last month of school which got me a D in my biology class, I had to get a new car not to mention a month later I quit my job because my boss was making me uncomfortable, and I now had to miss spring semester of school because there was an investigation on my school grants and my entire situation.

so I told myself “your going to be okay its just a little bump on the road your only a semester behind”

My junior year came and Fall semester was a success, I moved back home the drive wasn’t to bad everything seemed okay. Than during my winter break my life began to “fall apart” at least as it seemed at the moment. I no longer knew what road I was on anymore, my support I had was no longer by my side, and the people I called “friends” were not the people I thought I knew. I felt alone and all I had was hope that in only a couple of months things would go back to normal. I began to realize I wasn’t appreciated and as my life changed I knew I was worth more than the credit I was given as well as the things I was allowing myself to go through, so I decided to put a stop to it. I than made a drastic change and oh man was it heartbreaking, the hardest decisions to make are the ones your heart does not desire. Spring semester came and it was all a big blur to me, my life was changing and half the times I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see what was going to come next. I was confused and so afraid, heartbroken, alone and lost, and half the times miss lead, I had no idea how to get back on the road and stick to my plan.

I ended up failing my statistics class a grade very well deserved, half the time I didn’t even show up for class.

and here I was only months away from my 21st birthday with my box of chocolates that didn’t turn out to be quite what I expected. Not knowing where I was, what I wanted, or If what I wanted was even worth the wait, I was ready to dispose of it, yet something in my mind told me to wait and try some more.

to make things worse CSUN told me I had to take my STATS class some where else, because of my academic results financial aid was no longer going to pay for it. They said I could return once I had passed the class.

I thought Id loose it, this was it my life was OVER.

Through the support of my close friends and wonderful mother I realized my life wasn’t over and this was just another bump on my road to success.

My summer was nice, I met new people, got close to some and fell apart with others, I cleared my mind and I was ready to accept all that had happened and do all I could to just look forward.

I took my fall semester at a community college and although I didn’t get the Stats class I needed I caught up and I got back on the road. I had wonderful people by my side and I was no longer letting anything stop me.

and here I am spring semester taking Statistics wondering if I’m even going to pass or if Ill have to take it again in the summer… (which for the record it is the 3rd time but because I didn’t learn anything the first time it will be like the 2nd.)

I come to realize that who cares if my box of chocolates isn’t filled with only good,sweet,chocolaty pieces.

and maybe I will have to take STATS again, and I might not get my PH.D till age 30-32 but at least my mind is set that someday I’m going to get there and when I do hold the name of Dr. I can say that I did it and succeeded.

You see school isn’t a sweet rich piece of chocolate, but if it wasn’t hard everyone would do it, it’s the hard that makes it great.

So with my story as example, I tell you that no matter who you are, your age or what your goals and dreams are in life and how long they take don’t let the gross pieces in your box of chocolates stop you from finishing strong.

Because…

Life is like a box of chocolates, loaded with surprises, some delightful and some downright disagreeable. The delicious ones, of course, are easy to swallow, but the gross ones can make you so sick to your stomach that you want to just give up and throw them all away.

However the gross ones determine our depth of character. If life was all sweet and dandy, and your faith and dreams were never challenged, how could any of us be unique and proud after we succeed? It’s the bad times that test our faith and help us to mature as we learn to rely on ourselves and believe in our heart. This makes us see that with another taste, that piece might be the sweet and chocolatey one that reminds us that in the end it will all be worth it.

Yours Truly;

Kbeautifulmind.