Love and relationships are like a race. We train so hard, sometimes we fall, we give it our all, and we build them up to where we want them to be. After all the hard work some of us win the golden metal and the hard work pays off, and sometimes someone else gets the metal and your hard work becomes someone else’s victory. Sometimes that’s what makes us build that grudge because it’s a bit unfair that someone else gets the metal, but we shouldn’t allow it to make us bitter.
Why?
Because no matter what happened we learned and therefore we also win and even though it seems like it, our hard work wasn’t unnoticed and someday our metal will be even better then any of the metals we didn’t get.”
-Kbeautifulmind
“He called her narrow minded because she stood her ground and didn’t allow his believes and actions change her views on what she felt she deserved”-kbeautifulmind
It’s hard to let you go, because that means things will change.
But, I had to accept that we weren’t great, we were great at one point, but, we weren’t great anymore.
We tried, or I tried, but this isn’t our journey anymore, it’s my journey.
Kbeautifulmind
There is no “I” in TEAM.
I had to come out side to take a breather, things are so screwed up I can’t believe it.
So much screaming, so much fighting makes me feel like happiness is something…
sigh…
seems like we just won’t achieve it…
Everyone seems to blame the feeder, I’m selfish they say but they don’t see it.
To me they are just running away, to them they just can’t take it momentarily.
What is that you ask?
It’s my selfishness.
If they could only see, how hard this is for me.
I’m not selfish, I just have a memory disorder and some sort of attention span developing because of all that is being put on me.
It feels like my brain is going at full speed, day by day, as it thinks everything through, and tries to figure everything out that I have to do.
I forget everything now in days, my planner gets it all even a reminder that asks “Have you even ate at all?”
The only selfish act I have going on is getting educated, because like the rest of you I feel that I deserve it.
I don’t want to let the hard times stop me from having a good future.
From having my OWN future, something to show for MY SELF.
And then you come along and say you have felt un attended for over two years?
Well how about not being able to breath since I got the news.
How do you think this feels? Watching the mom that raised you, the only parent that took care of you, slowly washing away in front of you!
Two years of hell all the doctors and nurses saying things I just couldn’t bare.
I’m surprised I didn’t loose my mind and then she died only to leave me here to find, find away to figure things out, to push my grieving aside and get it all worked out.
I didn’t get a break I had to move on and play the game.
Play the game of life, find a way for all of us to survive.
But your overwhelmed, you feel at the bottom of the barel?
I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it, and understand how?
Not once did I say step up to the plate, I never said it was YOU that had to take her place.
As people asked us if you were?
I’d respond and say “What? no! I got this on my own, he doesn’t have to…”
Because I do. I was raised by a warrior who told me, and prepared me for what I had to do.
Yes it was easier said then done but I’m doing it.
I never asked you to feed us, to take care of us, to do anything for us because I got us.
And not just us as in them and I but US as in you and I too! Yes you were a bit more attentive to me then I was with you but look at what I was living? Of course more then ever, I needed you.
But that doesn’t mean I was gone, a couple of slips, a couple of cold sholders, but I was still hanging on.
There by your side trying my best to give you my all.
My ALL that now had to be split into 8 slices of “Kelsey”
As the oldest I have to take care of three and adding my niece I was at four
Then came two jobs making it six
And don’t forget school
And you
It became eight, eight is a lot can’t you see?
But I didn’t give up, I didn’t run off, I took it all in and said I got it all!
So yes sometimes you were going to come last but sometimes you came first and they came last.
There had to be a rotation can’t you see, and yes in the end there was only one person that worried about me.
You worried about me, but that wasn’t my selfishness it was your caring heart and the love you had for me. It’s just what humans do when they care, because when your alone it’s “I” and when your with someone it’s “them”.
Sometimes it will feel like it’s more about “them” then “you” but someday you will need “them” more then ever too.
When you do, there “they” will be, because there is no “I” in TEAM.
Wishing you the best, thank you for everything you did for me…
and us;
Kbeautifulmind
November is…
November is Lung Cancer Awarness month.
No, it’s not pink or sexy. It doesn’t involve boobs or football players, cute t-shirts or catch phrases, and definetly doesn’t sell millions of dollars of merchandise with it’s propaganda.
It’s about being grateful that you or your loved ones can breathe with out a struggle.
It’s about knowing you don’t need to go to chemotherapy once a week, followed my radiation on the same week knowing that this “might” only prolong your life by a couple of months.
It’s about not having to live like you are dying, for a lung cancer victim knows there is nothing that can kill this disease in their body.
It’s about being thankful that you can do almost ANYTHING you want because you don’t have to take things slow since just a couple of steps don’t make you short of breath.
It’s about being able to enhale and exhale without feeling all this liquid in your lungs choking you up.
It’s about appreciating the fact that you can sleep peacefully without fearing that you might not wake up the next morning.
It’s about being grateful that you do not have the number one killing cancer with in women and men today.
It’s about knowing that you are not a victim of this killer disease with only a 40% chance of living up to four years after being diagnosed.
It’s about being aware of how serious this disease is in our society today.
Because…
November is Lung Cancer Awarness Month.
In loving Memory of…
Maricela Arellano Lopez
07/12/1967- 04/22/2014
I miss you momma,
Kbeautifulmind
Como me dueles Mexico
The increasing level of corruption, injustice and violence that Mexico has reached seems to not have an end. It’s so frustrating and sad to see such a wonderful country be under the control of such ignorant, stupid and corrupt politicians who do not care about the people of their country. I was not born in Mexico but the blood of my mother, grandparents and grate grandparents runs thick through my body and out of my two halves it’s the side that defines me. I want a better Mexico for my people, for the women and men who represent my culture and my family, for my grandma who is still there and alive, for my 13 aunts and uncles who are still there, and my 92 cousins and their kids as they deserve a better future.
This world needs to stop! Why must we continue to torture each other?
We must stop destroying each other the way we do. For we are all human not one better then the other. Humans who will all turn into dust when we finally go. Why do some of us act like the gold we own is what we are made of? Like we are untouchable and indistructable?
Frustrated Mexican;
Kbeautifulmind
#mexico43
Breathe…
I never knew the importance of character behind a person till I experienced a couple of dissapointments, realize some mistakes I made, lost a couple of valuable people, was unappreciated by others and over all just grew up.
I mean how many of you actually do? Honestly.
What is usually the first thing you look for in a significant other?
For example when your eyes are wondering and honestly looking to be attracted?
It usually sounds something like this…
“He has to have…. a nice body, a cute smile, he has to be funny…”
or…
“She has to be in great shape, has to have a cute smile, boobs/ass is a plus and must have a great personality”
I mean honestly you don’t look at the average girl/guy at the club or the coffee shop and think holly cow check him/her out. You don’t look deep into their souls and wonder what struggles they could be dealing with. Some people do but for the most part society has made us look for the Brad Pitt or Beyonce look alike…
That invisible person that almost never exists…
Either way, our first glance at someone usually makes us react like this…
“DAM! Did you see her?”
“Holly cow! He is so cute!”
Sometimes leaving us almost breathless from their physic without knowing what’s underneath.
You don’t know the person, their personality, their abilities, their mind set, their way of thinking or their heart…
You usually don’t learn about that till a while after and the issue sometimes is that hearts change, people change and the way people think changes too…
So how could you deal with so much change of persona or character?
If your at my level yet, you’ve now realize what you truly want and what’s important.
Maybe it’s because you’ve had a couple nightmares, or life has really chewed you up and spit you back out.
Whatever it is, you have learned that you no longer look up to short breath taking experiences. You now look into taking someone else’s breath away consecutively as you’re reminding them to breathe. You look for someone that can do the same for you that makes you feel like no matter what your covered.
Why?
Because we need to breathe to live right? Life is going to always be in action ready to surprise you, kick you, chew you and spit you back out.
Life is going to test you, make you happy, make you mad, make you sad, bring you laughter and heart breaks.
And things will always be changing as times flys, you’ll be changing and they will be changing too, but neither of you will ever stop breathing. (at least not until you leave this earth)
And…
As independent as you are, you’ll someday realize you still need someone. We all need someone to have our back, to stick around, and to make you feel the comfort you need so that you can have confidence in also sticking around yourself. Because if not then you find yourself running away in fear leaving your heart behind with them. (and trust me when I say, leaving your heart behind sucks because it’s so hard to find yourself and get it back.)
You’ll realize you need someone to breathe not because you can’t breathe without them but because it’s nice to have them there to remind you to breathe when you seem to forget.
Feeling grateful;
Kbeautifulmind
This one is for the parents of the world and today’s society…
I seriously can say I LOVE LOVE LOVE school this semester, it’s alot of work and all but I really enjoy the classes I have selected to attend. One of my classes has made my feminine side get stronger and has encourage me to continue to follow my dreams with my same goals to make a difference in this world.
These past couple of day’s we been learning about love and abuse. Not just from relationships but abuse from people, normal human beings that mistreat one another in our society. Human beings who teach their children to be homosexual haters, who teach them about sexisum, envy, and verbal and physical brutality.
I believe that some of this isn’t even done intentionally it’s just that some people don’t realize how important it is to change your bad habits and try to be the best role model you can be once you have brought a child into this world.
Therfore…
This one is for the parents of this world…
Please be good to your children, weather you did it the right way and got your life together before them or even if they were unplanned and you need to get it together with them here by your side. Remember that they are the future that could only get better then the times you have lived in, IF you role model for them appropriately. Teach them to love, to respect EVERYONE, and to judge no one, for they are no one to judge or hate others for who they are, who they like or the color of their skin. You want to always rememeber that once you have had children you need to be the very best person you can be, because once they are old enough they have a chance of mirroring you and following your every move. If you dissapoint them they have a high chance of becoming dissapointments.
This one is for the parents of today’s society…
Because the problem isn’t single mothers or young parents it’s the fact that children, not mentally fully developed adults are having children of their own.
The problem is mom’s twerking on line for attention to make some kind of point not seeing that all they are doing is announcing to the world that they have no self respect, showing their children that self respect is not important.
The problem is the parents smoking weed, doing drugs and publisizing it for the world to see on the web. You like your kush? Thats fine I’m pretty sure that 60 percent of California’s community that smoke weed are not all stupid rebellious teens. However why does the whole world have to know? Is it because you think you look cute smoking into the camara? What happens when your child is old enough to know what you are doing in that picture and when he/she tries to do it says “Mommy/Daddy I just wanted to be just like you?”
The problem is not the media, the society, or the life we have lived the problem is that these parents are not allowing themselves to be mentally developed to see the importance and responsibility that comes with having a child because they too are acting like children themselves.
So your young and have a child already, so what??? No one is asking you to hide from the world now and not have a drink once in a while or smoke a blunt or shake your tail feather to the beat of a song but don’t use your youth as an excuse on why your priorities are all mixed up.
The problem is that you NEED to grow up and be responsible for the love you have grown for that child, make them proud because if you don’t do it then who will?
You brought them to this world, therefor their future is partly your responsibility. Think about it? How will you like to see them years from now?
Even a better question…How will you like them to see you?
Everytime you do something ask yourself, would I be okay with MY child doing this? And if your answer is ever “No” then maybe it’s time to start making better choices.
Concerned for the future,
Kbeautifulmind
Your beauty should make you stand up tall, not lie down on your back.
Your a woman with integrity, shining oh so heavenly. Do not forget your worth, remember you can put your own price to it. Quit giving up the cookie to anyone who wants it; if you want to share it, make them work hard to get it. Don’t let their eyes wonder on your physic, make them focus on what’s underneath. Show them who you really are, f**k them with your brain, let them lust for your intelligence. Don’t put him on a high horse, that can back fire making him think he can ride around and see what else is out there. Please don’t stroke his ego, stand your ground, show him he’s the one who needs you. He just might get frustrated and refer to you as greedy, show him it’s okay to be a little selfish and if he really wants it, he’ll know that you’re worthy. For a woman with some class should never give in to temptation until she knows her man will always be respectful. Rememeber you are beautiful, your flaws are what make you flawless. Don’t give into the media, recollect that “ass shots” only get you attention from a dog; someone that will salavate all over you and treat you like a rag doll.
Stop letting today’s society blind you from what’s important, making you miscalculation the true value of your beauty. Your beauty should make you stand up tall, not lie down on your back destroying your merit and preventing you from being a woman with some class.
To all my beautiful ladies;
Kbeautifulmind
Dear God
Dear God,
Her all time favorite color is pink, she wears it with anything. She really loves her soccer, just remember there is no other team like Mexico for her. She love’s roses, those are her favorite flowers. She loves her novelas, I hope you have T.V up there? She needs to have some chocolate at least every once in a while because her sweet tooth is rediculous. I also hope heaven has coconut because she can’t live with out her coconut popsicles. She makes a delicious aros con leche! I wish I would have got that recipe!? She really loves the holidays, every single one! Especially Easter which is probably why she went to heaven around that time… Along with holiday’s comes all her yummy cooking and those delicious Tamales! Just provide her with a big kitchen and she’ll get to it!
She’s a sucker for romance, especially romantic music. She loves Los Rieleros Del Norte, please make sure their songs are always playing. Now that we mentioned playing, do you believe in gaming? She’s obsessed with Candy Crush, you have to let her play it!
She suffered so much pain down here that all she deserves up there is happiness. She always lived with a strong faith in you, I hope you know she never lost it, because she really loves you.
God…
I’m sure you know it has been 6 month’s since you took her from me and I just want to ask that you please make sure she’s happy.
I pray all her worries and pain are gone.
Oh god, I really, really hope she’s happy, because her happiness is the only thing that keeps me sane since missing someone so special can cause you to go insane.
Tell her that I love her so much and that life here is not the same. Ask her if she’s proud of me and if I’m doing things the right way?
Sincerely;
Your broken child, missing her mother.
Kbeautifulmind
Kbeautifulmind 