Can we get 6,000…?

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It’s Friday after noon and I just called my mom to see how she was doing?
She is a bit better today, her back no longer hurts but she can barely walk, because the pain on the leg is still very strong.
We got a hold of the doctor after we left the hospital and clearly I was right (read my last post) the doctor at emergency over exaggerated a bit. I mean he wasn’t lying, yes cancer in the bone eventually eats up at the bones causing them to collapse. However my mom isn’t quiet there yet. The doctor said her cancer had not grown or moved compared to the last scan he did and that as long as we acted on it we can buy her some time.

Our next issue is the Medi-Cal, my mom has been waiting for an approval for full coverage for over a year now and every time it gets denied….

“She make to “much money!”” they say….

Yet she has no income at all coming in right now… Does that make any sense?

Anyway, as of now my mom has a monthly deductible of 1000 for any medical care that’s not including her treatments and medication.

Therefor even though the doctor has suggested a treatment that can prolong her life and radiation to decrease the pain, we have to either wait or get about $6,000 together to get things started.

Well as you all may predict my mouth dropped as I shead tears knowing there was no way I could get $6,000. My mom told me to stop crying “things will work out for the best.” Even though I appreciate her strength and I am glad she is so positive, I knew in that moment things won’t fall into place any time soon. Unless I could get $6,000 soon. I knew there was no way I was going to win the lottery or meet some one super wealthy that wouldn’t mind just giving me 6,000 dollars and I knew I couldn’t save that money on top of all the bills I have to pay with the kind of money I make. So I decided to swallow my pride and start a fundraiser. Well its not exactly a fundraiser I guess, it’s more like another way of begging for money which is why I kept questioning it and why I’m keeping it from my mom.
So far I’ve raised 265 dollars just telling a small summary of our crazy life story and if this is going to help get my mom treated faster then so be it. I don’t care if she finds out and gets mad, I don’t care what other’s have to say, I need her here with me and the fact that I can’t make things better kills me inside every single day. Therefore I will do anything to get her that treatment,  even if it’s considered begging.

I’m sorry mom that I am asking others for help but I’m not ready to give in to loosing you just yet and I still can’t handle all of this on my own.

For those of you interested in her status, I’ll keep you updated.

and if you care to donate or maybe even just want to share the link to help me spread the word….

Share this link on your social media pages and ask friends to share too! Let’s raise some money for my mommy! http://www.gofundme.com/6ezk9c

Until next time,
Kbeautifulmind

Now these are good friends…

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I’m currently at the hospital with my mom, she is in a lot, a lot of pain. I seriously hate this freaken disease. I am so so sleepy, I feel bad for being sleepy because I know she needs me right now!

Not only is seeing her in pain frustrating but it’s also all so confusing.

She just had a cat scan so we are waiting for results. She has this bad pain in her lower back, she can’t move at all, we know there is cancer now by her spine but it has been there for a while and as far as we know it’s not really harmful yet…

She had to pee, and she couldn’t even move so her two friends had to help me lift her, pull her panties down and slip something underneath to catch her pee…

With unbearable pain and all, as we saw all of her naked parts she looked at me and said “Now these are good friends” and like always she was right, she has close amazing friends that always have her back.

1 1/2 hours later…

Results came back, it sounds weird but I hate how these doctors explain…

“Results show there is pieces of mass on her spine, which is causing her pain, if something isn’t done soon it will continue to eat at it till her bones collaps.”

I wanted to say “Dude RELAX”

So I began to ask, what does the scan show? How do you know it is IN the bones?”

“Well it’s right next to the spine”

“Yes I know that, it has been there since she got diagnosed”

Basically long story short they over exaggerate. I mean I understand they don’t have all her history so what they see is what they say, however they need to relax!

I have to say they make me more nervous….

It can’t be moving fast through her body, it just can’t!……. I pray not…

30 minutes later…

Taking her home in a bit, making a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, let’s see what’s next.

Feeling a bit sad;
Kbeautifulmind

Not even an air bag can stop me…

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The other night I was in a great mood, on my way to wallmart to look for a new lunch pale, rocking out to country music, not on my phone or doing anything I shouldnt be doing while driving. Then all of a sudden this idiot decided to cut me off not realizing he was going way to fast for the traffic. He had to suddenly break and I don’t know what happened next. All I remember is trying to break, I guess I didn’t make it on time and my air bag popped directing towards my face but I been hit by an air bag before so I lifted my face as high as I could so that it wouldn’t get hit. I felt the hit right in my chest as I could smell and taste that nasty acidic powder that comes out of the air bag. I took a couple of seconds to make sure I was okay then it all hit me…

“F*&K MY CAR!! CRAP THAT HURT!! FREAKEN A-HOLE!”

I step out of my car and I just hear “F***, F***, F***!”

Still shocked I told him, “Sorry man, you shouldn’t have been speeding and I couldn’t break on time…”

He relaxed and we finished the process and of course according to the law; the accident was “my fault”.

So now my car is done! Who knows how much it’s going to cost to fix it, I only had liability insurance so I’m not covered… but he is so that’s good I guess, even though his car had like a scratch. I’m also alive, since the last time I got hit by an air bag my car flipped over and paramedics were shocked I wasn’t broken so that’s also a plus. I would hate to die in a car accident, that would suck.

Then I spend the next two days sad, sad because God knows I can’t afford this right now. Sad because I just finished paying off my car only a year ago, and sad because the year had just started and it was already not looking very good.

This morning as I was driving to work in my boyfriends car (lucky guy is in Vegas) and I was listening to Pandora to some rap, one of my favorite rappers said…

“So the next time you feel like your world’s about to end, I hope you studied because he’s testing your faith again”       -Kendrick Lamar

In that moment I realized that it’s life all of it, accidents, loosing your job, breaking your phone, failing a class, crashing your car, loosing your purse/wallet, etc.

Everything happens for a reason maybe god wanted me to have a new car this year (even though he knows I hate car payments) but hey! He knows what’s best for me.

This morning I decided that as long as I still get to live, and have my family and loved one’s by my side; not an air bag or some A-hole on the road was going to stop me from being positive and enjoying the new year!!!

Sending positive vibes your way!
Kbeautifulmind

Oh 2014, the year to start living…

Hi Everyone!
Happy new year!

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Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect. -Alan Cohen

For my first post for 2014 I just want to say “I’m not afraid anymore…” – Home Alone (I love these movies) ha ha.

What I meant by that is…
I been afraid for about three years now. Not just afraid about one thing but about many things.
In 2011 I was heart broken, scarred myself to continue to be afraid of love, trust, and happiness. I was afraid of friendship, new beginnings and moving forward. That lasted until late 2013… sadly to admit. I dwelled on all that had hurt me and on all I had done to hurt others actually making myself believe I was a horrible person… and every time something happened or I got hurt again I’d say “this is my karma”
In 2012 I became more angry then afraid wondering why everyone else around me seemed happy while I was still hurting, then at the very end of 2012 the year smacked me in the face and told me “Kels! Snap out of it, there is other more important thing’s…” as my mom was diagnosed I realized there was more to life, more things to worry about, to value.
In 2013 I had mixed feelings for life and how it all works as I wondered what the point of life was anyway…

However; this year…

I’m not afraid anymore!

I’ve finally took a deep breath, inhaled life for what it has to offer and decided that life goes on past the bad times, the regrets, the mistakes and the sadness and you have to move forward with it.

Times will be hard, sad, stressful and so on but nothing lasts forever so we must live and try to relax through it all.

With god by my side and my faith in him, I know 2014 will be just right.

Small thought;

Kbeautifulmind

A year ago…

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Most of the time we as humans just go day by day with out appreciating life and realizing how time flys by.
The only time we notice how fast time has gone is when someone’s birthday comes up, some kind of anniversary, or someone dearly to us passes away.

I use to be like that, I had my usual prayers “may god protect my family, loved ones and friends from all bad and evil blah blah blah” but I never really thought about it, I didnt sit there to think that I might go to bed and might wake up to tragic news or may not even wake up at all.

Until a year ago today…

I was at a loved ones funeral, I stood at the burial listening to the soothing music playing in the back ground and I began to sing along because it was one of my mother’s favorite songs. With tears in my eyes I began to watch everyone else around me crying with such hurt because they were either the sister, brother, son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, cousin, friend, niece or nephew of this wonderful lady and they all had to say good bye with hope to see her again someday. The one person who broke my heart the most was the mother, her cry yelled her hurt and pain. After all she had already barried 3 of her children. I’ve always heard the saying “A mother or father never wants to bury a child” and I understood the sadness behind it but watching this lady hurt so much made me understand the meaning of it. It broke my heart to pieces, I felt such a heavy burden because I just wanted to help her but there was no way I could.

In that moment I began to think about my mom who at the time was in the hospital trying to get better from a “pneumonia”. Last I heard they were going to get some test results that day and we could take her home. As I thought about her I told god “This might not be the right time or place but I just want to say Thank you, that you’ve yet to put me through this and I pray you wait a very very long time for that because this is so painful that I couldn’t imagine loosing my mother or a sibling.”

I just needed to thank god because the woman who passed ment so much to me and even more to her immediate family. I couldn’t imagine how I would cry, act, feel if it was my mother or a sibling.

In that moment I began to realize how nice it was to still have my family here to hear, hold, kiss and even fight with.

After all the tears and hugs, we headed out for a reception in honor of the deceased where they would play music, a clip with many pictures and memories and have a bunch of yummy food. I honestly already had no appetite and seeing the pictures made me more sad that she was gone. However, I knew I had to be strong because I was there to support a lot of people I had grown to care about.

As I began to eat a bit and watch the beautiful memorabilia they made, my phone rang…

It was my mother, I was waiting for her call because she promised to call me as soon as they gave her the results of the exams.

I’ll never forget this moment…

“Hello?”
“Hi mija the results are in…”
“What did they say?”
“Kelsey, don’t cry, don’t get mad, and try to relax…”

Tears had already started running down my eyes to my cheeks…

“What mom!? Tell me already…”

“I have Lung Cancer… Stage 4…”

“What!?”

I cried and I cried and I cried I was so mad I couldn’t understand why and how god could do this to us…

I could hear her as she began to sob her self and said “Kelsey I told you not to cry!!!”

All I could say was “Come on mom…”

After we hung up I was so mad I was standing in the back of the building by a door and I felt as if life was crashing down on me, I couldn’t breath I tried to catch some air but I felt myself having an anxiety attack my stomach was turning and all I could taste was the salty tears running down my face into my mouth…

I was hugged by those around me including the mother of the deceased who told me “Look at me! We don’t know why god does these things but what we do know is he only gives us what we can handle, you must be strong for your mother she needs you more then she has ever needed you right now…” I could hear everything everyone was telling me including what she said but I was not comprehending like it was in another language! I was surrounded by all these loving people but in that moment I felt alone in my mind asking god “What the hell is your problem? Why my family after all we have gone through?”

Now, a year later I honestly don’t understand how we have done it. But I do understand what the lady said when she told me “we are only given what we can handle” and I finally comprehend even if I hate to accept it. I am so emotional because I honestly did not think my mom would see another Thanksgiving or Holiday Season. I am so so happy and so grateful that she is here with us and I pray to god, now that I’ve made peace with him again and apologized for attacking him that he please keep her here with me for many more years to come and continue to help her be strong so that she could fight on.

I am also grateful and appreciate all those wonderful people that were by my side the minute our family found out. We were forced to welcome cancer into our lives as I was trying to support another family who had just lost a loved one to cancer. But if I had not had them there by my side I wouldn’t have been okay. I am also thankful for those that have stayed by my side until today.

Day by day nothing may change but when you look back everything is different, we must take a minute and appreciate today so that we don’t find ourselves looking back with regret.

Spreading my hope and faith to all of you,
Kbeautifulmind

When I look into my niece’s eyes…

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You wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that come from the unexpected surprises in our lives…♡

When my sister got pregnant I was mad at her.
I say some pretty mean things when I’m hurt. I mean they do say “Never believe what comes out of a persons mouth when they are mad” or “She/He was mad and didn’t mean it”
and in my case this is very true.
Usually when Im mad I laugh at people or at the situation. Ironic I know but the truth is that making me mad doesn’t happen often in my life; However hurting me can come very easy if you put effort into it well at least if I’ve grown to care about you a lot you can really destroy me emotionally.
For example, hurt me then asked me “Do you still love me?”
and you’ll probably get an “I don’t know” or I’ll make up a good one and tell you “I’ve moved on an put fire to the rain” even if I’m dying inside from all the hurt because I still love you with all my heart.

Sadly I shut down and build a wall and sadly most people haven’t stuck around long enough to break it so I just stay hurt and thats sadly the end of that…

Now piss me off, disappoint me and hurt me and even I am disturbed with what comes out of my mouth… its a very bad habit I am honestly ashamed of but I guess it’s because when I love I go all in and when I get hurt I feel so broken I just don’t know how to deal with it.

Well like I said when I found out my sister was pregnant I was hurt because she had made me a promise that ment a lot to me, I was disappointed because she betrayed that promise and I was mad because in that moment I felt like she was an idiot for allowing this to happen knowing her life wasn’t all put together like it should be. She knew how much we had suffered with our single mom so why the HELL not break the cycle and better her future…

As you can see growing up with a single mom has hurt me a lot because I don’t want my siblings to have to suffer like my mom has. I don’t want them to “work to die” I want them to “work to live” I want them to make a bright future out of themselves and become independent successful people. 
When my sister told me she was pregnant I thought her life was over…
and to some young parents it is but not because they had a baby but because they waisted it and took it for granted.
Thats when I realized that my mom didn’t “work to die” she might have worked hard all her life and didn’t get to work to “live it up” but she worked for us and she gave us a great life and loved us so much and that is living. Yeah we suffered, we stressed but then again who doesn’t.
Then on August 25th at around 1:25pm Audrina Genevieve came into our world. When I met my niece and looked into those big googly eyes I couldn’t believe it. In that moment I knew that the future of my sister wouldn’t depend on the fact that this blessing from above was now with us. It wouldn’t make a diffrence it was still on how my sister wanted to build it for herself. I realized that baby or no baby she was still going to make things happen the way she wanted to.

Yes it will be a bit harder and at times she might stress more then others but I now know Audrina is a unexpected blessing to all of us and I am so grateful for her.

Audrina has brought happiness, hope and faith in to our lives. This is something that was covered by a sad storm last December. She is our little Angel god send us to show us that everything will be alright.

When I look into my niece’s eyes I can now see that she was the best unexpected surprise anyone could have ever asked for♥

Therefor when times seem hard, and life is just dark remember that god is sending something good your way you might just not realize what it is going to come in. It can come in a new love, a good friend, or even in a addition to the family. Just know that it’s coming and it will soon brighten up your life again♥

Happy Auntie;
Kbeautifulmind

Dam you Desperate House Wives…

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My Sundays are the most boring days of my week, you see even though I work 6 days a week and go to school 4 days a week I like it a bit because it keeps me busy, gives me no time to think about the hard times and over all keeps me moving.

I know its not good to bottle it all up inside because its unhealthy for the human body.
If many of you didn’t know negative stress is the most deadly disease there could be. It is one of the causes for many other diseases to our bodies and its one of the most horrible feelings in the world. I say one of the most because I honestly think a heart break might be worse.

It’s probably the main cause of my moms cancer since she has lived her hole life in stress and working hard to give us a decent living.

Anyway, Sundays are so boring I rarly have anything to do at work that I sit here and fiddle with my phone, play candy crush or go on my social media apps or pin on pintrest till Im tired of it. As I do that Ill watch a movie on Netflix or a new show series. You would think I’d take this time to do some homework but I can’t seem to concentrate on homework when Im here. Ironic I know, but it really really gets that boring. This morning I painted my nails and at the same time continued to watch the TV show series of “Desperate House Wives” I like this show because although some of it may seem a bit “stupid” there is always a lesson or some kind of knot that ties the hole episode together and gives it a meaning.
This morning I saw an episode of season 5 called “The best thing that ever could have happened” Basically the episode ties around the story of a “handy man” who came to wisteria lane the street where all these rich wives and their husbands live in and asked one of them for a job, he slowly made his way around the block and made his business grow. Although the guy could fix anything what truly got him all his jobs was the big heart he carried in his cheast. The man was not only a handy man but also a wonderful friend that sadly these ladies didn’t notice as much as they should have. He would give them great advise and help them with more then just a lock, or a window or a clogged sink. Anyway the man died of a heart attack and the hole episode the ladies would remember how he helped them. They began to realize how wonderful he was as a person not just a great handy man.
Anyway the episode brought me to tears like dramatic big fat water fall tears that I was very glad in that moment how slow work was on Sundays. Ha ha

I mean if you know me well, you know that I am a BIG cry baby, yes I am. I cry to the lion king, every love story in a film and I own many of them on DVD and no matter how many times I watch them I ALWAYS cry. It’s something I don’t know where I picked it up from because my father was as cold as the North Pole and my mom is not really emotional either. She always says that “crying isn’t going to fix anything”
Anyway I cried for her actually. I cried because my mom has a heart as big as that handy man on the show and she has always been such a great friend and helping hand to so many people.

I honestly use to hate it. I would get so mad at her that she’d always be going the extra mile for all of her “so called” friends. Most of them till this day have not realized how great she is. From rides, to a place to stay, advise and even driving a friend home once after catching her cheating husband at some bar at 2 in the morning. I would get mad at her because I felt they didn’t appreciate her and most of them really didn’t. 
One day I remember telling her “Ugh! You are so annoying why do you go out of your way for your stupid ungrateful friends? Your always doing anything to help them and when the hell do they ask you how your doing?” She laughed at me and said “I know, I know shut up already”

Then one night a couple of years back I got home from a very annoying night of driving around a group of drunk boys that were old friends/acquaintances.

She laughed when I walked in and said “Don’t you work tomorrow? And need to drive all the way back to Northridge?” “I said yes, why do you ask?”
and that’s when she said to me…
“You see in some ways you are as “annoying” as I am. You sit here and always ask me why I do so much for all these so called “friends” of mine but here you are coming in late because your friends were drunk so they needed a designative driver. And if you haven’t notice your always one to offer help to your friends and loved ones. You practically give your life for the guy your in love with and would do anything to make life easier for those around you no matter how hard your life is. So tell me do they ever ask you how your doing? Feeling? If times are hard or not? Probably not!
You see Kelsey it’s not that your dumb or trying to be “annoying” but its just that some of us were born with big hearts and the patience and ability to help people. We hurt for others when they are in pain and we feel that we must help anyone in need. Now weather you enjoy it or not which in your case you don’t. However you’ll come to a time in your life when you’ll realize that as annoying as it is or weather people appreciate it or not you know you are doing a good thing. You know that you couldn’t just walk away and make your drunk friends find their own ride or even worse drive them selves. But most of all you’ll know that god gave you a big heart for a reason and although at times you may dread helping others because you feel they don’t appreciate it or take advantage of you. When that day comes you wont care because you are a caring, helping person like your mom and you’ll be okay helping others because in that moment you’ll know that this is the special gift that god gave you and you will know he watches our every move. When that time comes just remember that one who gives will always receive even if it is not directly from the same person.”

I cried to this episode of Desperate House Wives because I finally had that moment. I was so proud to see how I have grown, proud to know that my moms good ways have rubbed off on me. Although I get annoyed with people very easily and I can’t stand ungrateful jerks that don’t notice how much you care about them and what you would do to make them happy. In that moment I realized that she was right. I dont regret driving drunk friends around. Opening my home to an old friend I saw as my sister who later betrayed me by saying my family was a group of losers who couldn’t financially keep themselves stabled. I dont regret going out of my way for anyone even dropping my entire life for a guy I saw the rest of my life with. Because from all of those experiences I did get something back in return. I grew and I learned to better appreciate life around me, to appreciate those who were still by my side, to learn from my own mistakes and regrets and to make a pact with god that as long as I live and I can I will continue to help those around me because someday they will notice and if they don’t Ill be at peace because I know he does.

Being a big cry baby like always;
Kbeautifulmind.

Little o’ miss nice cinderella♥

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Hello everyone;
I like to greet all of you like if I have regular readers or something like that…
Ha ha I know its silly but everytime I get on here I imagine myself in a room sitting there and actually talking to a bunch of people or even a small audience…
I’m a weirdo, I know. Anyway it has been a very long time since I have wrote anything but to admit I’m always writing in my head its just hard to keep up with my blog on top of my busy life…
I just got out of work, I work two jobs and go to school full time. I work 6 days a week with one day off and that’s the day I’m in school ALL DAY. So as you may see Im a busy busy bee.
In all of that I manage to fit in a relationship with a great guy who also works full time and goes to school so he is very understanding 🙂
And I can’t forget about my amazing friends who are also busy bee’s and well I try my very BEST to fit them into my schedule too! They KNOW and also understand!
Anyway it’s nights like these where my feet hurt, my back aches and I had to work a hole other hour because I work with some lazy ass people who could careless if the work gets done, now they aren’t all like that but the ones that are make me just want to scream and say “Forget this s#&t!”
I’ve lost count of the days that I just want to throw everything on the floor & say “Forget work I can’t even stand these jobs 80 percent of the time, forget school and this degree that takes too long and forget everyone and everything! I’m done being nice, I’m done being the only one that plays by the rules and being little miss nice cinderella…”
Then god reminds me…
Its like some sort of will power takes over my body and tells me to “chill out!”
It tells me that my break is coming soon and one day I’ll be able to look back with pride and see that everything I have is not because anyone else handed it to me but because I (ME!) worked hard for it!
This thing, a very powerful thing that gets inside tells me to look around and see that I am alive, I have met my long life friends, Im loved truly and my momma is still by our side smiling, my family is united and healthy and have all gotten another chance at another day!”
That’s when I breath, I relax and take a minute to thank god for all I have for it might not be worth much to others but to me its worth everything…

So remember you may be tired today

(Shoot! IM SUPER tired!)

But tomorrow is another day that reminds you that if your lucky enough to have the chance and live it, your that much closer to your carriage, that much closer to the ball and the happy ending, to the days where all the hard work will pay off!

Little o’ miss nice cinderella;
Kbeautifulmind

An open letter to my absent father…

“When a father walks out on his daughter he takes a piece of her soul with him.” Iyanla Vanzant

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I have to admit when I was a kid not having a father was hard. I remember not understanding why I couldn’t be a “daddy’s girl/princess” like the rest of my friends. I use to wonder what would happen when the moment came that I would get married to my “Prince Charming?”

Who would walk me down the aisle?

I hated fathers day because that meant making some kind of arts and craft decoration and when it came to speaking up about who we were going to give it to…

I’d lie and say “my uncle….”and as I walked out of class I’d just throw it away.
I will never forget an incident in the 4th grade when I threw away this box thing we had made and my class mate caught me and asked

“Kelsey your box was the best one? I thought you were going to give it to your uncle who has been like a dad to you? Let me guess you don’t know who your dad is do you? Don’t feel bad I know this girl who doesn’t know who her dad is because her mom use to go out a lot TOO and got pregnant very young…”
In that moment I don’t know what was hotter my burning red face or my sweater that was making me sweat…
I said to her “Too? I don’t know what your talking about but I DO know who my dad is but, I just happen to have a pretty awesome mom who left him because he was mean to her…”
I couldn’t believe what this girl had just said to me!?

I mean I was only 9 years old but I knew exactly what kind of woman was a woman who “had a lot of fun” and didn’t know who the father of her child was…

and that was NOT the case for my mom at all!
After that incident I really grew up…

Although the arts and crafts activities wouldn’t follow me to middle school, I was finally proud of not having a dad.

I was glad I didn’t have to celebrate fathers day for someone who didn’t deserve it, and I might have only been 9 but in that moment I knew exactly who would walk me down the aisle someday…

and that ladies and gentlemen was and will be my Mother.

Even though my father has made his way back into the lives of my sister and I a couple of times, god knows even if we tried to let him in… it would be a very bad idea.

I mean we have actually tried but it never turns out pretty…

An open letter to my absent father…

Dear Frank;
I don’t hate you, although you have done and said some pretty crucial things to me, I don’t hate you.
I don’t hate you because if it wasn’t for your involvment with my mother…

I wouldn’t be here today,
for that I thank you.
You know when I was a kid I missed you, I don’t know what I missed but, I know that I missed you, the “dad” I never had. I missed someone to comb my hair before I went to bed, or read me a bed time story. Someone to chase the boys away and tell me that no guy would ever be good enough for his baby girl.
However, what I wanted more than anything in this world…

was a hug.

I dreamed of that moment where I would find you, and you would wrap your arms around me and tell me; “Honey, I missed you.”
When you finally contacted us, I’ll never forget that moment!

It was like Michelle and I had just been told we won the lottery!

We were nervous, and scared, but very excited to meet you.

I know she also couldn’t sleep the night before and I’m sure she was also wondering what you would be like?

If you would be happy to see us?

I expected a sweet man with a BIG present (not that the material things mattered but its just what I imagined), and a man so excited to see us that he’d tell us; “Sit down and tell me everything about you? What do you want to be when you grow up? Whats your favorite food? Whats your favorite color?”

But you were nothing like I/we imagined…

and a part of me is sad and disappointed I ever let you in my life…

I mean at least if I would have never “re met” you…

I could have just forever imagined that you were a wonderful, and loving dad who missed us.

But, the other part of me is glad I got to meet the real you.

I got to know your true colors and you got to set the perfect example of everything I don’t want to be…

or of the kind of future husband I pray I dont choose…

So the truth I really don’t hate you even if you’ve said to me;

“The day you die I am going to thank god for it!”

I just feel sorry for you, and I pray that someday before you must leave this earth that you ask god for forgiveness and that you may find peace in your heart.

I pray for you always Frank, and that the day you are gone may your soul be able to rest in peace.

Good luck “dad”…

and…

Incase you care my favorite colors have always been yellow, pink, and white.

My favorite food is Italian, Asian and Mexican.

I want to be a forensic psychologist or a marriage and family therapist when I “grow up”.

Sincerely;

Your Daughter

Kbeautifulmind.

Just keep Swimming

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As many of you may know my mother has Cancer, Lung Cancer Stage 4.
Although all we have heard is its not curable we can only try pro long her life, something in me doesn’t settle for these answers and something in her doesn’t settle either shes a fighting warrior and will continue to fight till the end.
Since my mom was diagnosed I’ve done my research from reading stories, about other treatments, to EVERYTHING I’ve dedicated alot of my time to this disease and I guess trying to understand it and find some answers.

When I found out about how long your hair had to be to donate it and where I could send it in, I also came across a story about this beautiful girl by the name of Talia.
Talia was a young girl that at the age of about 8 years old was diagnosed with Cancer.
What the hell do you even know at age 8?
I mean your suppose to be playing outside, wearing your moms heels and lip sticks not laying in a bed fighting for your life!
This young girl was something else, she was strong, and just different from other young girls. Talia forgot the fact that she was sick, forgot the fact that she was bald and pushed through fighting for 6 years straight in the best mood she could ever be. She inspiring young girls and all people around the world to see the true beauty of life. She said she will not let this bring her down or let her be depressed because a little fish once told her to “Just keep swimming”
She called her self “The Bald Girl” and inspired people by showing her true beauty as one of gods angels. She did make up tutorials on YouTube, She was a host on Ellen’s Show and was also an inspiring face for the cover on “Cover Girl”
This morning at only age 13 at 11:22am Talia earned her wings. God decided she was good to go and took his angel with him to watch over the rest of us down here.

I’ll never understand this disease, but what I do understand now is god picks his warrior who he knows could handle what he is giving them and Talia was just another warrior in this world…
R.I.P TaliaJoy

and remember everyone no matter what your going through…

“Just keep Swimming”♥

Kbeautifulmind