No true friend will EVER

My first friendship betrayal happened my freshmen year in HS.
After that situation my mom gave me this talk as I cried in her lap…
I rememeber it because I wrote it down in my diary that night, and litterly made myself learn it.
I use to allow people to walk all over me.
Throughout highschool whenever anyone pulled some crap on me, I cut them right out of my life.
I didn’t care if I ended up alone, I just didn’t believe in dealing with these kind of people.
I didn’t find it worthy.

“No true friend will EVER talk about you.
No true friend will EVER spill out your secrets and anything that you’ve told them confidently.
No true friend will EVER disrespect you, or try to embarrass you in front of others.
No true friend will EVER be jealous of you, be envious of anything you have, or secretly wish that you don’t succeed.
A true friend however might just tell you like it is at times, or what you don’t wish to hear.
BUT never in a way where they be little you or make you feel worse than you might already feel.
Last but not least, always step back and observe the person, see what their intentions are and WHY they desire to be in your life.
Usually if you watch, you can see right through them.
If they do any of this and claim that it’s because they are your friend, those are not friends mija. They are people who stick around because they want to either be you, or are hoping to have the joy of watching you fail.”
-Maricela Lopez
Basically, no true friend will EVER betray you.

Thank you momma for being such a wonderful role model, mother and friend!
Thanks to you I learned to cherish and appreciate the good people I have in my life and I do my best to be as good to them as I can be.
I mean we are all human, we’ve said stupid things we regret, or have made the mistake of taking others for granted.
However, I believe that when the behavior repeats it’s self, you shouldn’t have to continue to allow those people to stay in your life.
Just like baseball, 1, 2, 3 strikes you’re out!
-Kbeautifulmind

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“You’re a dimond in the rough.”

“You’re my Dimond in the rough.”

Was the lie that rolled out of his tongue;

as he promised her forever, days before he left her.

“You’re my Dimond in the rough.”

Were the words that ran in her head, as she cried after she discovered the truth only days later.

There he was, the man she had helped built, and never gave up on.
The man she forgave, over and over again many times before…
The man she fought for, for so long.
There he was…
In a picture with another one of his little flings, the one that was worth walking away with.
The other woman who had no respect, and decided to post a picture of them after only a couple of days.
Like breaking someone’s heart wasn’t enough pain, so they had to humiliate her and laugh in her face.

“You’re a dimond in the rough,” she says out loud now that so much time has passed.

“You’re a dimond in the rough,” she says smiling and giggling as she sees how happy she is now.
Now, that she has discovered that she is indeed a dimond…

except this time she’s free from the rough, never to have to live through such nightmare again.

-Kbeautifulmind

Infidelity

Last night I found out about a man who cheated on his wife and had another child with the side chick.
The wife didn’t leave him and they were married until he passed and they had sixteen kids.
I found myself feeling so disappointed, as I know a couple of his daughter’s who always spoke so highly of him and his husband/father skills.
I went to my two best friends and told them about it.
One of them is at work so she didn’t say much.
But the other one told me “Honestly Kelsey, I feel infidelity has been this common since men and women existed. We just find out about it so fast now because of media and the gadgets we have. I feel that when love is true, only you know what you can work with and if you can or can’t stick around. Maybe infidelity is meant to be worked through?”
I saw where she was coming from but to an extent I didn’t understand nor do I still understand.
So then I asked myself
“Why did you try working through it?”
A couple years ago I got into a relationship that knocked me out of my feet.
I had known true, honest and genuine love before that but it was young love and we both wanted different things.
However this second relationship was crazy, never boring, always felt like there was something new going on and it kept me on my feet. At first I thought I liked it, the excitment of the feeling of trouble and adventure….
Till the lies and the cheating started. Now I’ll give him some credit, it wasn’t cheating like he was hooking up or sleeping around. It was innocent “flirt texting, pictures sent, etc.” Till now from my knowledge there was no physical activity.
However, it killed me.
I went from a confident, happy, good girl to a unsecured, worried, depressed, stressed girl who was no longer liking the feeling of playing with fire.
I’d freak out when I’d see him pick up his phone and text, I’d worry when I didn’t know where he was and so on.
Now I wasn’t extreme like the “memes” on social media explain us chick’s to be now in days.
I didn’t check his phone bill or text everyday, he didn’t report to me, I didn’t call to see where he was, etc.
Why?
Well because I believed that no matter how short or long I heald the leash, a dog was going to be a dog and do as he pleased either way.
But I still thought I loved him, so I stayed.
I stayed and worked through it, I listened and accepted his apologies and I let him prove himself, and he did.
He arrived with flowers, took me on little surprised adventures, texted me twenty-four seven and did all he could to make me forget.
Sadly I never did, the text messages, the calls, the email, and the pictures had haunted me. They had haunted me so bad I was unhappy, I’d cry all the time on my own, I didn’t take care of my image and when I got hit on I’d feel bad about myself instead of flattered.
The questions I always asked him and myself were, “Why are you doing this to me? What do I have to do to be better? Why am I not good enough? Do you not have what you want here that you have to go look somewhere else?”
It came to the point where I no longer knew who I was anymore, to top it off I had a mother dying of cancer and things weren’t so good all around.
Anyway, just so you guys know that stuff only happen during the first year or so, the last three years seemed fine, I don’t think he was talking to anyone else but the damage had been done.
I wasn’t over it, when we had good days, weeks, months, I still wouldn’t let it rest.
I’d pray to God to let me find out one more thing so I could walk away.
I’d imagine these scenarios in my head before bed, in the shower, in class about how I’d catch him one last time, prove myself right that he was still a dog, and I’d walk away with what was left of me…
Unfortunetly it didn’t exactly happen like that.
I got dumped and blamed for it. I was told that this was all my fault, that I had lost myself, that I wasn’t the same happy, motivated, and romantic gal he had fell in-love with.
Boy, was I crushed.
I couldn’t believe that during my time of grieving my mother’s death he was going to walk out on me.
That wasn’t how the story was suppose to end, if any one was suppose to walk away it should have been me. I kept telling myself, “How dare he? After all I delt with? After all the chances I gave him? And yet this is all my fault?”
To end the story only weeks later and after some investigating it all came out to light. I just couldn’t get myself to buy the excuse of “I need some time alone.”
I had observed this guy for years even before we got romantically involved, and if it’s one thing I knew about him was that he could NEVER be alone. So to my findings I was right! There had already been someone else in the picture, he was already talking to someone else only this time he didn’t get caught which allowed it to continue for who knows how long, and he walked away with her.
I’ll admit, I was SO HAPPY. I finally had the proof I needed to know this wasn’t my fault. I cried at the findings of the betrayal and at the fact that she was so ugly (from my taste in woman that is) but man did it motivate me.
There I was ready to feel alive again,  finally that big weight I carried for years off my shoulders, and ready to love myself and find true happiness again.
So I tell my story because yes I guess you can work through infidelity but will you ever feel the same again? Will you ever feel like you did when you first met the person? I know I didn’t.
I guess that’s just the one thing that scares me, if infidelity is as common as they say, and everyone does it…
Then maybe like Usher once sang…
“I don’t want to know, if your playing me, please keep it on the low.”
In all seriousness, everyone should think twice before they give into temptation, yes it’s fun but if you love your significant other, if they mean the world to you just remember that if you crush them you are destroying your best friend. Imagine them in bed with someone else moaning the way only you have made them moan, and ask yourself…
“Is it worth it?”
It really isn’t, once trust is broken it can be so hard to get it back.
Back to me, I guess I just pray I find someone with the same views as mine.
It’s a scary world out there…

Just sharing my thoughts and story,
Kbeautifulmind

I thought I was a victim

I thought I was a victim, am I not good enough I’d ask myself?
What do I have to do, to grab his full attention?
What can I do to change him, to have him see that I am what he needs?
He says I’m the one and tells the same story to all of our loved ones, but at night he rushes to his contact list to see who he can get attention from.
I thought I was a victim, so I’d despise him everytime; kicking myself thinking “maybe you are not good enough.”
You need to be smarter, learn how to drive better, don’t speak to much, don’t over think, don’t share your feelings, don’t bother him to the extremes.
I thought I was a victim because he made me feel that way, then I realized I played apart in my own unhappiness by deciding to stay.
-Kbeautifulmind

Our memories…

image

Our memories still float in the night sky, like the stars above shinning bright.
All the promises we made, all the sweet things we said, run and scream loud through these old times.
In pictures we’re still happy, in our love letters we’re still forever.
Our memories still float in the night sky,
like the stars that shined bright on that night at the stop light.
The time where the light paused on red, uniting our souls and our love as we made love till the end.
With fire and desire in our eyes we burned our names on the pavement, building up with lust as we steamed up the glass in the car.
Your kisses seemed true, as we united our bodies together and moved them to the beat of the music on the stereo.
Our memories still float in the night sky, like the stars that shined bright on that night, when I carved forever on your back with my nails hoping nothing would tear us apart.
-Kbeautifulmind