Through her

“I don’t miss you”

He told her…

She truly didn’t care but she listened.

“Because I knew that was it. So instead countless amount of times I make love to you through her, I hug you through her, I kiss you through her, I picture your face on hers, I treat her like I should have treated you. I knew that was it, so I’m with you through her.”
He shamelessly told her…

In that moment she knew that his memory of her will forever remain and he’d continue to love her through HER.



It’s Friday night and well most of my friend’s are in some kind of relationship, so if they are with their significant others I pretty much have nothing to do… lol.

There for I’m sitting on my little red couch, watching “The Fault in our Stars” knowing I’m going to cry but eeeehhh what the hell right?


As I sit here and watch this movie with that sappy feeling in my body because of such cute romance between these two young kids who through cancer have learned to live and enjoy every minute of life even if they are not always happy or even if it is not always easy.
I began to think about the first time I fell in love, and the second time I fell in love and all the beautiful moments and promises made and I can’t help but smile at the memories.

I think about love and I can’t help but wonder…

“If love works the way they say it does and we all get a soul mate and our other half’s are out there somewhere, then it actually must be worth it in the end, right?”

What exactly?

Well the pain, if pain is meant to be felt then it has to be worth something right?
Pain, according to the dictionary…
physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury.
“she’s in great pain”
synonyms: suffering, agony, torture, torment, discomfort More
ache, aching, soreness, throb, throbbing, sting, stinging, twinge, shooting pain, stab, pang, cramps;
discomfort, irritation, tenderness
mental suffering or distress.
“the pain of loss”
synonyms: sorrow, grief, heartache, heartbreak, sadness, unhappiness, distress, desolation, misery, wretchedness, despair; More
an annoying or tedious person or thing.
noun: pain in the neck; plural noun: pains in the neck
“she’s a pain”
careful effort; great care or trouble.
“she took pains to see that everyone ate well”
synonyms: care, effort, bother, trouble
“he took great pains to hide his feelings”
verb: pain; 3rd person present: pains; past tense: pained; past participle: pained; gerund or present participle: paining
cause mental or physical pain to.
“it pains me to say this”
synonyms: hurt, cause pain, be painful, be sore, be tender, ache, throb, sting, twinge, cause discomfort; More

So that is pain, it’s something that just hurts weather it’s physical, emotional, or just plain makes no sense and you don’t know where it’s coming from it’s just something that hurts but we all have to try and learn to live with it.

So let me ask you again…
If pain is meant to be felt with the chance that something beautiful will come out of it in the end or at the chance you took to experience something beautiful that brought you pain later then it just HAS to be worth it, right?

Well of course it is…
I say it is!

I mean I’m just a twenty-four year old gal who sits at home on her red couch on a Friday night watching sappy movies that she knows are going to make her cry a waterfall…

But I am also a gal that has been through alot and as a personal victim of a cancer scare myself and someone who lived a hard childhood with bull shit after bull shit and then lost her Best Friend to Cancer it’s self…

I say the pain is totally worth it!
I say that who cares if your heart gets broken again and again and again, and yes death might take some people before you and make you experience the worst pain of them all, and yes other life situations might even add more to the pain but it’s totally worth it.

It’s worth the memories, it’s worth the laughs, it’s worth the meaningful hugs, the long lasting kisses, it’s worth the moments that feel like the whole world has stopped in that moment of happiness, its worth the beautiful pictures we take of all these moments and it’s definitely worth that moment when love takes over your body and soul and gives you those butterflies that make the pain of life go away, even if it’s not forever.

Pain is meant to be felt, and you sadly don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but in the end it’s truly worth it.
It’s painful but worthy because it was the end of something that was once so beautiful and meaningful to YOU.



It had been a couple of years since he last saw her.
He remembers being mad at her, because she broke him, she gave up on them after she had promised she never would.
Some how that smile still made him nervous.
It had been a couple of years since she last saw him.
She remembers he was angry, how could he say such mean things to someone he claimed to love so much?
She knows she was wrong, she freaked out and gave up, but she couldn’t take it back because he was moved on.
Yet he looked so beautiful, and she knew she’d always miss him.

Years later there they were…

It was like the world stopped in it’s tracks and no one else existed…
There he was and there she was only the window of the car, a grudge he still held, the pain that still stung in her heart and the street in between them.

But some how it was a beautiful encounter, because it showed in their faces, their eyes, and both of their expressions that after all these years something was still felt.