I still laugh…

I still laugh at the day it happened.

So much cowardly in one phone call.

Promising me that with time we would meet again, that someday our love would continue.

I rememeber laughing that day as you stated your pathetic promise of “we will meet again,” as you used it to justify your decision to throw it all away.

What you didn’t rememeber is what kind of woman you had been with, what kind of woman you had known for over so many years…

I already knew you and what you were capable of.
I knew everything you did to the girl before me,
and I knew what you had done to me.
I already knew about her.
I knew I was being replaced.

Yet I played along and said,
“Yeah, maybe we will. The world is round for a reason right?”

I still laugh at the day it happened, because even though I listened…
I was praying our paths would never cross again.

-Kbeautifulmind

*Old piece I never posted:)

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This one is for the parents of the world and today’s society…

I seriously can say I LOVE LOVE LOVE school this semester, it’s alot of work and all but I really enjoy the classes I have selected to attend. One of my classes has made my feminine side get stronger and has encourage me to continue to follow my dreams with my same goals to make a difference in this world.
These past couple of day’s we been learning about love and abuse. Not just from relationships but abuse from people, normal human beings that mistreat one another in our society. Human beings who teach their children to be homosexual haters, who teach them about sexisum, envy, and verbal and physical brutality.
I believe that some of this isn’t even done intentionally it’s just that some people don’t realize how important it is to change your bad habits and try to be the best role model you can be once you have brought a child into this world.
Therfore…

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This one is for the parents of this world…
Please be good to your children, weather you did it the right way and got your life together before them or even if they were unplanned and you need to get it together with them here by your side. Remember that they are the future that could only get better then the times you have lived in, IF you role model for them appropriately. Teach them to love, to respect EVERYONE, and to judge no one, for they are no one to judge or hate others for who they are, who they like or the color of their skin. You want to always rememeber that once you have had children you need to be the very best person you can be, because once they are old enough they have a chance of mirroring you and following your every move. If you dissapoint them they have a high chance of becoming dissapointments.

This one is for the parents of today’s society…
Because the problem isn’t single mothers or young parents it’s the fact that children, not mentally fully developed adults are having children of their own.
The problem is mom’s twerking on line for attention to make some kind of point not seeing that all they are doing is announcing to the world that they have no self respect, showing their children that self respect is not important.
The problem is the parents smoking weed, doing drugs and publisizing it for the world to see on the web. You like your kush? Thats fine I’m pretty sure that 60 percent of California’s community that smoke weed are not all stupid rebellious teens. However why does the whole world have to know? Is it because you think you look cute smoking into the camara? What happens when your child is old enough to know what you are doing in that picture and when he/she tries to do it says “Mommy/Daddy I just wanted to be just like you?”
The problem is not the media, the society, or the life we have lived the problem is that these parents are not allowing themselves to be mentally developed to see the importance and responsibility that comes with having a child because they too are acting like children themselves.
So your young and have a child already, so what??? No one is asking you to hide from the world now and not have a drink once in a while or smoke a blunt or shake your tail feather to the beat of a song but don’t use your youth as an excuse on why your priorities are all mixed up.
The problem is that you NEED to grow up and be responsible for the love you have grown for that child, make them proud because if you don’t do it then who will?
You brought them to this world, therefor their future is partly your responsibility. Think about it? How will you like to see them years from now?
Even a better question…How will you like them to see you?
Everytime you do something ask yourself, would I be okay with MY child doing this? And if your answer is ever “No” then maybe it’s time to start making better choices.

Concerned for the future,
Kbeautifulmind

An open letter to my absent father…

“When a father walks out on his daughter he takes a piece of her soul with him.” Iyanla Vanzant

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I have to admit when I was a kid not having a father was hard. I remember not understanding why I couldn’t be a “daddy’s girl/princess” like the rest of my friends. I use to wonder what would happen when the moment came that I would get married to my “Prince Charming?”

Who would walk me down the aisle?

I hated fathers day because that meant making some kind of arts and craft decoration and when it came to speaking up about who we were going to give it to…

I’d lie and say “my uncle….”and as I walked out of class I’d just throw it away.
I will never forget an incident in the 4th grade when I threw away this box thing we had made and my class mate caught me and asked

“Kelsey your box was the best one? I thought you were going to give it to your uncle who has been like a dad to you? Let me guess you don’t know who your dad is do you? Don’t feel bad I know this girl who doesn’t know who her dad is because her mom use to go out a lot TOO and got pregnant very young…”
In that moment I don’t know what was hotter my burning red face or my sweater that was making me sweat…
I said to her “Too? I don’t know what your talking about but I DO know who my dad is but, I just happen to have a pretty awesome mom who left him because he was mean to her…”
I couldn’t believe what this girl had just said to me!?

I mean I was only 9 years old but I knew exactly what kind of woman was a woman who “had a lot of fun” and didn’t know who the father of her child was…

and that was NOT the case for my mom at all!
After that incident I really grew up…

Although the arts and crafts activities wouldn’t follow me to middle school, I was finally proud of not having a dad.

I was glad I didn’t have to celebrate fathers day for someone who didn’t deserve it, and I might have only been 9 but in that moment I knew exactly who would walk me down the aisle someday…

and that ladies and gentlemen was and will be my Mother.

Even though my father has made his way back into the lives of my sister and I a couple of times, god knows even if we tried to let him in… it would be a very bad idea.

I mean we have actually tried but it never turns out pretty…

An open letter to my absent father…

Dear Frank;
I don’t hate you, although you have done and said some pretty crucial things to me, I don’t hate you.
I don’t hate you because if it wasn’t for your involvment with my mother…

I wouldn’t be here today,
for that I thank you.
You know when I was a kid I missed you, I don’t know what I missed but, I know that I missed you, the “dad” I never had. I missed someone to comb my hair before I went to bed, or read me a bed time story. Someone to chase the boys away and tell me that no guy would ever be good enough for his baby girl.
However, what I wanted more than anything in this world…

was a hug.

I dreamed of that moment where I would find you, and you would wrap your arms around me and tell me; “Honey, I missed you.”
When you finally contacted us, I’ll never forget that moment!

It was like Michelle and I had just been told we won the lottery!

We were nervous, and scared, but very excited to meet you.

I know she also couldn’t sleep the night before and I’m sure she was also wondering what you would be like?

If you would be happy to see us?

I expected a sweet man with a BIG present (not that the material things mattered but its just what I imagined), and a man so excited to see us that he’d tell us; “Sit down and tell me everything about you? What do you want to be when you grow up? Whats your favorite food? Whats your favorite color?”

But you were nothing like I/we imagined…

and a part of me is sad and disappointed I ever let you in my life…

I mean at least if I would have never “re met” you…

I could have just forever imagined that you were a wonderful, and loving dad who missed us.

But, the other part of me is glad I got to meet the real you.

I got to know your true colors and you got to set the perfect example of everything I don’t want to be…

or of the kind of future husband I pray I dont choose…

So the truth I really don’t hate you even if you’ve said to me;

“The day you die I am going to thank god for it!”

I just feel sorry for you, and I pray that someday before you must leave this earth that you ask god for forgiveness and that you may find peace in your heart.

I pray for you always Frank, and that the day you are gone may your soul be able to rest in peace.

Good luck “dad”…

and…

Incase you care my favorite colors have always been yellow, pink, and white.

My favorite food is Italian, Asian and Mexican.

I want to be a forensic psychologist or a marriage and family therapist when I “grow up”.

Sincerely;

Your Daughter

Kbeautifulmind.