Tag: hope

2018

This new year, place yourself where you can grow and learn.

Place yourself where you feel safe.

Place yourself where you feel comfortable.

Place yourself with people that make it feel like home.

Place yourself where you can help, but don’t let it drain you.

Place yourself where you feel loved, but don’t let it change you.

Place yourself where you can listen, but don’t let it overwhelmed you.

Place yourself where you belong, but don’t let anyone take advantage of you.

This new year place yourself where you can grow and learn; not anywhere where you’re devalued.

-Kbeautifulmind

“A man is not defined by his education, his job/ how much money he makes, or his machismo. A true man is defined by his habits, actions, and communication in moments of weakness and vulnerability.” -Kbeautifulmind

“A woman is not defined by her education, job/ how much money she makes, or her pride. A true woman is defined by her habits, actions, and communication in moments of weakness and vulnerability.” 

-kbeautifulmind 

“I’m so proud of you”

“Congratulations on all your great efforts and accomplishments… I’m so proud of you. I’ve always believed in you girls…”

“I am a changed man,” he said…
“I’d like to apologize for anything I might have said…
I’d like to apologize “if” at any time, I hurt you, girls…”

Oh shit, I am really reading this…
even after all these years you dare to say “If”?

“I am a changed man,” he said…

Oh, you changed? Is that suppose to mean something to me, is that what you’re saying?

Let me back track to my childhood for a bit…
Forget it, I’ve let that rest.

Let me back track to age fifteen… When I believed that “maybe” you deserved a chance…
Forget it, I’ve let that rest.

Let me back track to my freshmen year in college… “You’re dumb, you’ll never amount to anything… the day you die… I’m going to thank god for it.”
Forget it, I’ve forgiven you and also let that rest.

Let me back track to a couple years ago…

You said my mom deserved the sickness she was given, yet she was the one who raised us while she was living…
How does such a warrior deserve such sickness?
Even though I’ve accepted that was her journey, I still have moments when I can’t seem to understand or believe it.
Why is it that the one that did what was right, deserved to go, and the bastard that showed us nothing but hate and violence, deserved more?

And who made you the superior to speak such words?

With time I learned that your words were nothing but words, coming from an ill man who’s own childhood had brought him to this mindset of urge.
The urge to hurt those around him and destroy…
I feel sorry for you, I do. Yet, this is still not a good enough excuse.

So many times I wish you would have been there, and when I grew up I realize how blessed I was to not be so privileged.

Yet, here you are “proud and all” what an “honor”…
Do you really think somehow you deserve to be loved by your daughters?

Do you think you have the right to be proud of MY accomplishments?

“You guys are my only ones always forever?”

Only ones? 26 years later?

I think you must have forgotten, mom was the only one there, you were a no-show…
She worked to die, we never saw her…
But she had to be tough because you weren’t man enough.

Why don’t you do us both a favor and pretend we are dead too.

“I just want to tell you that no matter what happens, you guys will never be dead to me or will stop being my beautiful daughters. Because the day you two were born marks the day that you will forever be my daughters and I will wait forever with open arms…”

Ooohhh, now your arms are open?
I guess you didn’t know that your little girl would grow up to be so strong, so capable, so accomplished, or so admirable…

They say be careful with the things you say, because once you say them you can’t take them back.

Let me back track…
“You’re dumb, you’ll never amount to anything…”
Forget it, I’ve let it rest.

You say you’re proud?
Well, sit back, because I am just getting started.

-Kbeautifulmind

Todo lo que haces en tu vida le afecta a alguien y eso dependiendo de tus acciones. Inspiraras a algunos, decepcionarás a otros, y hasta le cambiarás la vida a muchos. La idea es vivir felizmente, de una manera cambiar el mundo, y dejar algo atrás en cual serás recordado/a. 
A veces el miedo de no saber cómo afectarás a otros, ó qué dirán de ti, te detiene.

Pero recuerda, la gente siempre tendrá algo que decir… 

si te tienen envidia, si tu existir les molesta, ó les afecta de alguna manera. Tal vez es porque algo estás haciendo ó algo hiciste correcto en tu existencia. 

-Kbeautifulmind 

Hopeful

Since the moment I met you, there was something in your eyes.

There was something about being in your arms, there was something in our chemistry.

Let this be the way it begins.

Meet me half way, all I ask is that you meet me half way.

I know you’re scared, I’m scared too.

More than you can imagine but, I’m also hopeful.

If you’re not scared, then you’re not paying attention.

You can be scared but being hopeful is what will get you through.

Let this be the way it begins.

Meet me half way, all I ask is that you meet me halfway…

and that you try to be hopeful with me.

-Kbeautifulmind

Until we meet again. 

“I think the hardest part of losing someone isn’t trying to say goodbye, it’s learning how to live without them that’s so unfavorable.” -Kbeautifulmind   
I knew I was going to have to say goodbye to my best friend from the moment they told us the cancer was terminal and every moment after that as we fought to pro long her life. 

Every doctors appointment, every ER visit, every chemo therapy, radiation therapy, and every sleepless night. I knew it. She tried to prepare me, she really did. 

For the most part I would always cry, but I was calm because she taught me to accept it through her peaceful and graceful way of facing it. 

She was one hell of a warrior! People think or say I’m strong, pphheewww they have no idea what strength is. She was like unstoppable! 

When the night of the 22nd hit, my life felt like it was crumbling at my feet and unfortunately those feelings comes back every once in a while and at random times. At night, in the car, at work, while cooking, in the shower, just at random. It’s painful every time, and at times even a bit frustrating. 

Any memory done with out her reminds me that she should be here and all the ones remembered with her break my heart that those were it. 

It’s like someone ripping off the bandaid again and reminding you that the wound is still there. I miss her like freaken crazy, and I told her it wouldn’t be easy…

“No matter how much you prepare me, the day you go it won’t be easy. When will I see you again? Talk to you? Hug you? When mom!?” 

And she said to me calm with grace in her voice; “Until we meet again…. That’s when.” 🐘💕 
So until then, I live. 

I live for her. 

At times in tears, fear, and plenty of stress. However, I live in strength, grace, and as resilient as possible just like she raised me. 

Until the day comes, that we finally meet again. 

-Kbeautifulmind