Category: Inspiration through my personal life

“You make me better”

The other day I had a conversation with a friend, and she was sharing something with me. In the convo she stated that her significant other had once told her…

“I love you, because you make me a better person.”

So after we hung up, I got to thinking and I went back in time for a bit.
I thought of the two serious relationships I’ve had, the little ones I’ve had and even back to my first boyfriend I ever had.
I thought of them all… one by one.
I found myself wondering if they ever made me better?
or
If I ever made them better?

Of course the first boyfriend and little relationships before my junior year were more of a… joke?
I don’t know if that’s the proper word? (I don’t want to sound mean)
But, they weren’t serious at all, we were kids, or they weren’t long enough to be anything.

However, I did think of one person I dated or “talked” to in H.S, and I can definetly say he made me “better” or had a positive impact in my life.
He was a Senior and I was a freshmen, and he had it all together. He knew what he wanted out of life, and just what he had to do to accomplish his goals.
He was an athlete and very involved in other school activities.
Even though our relationship only grew into a friendship, I continued to learn a lot from him.
I can honestly say that after him…
I began to really jot down my career ideas, what I wanted out of life, and how I was going to accomplish it all.
and till this day…
We are actually still friends, we always check up on each other, and he is currently attending Medical School.
He has always been a true inspiration.

However, I couldn’t get myself to find an exact thing that made me better while I was in any of my relationships…
and I honestly don’t think I ever told any one  “You make me a better person.”

But I knew that it didn’t mean they didn’t, I spend a long time in two serious relationships so there was something that definetly kept me there.

The first serious one will always be the most caring, and sweetest relationship.
He was my highschool sweetheart.
And even though I always wanted more “us” and less “us and friends…”

He was honest, loving, and truly loved me unconditionally.
We were just on different roads for the future, and different ideas on what we wanted.
I guess you can say our maturity levels drove us apart.

After it ended…
I could probably say he made me caring, and if I took anything from this…
would be that he made me know exactly HOW I want to be loved and how I DESERVE to be loved.
The love was true and pure.
We were just kids, but I know it was real.
and I rememeber him saying…
“Someday you’ll KNOW my love was true.”
and that someday definetly came.

The second one, well…

It helped me find my cultural identity.
One good thing is that, I learned how to love my roots and to really enjoy where I come from.
We shared the same religious believes, he turned up the Spanish music when it was on the radio, our conversations were never boring, and we had a lot of similarities…
It felt like “home.”
But the lies ruined it.

After it ended…
I call this one “The best thing I never had.”
It made me realize how important my independence was to me, and it taught me what I don’t want in a relationship. It opened my eyes to see how important honesty is to me, as well as team work.
It also made me realize that in my hectic life, there was no room for weakness, insecurities, and fear.

The two lovers were very different, but together they did make me better. Through the good and all of the bad…
Thanks to them I learned exactly what I want in a romantic relationship, and even though one had more good than the other they both taught me a lot.

My next question was, did I make them better?

Well, it wouldn’t be fair to sit here and be conceded and say that I did…

“I’m the best thing you ever had!!”
Lmfao Just kidding!

But I do rememeber being told that I did, and remembering that was very pleasing.
I remembered all the times I shared with both of them and how I encouraged them to never give up on their education, to strive for more, to be positive, etc.
I rememeber the first guy wrote an essay for school about me and how much of a positive impact I had in his life.
(I still have it, in my “Highschool Memory Box”)
He laminated it and gave it to me.

The second guy said it a couple times, but then again when it ends so bad you can’t help but wonder what was true and what was a lie?
But with this guy, I know I did a lot for him, because I might have tried a little harder. I learned from my first relationship that I use to give up to easily.

Anyway, after that conversation and thinking back to my previous relationships…
I realized something…

I realized how important it is to be with someone that makes you better.

I think as people we tend to get mesmerized by the “potential” or “idea” of the person.
I think, we forget that the bonding of two people isn’t all about the looks, or the “spark” you felt when you first looked into their eyes.
The bond of you and someone else should make you a better man/woman, than you already were when you were with out them.

He/she should naturally motivate you to succeed, and accomplish your goals and dreams; instead of holding you back.

He/she should be willing to be a part of a team with you, so that you guys can build a strong empire… TOGETHER.

He/she should make you feel lo

ved, appreciated, and comfortable in your own skin.

and…

He/she should respect your own identity. He/she should know that you two won’t always agree on everything, and might have a lot of differences. However, they should respect it, and appreciate it.

He/she should make you want to tell them…
“You make me a better person.”
-Kbeautifulmind

I

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To be able to write about the pain, is more than others can do.

Most people can’t ever speak of it, or face it again.

They lose touch, or emotion towards what happened.

They grow silent, bitter, angry…

and no one can seem to understand why?

They bury it.

To write of the pain, and speak of the hate you feel…

It’s brave…

and a *privilege not many are blessed with.

-Kbeautifulmind

Two types of Women

There is two different types of women.
Dependent women:
They follow you.
They have nothing going for themselves.
and they are okay with that.
You are their world, your happiness is their only priority.
They wait for you to make it.
They encourage you to succeed and cheer you on, but from the stands.
and… If you ever leave them…
Half of them goes with you.

Independent women:
They can’t afford to follow you.
They love you and support you, but we want to be on the field with you.
They want to be a part of a team.
If you’re scoring, she’s scoring with you, before you, or right after you.
They refuse to stay behind.
They keep up.
They want a name for themselves.
Success is too important to them.
They want to be someone other than “Your girl” or “Your wife”
They want to shine with you.
and… If you ever leave them.
They move forward.

and only certain men, can handle either or.
-Kbeautifulmind

The story behind my concert binging…

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On a night where my mom and I were both sooo tired but couldn’t sleep…
She stated…

Mom: “What a long day huh? Radiation, chemo, blood tests, and two doctor appointments…

Me:” Yeah…” (I couldn’t sit there and say I was exhausted, when she was the one going through it. I just went with her… but she was right, I was tired too.)

Mom: “I can’t believe I’m really dying… all the things I didn’t get to do… vale madre…”

We had just found out my mom’s cancer was moving rapidly and it had now taken over half of her spine, and most of her hip…
She had been in some serious pain!!!

With tears in my eyes but trying to hold them in I said…

Me: “What would you have done more of mom?”

Mom: “Pues empezando… viajar mas… pero también… eir a muchos conciertos (I would have gone to a lot of concerts) no hay mejor médicina que la música!(there is no better medicine like music)

y en vivo? Uuuyyy, olvidalo! (And live music!? Ffeeewww, forget it! It’s amazing!)

I couldn’t help but smile because my mom new that I LOVE music, and to dance.
Even though I knew she loved music too, she was more quite and reserved so the image of her at a concert made me smile because she had always been more of a home body.

Me: “Well, I wanted to make it before you left us someday. But I promise you, that I will travel for you and you won’t have to ask me twice to go to a concert.”

Mom: “Eres bien alegre… (you are always so happy) You got that from me, because your dad was always an “amargado” but before I “worked to die” I was JUST like you!

Since my mom has passed I been to over 10 concerts…
No money to travel much yet but I’ve been on a plane 3 times…

A year and a half later… and for the rest of my life…
not only am I living for ME but I’m living for her…

-Kbeautifulmind

Application for my final lover

I love myself a handsome, clean cut man with a heart warming smile… (smiles are my weakness)

But that doesn’t mean much anymore…
It’s about being a spiritually and emotionally healthy person.

I don’t want a super model, or a dude who has over 100 followers.
I don’t care if you won the lotto, drive a Mercedes-Benz, or can buy me anything I desire.
Looks and money don’t matter.
Appearance is nice, but the real question is; Are you humorous?
How’s your confidence? Your mental health? Have you let the past rest yet? How’s your conversation? How open are you to learning new things?
What about trying new things?
Are you loving? Do you think honesty is one of the most important ingredient for a relationship?
Do you know how to play/work in a team?
Are you forgiving or do you hold grudges? Will you swallow your pride and apologize when you’re wrong?
How important is family to you? Do you believe unity is important in a family?
Will you be nurturing and loving to your children? And if you’re not affectionate, will you at least accept affection?
How important are promises to you? Do you easily break them?
Do you believe in marriage? And if so do you believe in divorce? Do you believe in “until death do us part” or will you give up when it gets hard?
Basically what I’m asking is…
When our marriage dies (because it will a couple of times) will you be willing to work with me to bring it back?
How well do you deal with stress? Do you run for the hills or stick it through till it’s resolved?
Do hard times break you or do they motivate you?

Last but not least are you emotionally and spiritually healthy?
Do you believe in yourself, do you love yourself?

I’ll be first to say I love myself a clean cut handsome man with a heart warming smile but if you’re not a healthy human being please discard this application.

Thank you,
Kbeautifulmind

Deja vu nightmares

She walked out the door, unsure if her body was tagging along.
She didn’t understand why any of it was happening.
It felt like a dream, a nightmare she wanted to wake up from.
Nothing made sense, how could this make sense?
With frustration she whispered…

“Cancer? Why the fuck would she deserve that?”

Nothing made sense…
She took a deep breath and then she looked up to the sky and said…

“Take anything away from me, take it all if you will; but please… please, let me keep her, let her win this fight.”

And then she woke up, only to remember she was already gone.
-Kbeautifulmind

Yet, another question…

“How do you still believe in love?”

I still believe in love because its one of the best things we can feel on this earth. I’ve known what it’s like to value someone else’s happiness above my own and its amazing.
I’ve known how it is to feel unstoppable when you hold someone’s hand and I want to feel that again.
I like to be fascinated by every single thing about somebody else and never get bored, even if it would be boring to everyone else.
I like the feeling of love that makes you feel real.
I like that someone can tear down my walls and see me for me.
I don’t mind if it’s not perfect, I’m willing to fight to make it better.
I still believe in love because I absolutely love the challenge.
It’s an addicting high that I’m willing to feel again and again till it becomes permanent.

-Kbeautifulmind

If I could…

If I could go back in time, I’d tell you No.
I’d tell you, I am too young.
I’d tell you, your children are horrible, ungrateful kids, and they don’t deserve me to sacrifice my time and life to take care of them.
I’d tell you, I’m tired.
I’d tell you, I feel stuck, like there is no way out of this hell.
I’d tell you, I feel alone.
I’d tell you, I’m sorry but I can’t make you this promise.
I’d tell you, I’m sorry but this is not the life I want to live.
I’d tell you to find someone else.
-Kbeautifulmind