Category: Inspiration through my personal life

Favorite Garden

image

Today I took a walk in our favorite garden.
First time we discovered this place was as a family.
Second time I came here you asked me to bring you.
We grabbed lunch and spent the evening here just talking, and I almost chocked on my food.
You said, “Dios mio, you can’t die, then I die, then the kids would really be screwed!”
I laughed so hard my rice came out my nose.
I came here today because you been on my mind a lot, I miss you.
Everything is way harder than I thought, and I don’t even know if I’m doing it right?
I have accepted that you’re gone but sometimes I just want to feel you, to know you’re there, one more talk?
and nothing….
It gets very frustrating…
I wish you’d knock something over in the room, or make the lights flicker, something…?
I know wearing your ashes around my neck gives me a piece of mind, but sometimes I just want to feel you, and when I get nothing I begin to feel hopeless as I see no reassurance that you are there.
As I walked today, remembering you laugh, your funny jokes, and how annoyed you’d get when I kiss or hugged you “too much,” I ran into this heart, not sure who took their time to make it, but I think this was the sign I needed.
Glad to know you are still here♡
-Kbeautifulmind

Nothing makes sense…

image

Nothing makes sense sometimes…
“Why do people enter our lives?”
Why do things happen to us?”
I use to sit there and I’ll admit I still do at times and tell god, or who ever is up there that can hear me…
“Have I not been through enough?
I mean we been getting it since I could remember life?
Don’t I get a break?
Is there no happy ending for me? For us?”

But then time gives us the answers we need, and helps us understand why exactly is it that some people don’t stay in your lives, why you went through the life struggles you have been through, why you were given such responsibilities, and even with time as much as you don’t want to accept it, the death of your mother begins to make sense.
It’s all a part of life.
So I keep going because I still believe in happy ever after, in meeting my goals, my dreams, having my own family someday, meeting the one who just knows he wants to love me and only me for the rest of his life as we watch our little stinkers live and BE wonderful from that love we share.
I still believe in people, in their hearts, in their pain, and most of all I still believe in myself.
After everything, I believe in ME, and I know my time is coming, the day I can look up and say…
“This is it! Everything I deserve is right here!”

Remember guys, even when it doesn’t make sense, someday it will!!!

-Kbeautifulmind

Please don’t let me get one of those…

Today I want to talk about cheating.

I know it’s sadly pretty normal now in days in today’s society, but is it really a fairy tale to hope for someone who only has eye’s for you?

image

I went to my first Dodger game of the season, since I’m finally out of school for the summer and I LOVE my boys in blue.

image

While enjoying my Friday night, I experienced a very awkward situation. I had experienced stuff like this before, however sitting there for three hours feeling WEIRD, really pissed me off.

And all I could think was… “Lord, all I ask is that you please don’t let me get one of those.”

Anyway, to my story…

So I’m sitting their watching the Game with my brother and this man keeps looking at me. Not looking at me like I look familiar, or like there is something on my face. Looking at me, like in his mind he was un dressing me with his eyes, and he was imagining exactly what he could do with me if he had the chance. I discreetly watched him as he’d check out the tits on another girl, the ass and hips on another one. But since I was in the row in front of him and his FAMILY to the side, he’d watch the game, look over at me, and smile.

Now his family was pretty big, he had three boys and a beautiful little girl about age five. His wife was very pretty, but insecurity and discomfort bleed through her pours.
I could tell just by analyzing them, he was a cheater and she dealt with it.
She looked over at me a couple of times as she watched him look, and would just look down on her phone.
I paid no attention to him, never once gave him the attention he was looking for, and one time I even gave him a dirty look.
Because he was dirty to me, and it was very upsetting to see how he was acting.

I wanted to tell him something so bad!
I wanted to tell her, “You are SO BEAUTIFUL, why do you allow this?”

But all I could do was pray, and in that moment I said to god.
“Look god, I KNOW cheating is pretty normal nowindays, and MAYBE we humans were not meant to be tied down to one person since we seem to get bored easily, BUT some of us really do desire a healthy marriage and a team mate who only has eye’s for us. Now I know to an extent it’s normal to look, we all do it BUT please, please god, if marriage is in my destiny, don’t let me get one of those.”

What scares me and makes me want to shut down is that I see it all the time…

On Facebook I have friend’s who shout out their men with statuses like “You are the best husband I could ever ask for.”
Yet we know he sleeps around.

On instagram woman quote to be so happy with their men…
Yet he is sending private messages to us single girls, and has no pictures of her on his IG.

Of course in part, those single girls who go along with it are JUST as wrong, but in the end it’s no one’s fault that his eyes are wondering and his mind wants to act on it.

Love is one of the scariest things in the world.
I use to love the idea of falling in love so much, and the thought of meeting the one would make me so happy.

If I’m being honest, now it scares the crap out of me.

I no longer desire marriage and kids as much as I use to.

-Kbeautifulmind

💜

image

…and it was in that moment, as she sat underneath that beautiful tree that she felt true peace and  happiness in her heart. It was the breeze of the wind in her hair, and the the way the sun peeked through the beautiful flowers and touched her skin, that made her see that she will never be alone.
For her angel will always be there with her, right by her side.
-Kbeautifulmind

The death of a loved one

image

The death of a loved on can be so hard to bare.
A pain so sharp, it’s one of the worst ever felt.
We know we are not all here forever, yet we don’t expect death to hit home what so ever.
Losing a parent feels like the end of this world.
Especially when you were gifted with only one instead of two.
Mothers are some of the most special gems in this world, for the love of a mother will always be true.
Mothers are faithful companions and lovers, even in the most difficult times on this earth.
Mothers make a dedication of love to their children, and they spend their whole lives providing us with that love and support.
A mother’s love is irreplaceable, which makes losing her to death incredibly painful.
As the children of an incredible woman, we will forever have an ache where we once felt warmth and protection.
Unfortunately there is no way we can bring her back, so we think of her in the day, talk to her at night, and cry for her during rough times.
We know she’s still here, and we know what she wants.
She hopes we find peace, happiness, and eternal love.
Therefor in her honor, we hide all our tears and put on a smile, because with in us a piece of her is still here.

Happy Mother’s day in Heaven Mommy♡

-Kbeautifulmind

“Forever be what I need myself to be”

I’ll forever be what I need myself to be, and nobodies stopping me.
For no words, thoughts, or actions from those who spread poison can affect me.
You see, I’m not your ordinary woman.
My heart grew more intact as the result of my battles.
I some how survived and became immune to all the struggles.
And yes the tears will still appear at times, but don’t let that be a sign of weakness, it only shows I still got feelings.
Being able to feel in a life as hard as this one is a blessing as well as a choice.
For I have chose to take my struggles and let them build me, instead of break me.

-Kbeautifulmind