Tag: family

Hospital sleep overs

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I find it really funny that I cant seem to wake up for the gym at 5am but Ive been up since 4:30 this morning…
Someone get me a big bed please!
I’m actually really really tired I can feel it but my brain is telling me “no more sleep for you missy!”
Man oh man are Hospitals so uncomfortable to sleep in. My moms still asleep and although she has her bed to herself she looks uncomfortable too.
She claims to be feeling a little better her face expression seems to say other wise.
Today is her offical birthday and I much rather have took her out for a manicure and pedicure and some lunch….
Maybe I can just give her a pedi myself when she gets out of here if we ever do…
I understand this place is busy but I find it so annoying when they been promising us a doctor since yesterday at 6pm and her doctor is “unavailable” so that doesn’t help…
All I want today is…
1. For her to feel better
2. For the doctor to hurry up
3. To be able to know whats going on and what is our next step
4. To take her home with a positive vibe and good hope
5. To be able to celebrate her for a bit even if its just a small cake and some flowers and balloons
6. To see her smile at least once today

Sitting here waiting for the man in the white coat…

Kbeautifulmind

Oh Cancer how I hate you, your giving me white hairs…

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Hospitals Hospitals are so creepy.
Its Friday afternoon and its my moms fake Birthday technically her Birthday is tomorrow but once upon a time she had a sister who was born today a year before her and died. When my mom was born my grandma made the decision to give her the same name so when she came to the United States my mom brought with her the wrong birth certificate… I know weird right?
But anyways thats all in the processed of getting fixed but her birthday is really tomorrow.
Im waiting for results on my moms cat scan and X rays, and I came to the bathroom and I have 3 white hairs, oh god did that make me feel old… but I know its the stress…
Last night my mom was having alot of chest pain and got really sick “looking” on me, I began to worry but she said to wait it out so we did…
I couldn’t sleep just keeping an eye on her and making sure she was okay…
I began to think again how unfair this was, Why does a 46 year old lady who worked hard her whole life deserve to have it end like this? I mean Im not saying anyone deserves this sickness but you would think that some people deserve a easy path after all the hard ones they have encountered right?
Sometimes I get frustrated I know I shouldn’t question god or why he does the things he does but sometimes I just wish I could understand or get a little sign that everything is going to be okay…
Really dont know how to feel right now except for the fact that Im kind of annoyed I had to call out of work because we need any money we can get. Im annoyed she couldnt start her chemotherapy this morning and Im annoyed how long it takes to wait for all this stuff…
But then again I’m glad to now be spending her fake birthday with her even if its in this cold hospital.

Just a little venting,

Kbeautifulmind

Birthday count down….

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Holly Cow I’ll be 23 in less then 3 hours!!! Blah getting old stinks, but I absolutely love my birthdays because it makes me look back at how time has passed and changed a lot and although sometimes I miss some good old days… I’m so grateful for how much I have grown and learned.
Just thinking that two years ago I almost let the power of love take me down… How stupid would I have been to let that birthday be my last…
I’m so glad to be here.
I’m so grateful for all the amazing people god has allowed in my life and most of all still grateful for having my family together another year!:)
Thanks to all the awesome people who are still by my side, miss all the great ones who once were… wishing them the best and welcoming a new year and many more awesome people to come.
God knows all I want this year is for my moms good health, that he continues to give her strength to fight on, and that this path gets easier for her. However let god hear me that I’m ready for all he has to throw my way and all I ask for is strength through the hard times and lots of love to accompany me along the way.

Kbeautifulmind

The day Im a mother

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If I wanted to I know I could be a great mother now. Thanks to my mom my instincts and methods have cultivated through the years from watching such a wonderful person be an amazing mother. If your a regular reader you may know that my mother is amazing, she is currently fighting a stage four lung cancer and god knows it has been real hard. However she hasn’t allowed it to take over her life and change who she truly is.
My mom is AMAZING, and I know when the day comes for me to be a mother Im going to be a great one.
Through her I have learned a lot.
She has taught me kindness and tolerance for all humans, and situations. Through her I have learned to be positive. I have learned to be strong teaching me that there is nothing that can destroy me for if tomorrow comes it will be a hole new day. I’ve learned to be open to new learnings and to always take in the new knowledge with a positive attitude. She taught me to love, hard and long, and to never give up and always continue to fight for anything or anyone as long as I never loose focus of my value and what I deserve. She role modeled to always listen to my instincts and to not be afraid of doing so. She taught me to have confidence and that no matter what others say or have, I will always find something better within me that will make me proud of being who I am. She’s taught me to always be helpful as Ive watched her open her heart and friendly services to many people; from advising others to do the right thing to a simple favor like giving someone a ride somewhere. I have to say she has to be the greatest friend anyone could ever have.
Over the years our relationship as many mother daughter relationships has had its up and downs. However I can say we never fell too far apart to stop talking and we always found our selves running back to each other. To be more specific wed be “fighting” and shed still call me every 15 minutes. Trust to my mom is a BIG DEAL she values the trust she gives to others and if you break it; that’s it. My mom has always been the perfect mother; never to strict or too careless. She always allowed me to choose my own path and how I wanted to live my life, still trusting me that I would do the right thing. Being trusted has made me never want to disappoint her.
As a twenty-two year old adult now, still not ready for any children of my own I would say the day Im ready Ill be more than ready. I can say for the future and even now I have had the best mentor. Having such a wonderful role model and such a strong individual believe in me and have faith in me has inspired me to be the best ME and someday mother of my own that I could ever be.
I love you mommy,
Happy Mothers Day💕
Thanks for reading;
Kbeautifulmind

If I won the lottery

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I can not sleep and I have work all day tomorrow so that’s not good…
I was fine just laying here in bed, I have a big bed so ever since we found out about my moms cancer we sleep together I sleep to one side and she sleeps to the other with plenty of space for like a third person. I sleep with her because I feel safer this way knowing Im right by her side in case of anything…
Than I bothered to look over and I noticed she fell asleep and looks very uncomfortable with like five pillows keeping her half up like she is almost sitting down and I know its because she can’t really breath sometimes. We told the doctor but he said her lungs sound fine I don’t know what the issue is and its driving me nuts!
So I began to think of when my mom and I use to say “What would we do if we won the lottery someday?”
By the way we never play it is so rare but once in a blue moon we would each get a dollar and buy a ticket and wed always say what we would do…
She would say “I would open up a business something where I could help out alot of people, not just people I know but alot alot of people Id probably buy a house and pay off all our debt and bills so that we never stress again”

I use to say “I would buy you a house and myself one, Id also buy you a restaurant, pay/give you back all the money you have used to do stuff for me and Id go on a big shopping spree as well as go to real poor areas of the world and help them out.”
Man we were dorks… But we dreamed funny probably not what we would do exactly…
and tonight I sit here feeling like I was starting to have an anxiety attack wondering again why my lord oh lord is my mom sick at age 45 with a un curable lung cancer?
Im also thinking of what we would say to each other if we asked again “What we would do if we won the Lottery?”

If I won the lottery I would pay for my mom to see the best doctors on this planet, get thousands of other opinions and if I cant find the cure find something to pro long her life for a very very long time, I would be able to give her that good rest of her life Ive always wanted and take her on trips, help her relax! I would help her breath, eat, sleep, live… oh god Id give my life for her…
Again I ask why her? Why my super woman?
Late night post;
Kbeautifulmind

What Cancer can not do:

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Hello everyone! It feels good to be back, semester is over so that’s a relief and will give me a little more time to myself 🙂
Mother’s Day is also around the corner and Im so grateful my momma is here with me to celebrate the wonderful woman she is. You know not so long ago when I found out about her cancer I could feel it destroying me, making me loose hope and faith.However I managed to get it back…
Because the truth is that Cancer can not do many things after all it ends up being the weakest disease there has ever been.
So your probably wondering What is it that cancer can not do?
Well….
Cancer cannot cripple love. There is nothing in the world that can destroy true love, weather its family, or a romantic lover, when the love is true and its that feeling that’s tattooed on your heart it stays there forever weather that person is around or not. The love I have for my mom is so strong that nothing or anyone could ever take that away from me.
Cancer cannot shatter hope. Hope is something that also just lives in your heart because no matter how hard life may be on you at times, if you have hope you truly have everything.
Cancer cannot dissolve faith. Faith is in the air we breath, faith is what keeps many of us going as we remind our selves that things will turn out just the way they need to be.
Cancer cannot destroy peace. If peace is and has always lived within the person, no matter the drama or issues that person manages to relax and view life differently.
Cancer cannot suppress memories. There is nothing in this world that will ever take away any of the memories my mom and I have made and will continue to make together.
Cancer cannot silence courage. I know that from experience being the daughter of the strongest woman I have ever met and watching her fight and destroy all the bad feelings and energies that try to surround her as she makes it known and as it shows in her person that she will not allow anything to stand in her way.
Cancer cannot invade the soul. Having cancer has made my mom relive and remember how lucky she is for another day and how wonderful she is as a person who deserves nothing but the best.
Cancer cannot destroy us and if we feel like it is we must stop it and not allow it. Because you may have been the unlucky one and trust me I know… IT SUCKS! However you can make the best of it reminding yourself how Important everyday is and how grateful you are to be here.
Thank you for reading;
Kbeautifulmind