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Hello Dear WordPress Followers,

I’d to take this moment to thank you all for reading my work, for being fans of what I write and believe in since I created my blog.

I’d also like to address that I’m working on writing more this year, expanding my words to touch more lives, and to share that I have some new and fun exciting project ideas on the way!

I’ve decided to create a “Professional Instagram” page, were I’d like to expose my poetry, quotes, short stories, advise through my knowledge, and display my soon to come videos or audio recordings!

I hope you all will follow and join me in this exciting journey!

Instagram: Kbeautifulmind__ (those are two _ _ )

Thanks y’all! I’m excited!

XO,

Kbeautifulmind

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Like a Butterfly

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You tuck me in, turn out the lights,
kept me safe and sound at night,
little girls depend on things like that.
You taught me how to dress myself, and almost always combed my hair, helped build my self-esteem and helped me build a heart that cares.
You had to deal with my funny moods, but calmed me down before I turned blue, reminding me that I would be alright.
You were always there when I looked back, the two of us made quite a team, never did I think we’d ever be separated quite so fast.
You had to do it all alone, a single mom who had to make a living and make a home.
It must have been as hard as it could be, but even through all the struggles and hard times, you kept a smile on your face not letting us see how much of you life would take.
And when I couldn’t sleep at night, scared things wouldn’t turn out right
you would hold my hand and simply tell me…
“Just like caterpillar in the trees, how you wonder who you’ll be, but with time you will see.
Don’t you worry, hold on tight.
I promise you there will come a time, where like a butterfly you will also spread your wings.”
-Kbeautifulmind

What will you do?

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Today is my last day of summer vacation. I guess you can say it’s not exactly the summer vacation my little brothers get or the kind I use to get back when I was in grade school. The cat naps, waking up when you wanted, going to bed as late as you wanted (I can’t even count how many all nighters my little brother Kevin pulled playing video games) eating what you wanted and doing what you wanted for about 2-3 months. I’ve been working since high school and I’ve juggled two jobs now since 2008. Time just flies by way to fast sometimes. Without even realizing it minutes, hours, and days are just passing. When you’re so caught up on your career and your future, things just keep moving on.
We’ve been fortunate enough to keep ourselves busy- I say fortunate because we’re trying our best to block out and not paying attention to the tough times we are currently living. It’s now been four months since my momma left this life. Being busy makes the toughest times seem not so bad. This summer I can honestly say I did alot; 4 concerts one more to come, 6 Dodger games, a couple visits to Six Flags (I am a pass holder), at least 6 nights out dancing, out door movie nights, small gatherings,  dinner dates, game nights, 1 dinner party/kick back hosted by me, a trip to Texas and a couple other outings including my birthday celebrations! But some how I always manage to go back to that day she left us and it breaks my heart everytime.
They say time heels all, and it’s only been four months but I don’t think anything will ever feel the same again.
Because everything reminds me of her and this emptiness I feel could never be filled.
However I was thinking to myself the other night as I laid in bed (missing her of course since we spend the last 2 years sleeping together because I was afraid she would choke) and I thought to myself how can I move forward?
I thought of the fact that my brothers have been so disrespectful the whole “You are not our mom” phase has kicked in and I am so stressed out at times. I thought about how in only a couple of days (starting tomorrow) I’ll be juggling school, 2 jobs and 2 teenagers…. and I wanted to run away in that moment! Then the thinking happened and I started to tell myself…
“Be positive!”
“Breath!”
“Her death can’t make you give up! How will you represent her? Honor her? Make her proud?”
Although alot of people have told me I am doing a good job already, in that moment I decided I need to do more, I need to try and be positive and I need to raise her children right….
I need to be the Super Women she was.
So with that in mind I know that as of today there is 230 days left to this year. I’m going to try and be positive everyday, live life, find peace and represent my mother as the fighter and Super Women she ro modeld for 46 years. I’m going to focus on making myself be happy again, be healthier, and feel over all better because I know that’s what she would want! (Because she told me this in a letter)

So what are you going to do?
We are all living different life circumstances but I want to advise you all to make the 230 days count! Keep pushing yourself, keep yourself busy, and keep your head high as you welcome positivity in to your life. Good things will come out of it all, guaranteed.

Remembering that no storm is forever;
Kbeautifulmind

Happy Birthday up in Heaven

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Happy Birthday up in Heaven
from your children here on earth.
We love you and We miss you,
and want to let you know…
 
Your birthdays aren’t forgotten.
and your memory yet lives on.
We your children will celebrate your life with us even though you’ve gone.
 
If God were to grant us just one wish,
then make that wish come true,
you’d be here right beside us
and we’d spend this special day with you.
 
And while here for your birthday
you would be so hugged and kissed
that you would know before you go
how much you’re loved and missed.

We hope that you enjoy yourself and are smiling from up above. And that you have a big ol’ cake with lots of strawberries on top.

We hope that you are proud very happy and stress free,  that you are looking at us and are delighted with what you see.

Happy 47th Birthday Mommy we love you and miss you so darn much.

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Wishing you were here;
Kbeautifulmind

What’s with the miggit?

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There is only a couple of people I’ve ever known in my life that like me actually believe that the dreams we have mean something, or are trying to tell us something.
Those people are my friend Dawnn, my uncle Luis and my mom. My mom believed it almost religiously and she was so good at telling you exactly what your dream ment and what you were suppose to get out of it. My uncle and mom had that same gift, I call it a gift because some of the stuff my mom would dream were really clear warnings of something in the future. I swear god put her in this world as a messenger and an angel here to help others. Everyone of her friends including my friend Dawnn would go to her to ask about their dreams. And she was always right.
I got in a big accident back in 2009 and she knew about it like a week before, she didn’t know it be that bad but she kept dreaming stuff that pretty much told her I would be in an accident… weird right?

Since my mom has passed I been really jealous of all other people who have gotten the chance to dream, see and even feel her. I haven’t been as lucky like all of her close friends and my siblings. I have no idea why? My friend told me “Maybe she doesn’t think you are ready yet” and maybe she is right, but I still was jealous of everyone else.

Then the other night I finally felt her in my dream, but unfortunately I didn’t get to see her.

Instead it was a dream I probably would have been very scared of, except that I actually felt her which made it not so scary. It was the weirdest dream ever!

It was a few days before my boyfriend graduated from school, I dreamed that he was telling me that he was not going to graduate because of his hair style, the school was just not allowing it.

So I left the room which was apparently “our” room and I went to go ask someone that was in the room next door “Why can’t he graduate wit his hair style?”

Anyway long story short when I left that room I was walking into my living room to make sure the doors were locked and a miggit popped out of the corner by the door to hug me! Yes you read right a miggit! A little tini person!

If you know me well you know I am scared of little people. No I don’t act rude or scream like a nut job when I see one but I do begin to feel like I am hyperventilating when I am close to one and I have to tell myself to relax.
Why you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA!
Yes, I know they are human too and that there is no reason to be afraid of them but I am terrified! And I am so sorry for that if you are smaller then 4 feet and are thinking “RUDE” I promise I don’t mean no harm, I just get nervous and scared when I see a super small human being.

Anyway back to my dream…

So the miggit popped out of the corner and hugged my legs very very tight, then dropped me to the grown still holding me and that’s when I saw my little brothers face with a little bit of my mom’s face and I asked it…

“Mom is that you?”

And it nodded “Yes!”
My blood pressure began to rise as I wanted to freak out but was also very excited! I grabbed it’s face and mouth and kept saying “Mom is that really you? Say something to me! Talk to me!”

It just stared at me with its mouth wide open, just like my mom looked when she was on her last 3 days as she was gasping for air…

I began to get scared because “it” wouldn’t talk and I said…
“Mom! I’m so sorry! Are you mad at me? Do you still love me? Am I making you proud?”

And after every question “it” looked at me with confusion, still hugging me tight nodding it’s head… No…yes… and a faster yes to the last question.

Then I heard my boyfriend’s voice…
“Girlfriend are you okay?”

And the little person, or little Kevin/Mom looked at me with a fear in it’s face like we were going to get caught and said…

“I’m sorry, I need to go… I love you.”

and It was MY mom’s voice! It was her! And “it” disappeared as it left me laying there curled up in a ball hugging myself.

The dream ended with me telling my boyfriend “She was here, why did you come out? Why? Why?” As I cried and cried.

What made it more real was that I woke up at almost 4am and I couldn’t move. I was crying a waterfall of tears and my body was tight and I was still hugging myself and I could still feel the super tight hug that the little person gave me. I cried and I cried. I wasn’t sure if I was afraid because the dream was so weird or happy because I finally felt/heard her. All I knew is that I could not move and I needed to call my boyfriend to tell him but it took me about 10 minutes before I could move.

After I called and woke him, talked and was able to relax I kept thinking “What’s with the miggit mom? What the hell does that mean?” I couldn’t understand why she/god or the dream angel would have me feel/hear her through the body of a little person knowing how afraid I am of them?

And it still doesn’t make sense, except for the idea that maybe she was trying to tell me to “not be afraid of what’s coming”

All I know is that it was weird, yet nice to finally feel her and that I really wished I could run to her room and ask her what the dream ment… But I couldn’t.

Hoping to dream her again soon;
Kbeautifulmind

“If Roses grow in Heaven”

If Roses grow in Heaven
Lord, please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my Mother’s arms
and tell her they’re from me.

Tell her that I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there’s an ache within my heart
that will never go away.
-Unknown

Happy Mother’s day Mommy, I love you and miss you very much♡
Life with out you sucks and I still can’t seem to accept it. I’m trying to be strong like you asked me to, I really am trying my very best.
But the truth it’s really hard.
I miss you dearly.
I cry in the car, at work and before I go to bed and sometimes even in my sleep. I know I shouldn’t be crying because I am probably making you sad but I just can’t help it. I wish you were still here, I wish god had seen that I still need you.
They say you are no longer in pain and that makes me happy but my question is what was god thinking giving you that pain in the first place?
They say you are here in spirit but I want you here in person.
I’m sorry I am not as strong as you said I’d be, till we meet again♡
R.I.P Best Friend, te quiero muchisimo!
July 12th, 1967 – April 22nd, 2014

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Your Best Friend,
Kbeautifulmind