A couple of days ago I had to write my first paper of the semester.
The prompt stated that we’d right about an event in our lives that changed our attitude and character forever.
I automatically thought of my mom, but I knew her death wasn’t the only thing that changed me I had already been changed before that.
It started with the day that I found out she had cancer. I realized I had not relived that memory since it happened and boy was it hard!
But it was almost therapeutic and I wanted to share it with my readers!
Enjoy…
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I have lived a very difficult life. I am the oldest of four who were raised by a
single mother. I had to grow up a lot quicker then most kids my age in order to help out my mom. I don’t remember many fun childhood memories. Most of
them are moments of financial struggle and stress. I was raised by a warrior,
someone who thought me to never give up and to be a positive person. Thanks
to her I always tried to make the most of everything and see the positive in them. My struggles made me the strong person that I am today but it also made me very paranoid to fail in life. As I grew up I became obsessed in succeeding and I was very hard on my self when something did not go as planned. At age twenty two I had already had some set backs on my plan with my education and future career. I was very disappointed in myself yet I was determined to keep pushing and not let anything else stand in my way. I had my mind set and I could not allow anything to make me deviate from my plan!
It was on a Monday afternoon I was at my boyfriends aunt’s memorial service
reception. I was sitting on a table surrounded by his siblings as we all ate our food in silence because non of us could believe she was really gone. I was full of mixed emotions myself as I kept looking at my phone since my mom had been in the hospital for three days with a very bad case of pneumonia. I was waiting for her call because on that day she was getting her final results of all the test they ran and was planning to check out the following morning. I remember taking one more glance at my phone as a text message came in. It said “They said yes”, I replied to her “Yes to what? Is everything okay?” I waited for what seemed the longest five minutes of my life yet no reply. I got up and excused myself from the table as I walked to a quitter area in the salon. I called her three times but she would not answer, I was starting to freak out. I could feel it, something in my heart was telling me that she was not okay. I was nervous, I felt as if the room got very hot and I could feel my face and neck starting to sweat. My phone finally rang and as I answered it my hands were shacking so much that I could barely press the answer button. As I said “Hello” I heard her say “You are the
first person I call, but I need you to stay calm and please do not cry.” Had she
not added the last part I might have stayed strong a little longer but I could feel the tears running down my face on to my chin. She said again “Kelsey? Do you hear me? Please try not to cry” I said to her “Mom what’s wrong? Just tell me already!” She knew I was crying and she said to me as she began to cry “No, no, no, please I told you not to cry! There was a pause and then she said “I have Lung Cancer.” I could not believe what I was hearing. I broke down as I grabbed the bottom of my dress and squeezed my hand into a fist. I could barely breath and speak but I forced out the words and said to her “Is it bad? Is it curable? Are you going to die?” I could hear her begin to also gasp for air as she cried louder and said “ Yes, no unfortunately, eventually but it can take a long time” I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest and all I could say was “No! No! No! No! No! No! Why you? Why god? Why her?” We cried on the phone together till my boyfriend walked over and looked at me with confusion. He said to me, “Is
everything okay?” She heard him and it seemed like she was almost trying to
calm her self down hoping he would not hear cry. She said to me “Listen up, you and I both know God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Everything is going to be okay. Only he knows what he is doing so calm downand try to be positive like I have always thought you to be. I need you to call my sisters and brothers because they have been calling me non stop and I do not wish to go through this again. I am going to get some rest and I’ll see you when you get here. I love you Kelsey remember that everything is going to be okay!” I
don’t remember if I even responded to her after that, I just remember hanging up the phone and telling my boyfriend with a loud cry as I hugged him tightly “My mom has Lung Cancer” I broke down I could not be strong anymore. By the time I looked up his immediate family was there to comfort me. I cried and cried as I was passed from one person to another. His mom hugged me, his dad hugged me, his sisters and finally his grandmother. I felt myself weak in the knees as I hugged the lady who had just buried her third child who had died from cancer. She said to me “I am so sorry honey, I do not know what to say. No one and I mean no one deserves to feel this pain.” I could hear everyone around me crying but it was almost like I was running low on tears. Something in his grandmother’s hug gave me strength and helped me calm down. I wiped my tears off my face and started to call my aunts and uncles before I left the reception and drove to the hospital to see my mom. After that day I was no longer worried about success, failure or if my life worked
out as planned or not. I had mixed emotions on the whole cancer fact and I could still not believe it was true. I went from going to church every Sunday to not going at all and not even blessing myself every morning as I woke up or every night before I went to bed like I use to. This lasted about a year. I went to school and finished my AA Degree but I was not very motivated. I was angry, disappointed and still very confused as to why this diseases had made it’s way into our lives. Eventually I started to go back to church along side with my mom and even though I was still confused I was no longer angry. I had a small break
from school as I took care of her and we fought this disease side by side. I was no longer worried of how long it would take me to finish or when I would start working in the field of my planned carrier. We helped each other through it and like always she was strong and positive making it hard for me not to follow her lead. Five months ago today my mother passed away at the age of forty six. She left four children and a granddaughter behind to live on her legacy. But most of all she left a changed and even stronger daughter who promised her she would not stop until she achieved everything she ever wanted in this life. Even though my mothers sickness and death have been the hardest experienced I have ever lived through, I know that it has made me stronger and changed my perspective on life. I have learned that it is okay to deviate from a plan. I learned that even the most perfect plans could fall apart and that I must not dwell and stress on it too much. I learned anything good takes time. I learned it does not matter how long it takes me to accomplish my dreams as long as I do not give up and keep pushing forward. I now realized money and good fortune is not as important as it perceives. Living life as if it’s your last day is whats important.

The Daughter of a warrior;
Kbeautifulmind