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Hello Dear WordPress Followers,

I’d to take this moment to thank you all for reading my work, for being fans of what I write and believe in since I created my blog.

I’d also like to address that I’m working on writing more this year, expanding my words to touch more lives, and to share that I have some new and fun exciting project ideas on the way!

I’ve decided to create a “Professional Instagram” page, were I’d like to expose my poetry, quotes, short stories, advise through my knowledge, and display my soon to come videos or audio recordings!

I hope you all will follow and join me in this exciting journey!

Instagram: Kbeautifulmind__ (those are two _ _ )

Thanks y’all! I’m excited!

XO,

Kbeautifulmind

It’s about…

It’s about what you do to live; to feel alive and actually be present. It’s about making life beautiful for others, and touching lives with your kindness and love.
It’s about unity, humbling down and understanding that you might not be able to walk in someone’s path but, you can give them a pair of shoes to make that walk easier.
It’s about giving those in need the clothes that was once on your back, sharing the bread the lord has blessed you with, or simply being a helping hand.
It’s about seeing that every time we unite, the universe changes; every time we reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes.
It’s about kindness, because with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, you are truly living and not just existing.

-Kbeautifulmind

Good love

At the end of the day all we want is good love.

A love so charismatic, that it throws you off guard because you can’t even explain the feelings you are getting.

A love connection so pure, that just being in the presence of the person you feel at home.

A love so unique, that nothing or anyone could distract the value this person holds in your life.

A love so deep, that the cells in your body recognize the touch, voice, and smell of the person and you can’t seem to get your excited body, mind, and soul to simmer down.

A love bond so strong, that anything life throws at you…

ANYTHING,

feels so little,

and so meaningless.

Because this person, this unique soul…

this good love is so deep, that it’s absolutely irreplaceable.

-Kbeautifulmind

 

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(My mom’s last Christmas 2013)

Death is such a difficult thing to deal with in this life.
It’s not the ones who go that need prayer, it’s the ones who stay.
There is nothing worse than having so many good memories with someone and realizing you won’t be able to make anymore together.
No matter how much time passes, you miss them even more.
They say time heals all and it does heal most temporary pains but, death just isn’t one of them.
Even in many years from now when it will be the 10th Christmas without her instead of the 2nd…
Even after multiple holidays, birthdays, special occasions, and many single moments of excitement…
No matter how much time passes,
it will always feel like the bandaid covering the wound was ripped right off making you bleed again.
I guess you never actually stop grieving, you just learn to accept and deal with it.
-Kbeautifulmind

Why must I hide

Why must I hide what I have been through, just to protect your image for those who care about you.
Why can’t I share with the world what I’m feeling inside, without a care in the world of what you’ll look like.
Why are they offended by what I have said, if I speak the truth of what has happened.
When did I become the bad guy after all of this?
Can’t they see how much I loved you and how deep is my agony?
Why can’t they understand me as humans?
Can’t they see how broken I am and what you’ve done is unfair?
You do this with out feeling any guilt, make them fall madly in love, using them for your needs till you get bored and move on.
Tell them the truth, since you claim to be such a good man, tell them all the hurt you caused me before the very end.
Tell them how I covered it and was force to put on a smile like there was no pain.
Tell them what I wrote was what you deserved and no less.
Why must I hide to protect your image?
Why can’t you tell them exactly what happened.

-kbeautifulmind

Stand by your people…

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Stand by your people and we will succeed.
Know that all of our hearts move to the same beat.
Stop with the names, the descriptions, and the identity tags.
Know that we all are made of the same atoms and body fats.
Stand by your people and we will succeed.
Don’t let those in power take over and defeat our communities.
Don’t let them divide us and make us fight, as they watch in laughter and enjoy the motion picture they’ve created with us.
Stand by your people and we will succeed.
Remember we all come from the same theory of our origins, one’s we can not escape no matter how hard we try to deny.
We are all made of the same formulas and no matter our skin color, sex, or ethnicity we are one.
Stand by your people and we will succeed.
Because we are all woman, men, daughters, sons, fathers, mothers and beautiful souls of the human race.
People who can unite and shatter their greed, as we destroy the xenophobia and racism we continue to practice in today’s society.
Stand by your people and we will succeed.
For we should all be reminded that we are all African, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, Caucasian and deserve the same rights.
Stand by your people and realize that catagorizing each other is the only obsticle stopping us from success and defeat.

In honor of Black History Month and in Celebration of all the beautiful people of our society,
-Kbeautifulmind

This one is for the parents of the world and today’s society…

I seriously can say I LOVE LOVE LOVE school this semester, it’s alot of work and all but I really enjoy the classes I have selected to attend. One of my classes has made my feminine side get stronger and has encourage me to continue to follow my dreams with my same goals to make a difference in this world.
These past couple of day’s we been learning about love and abuse. Not just from relationships but abuse from people, normal human beings that mistreat one another in our society. Human beings who teach their children to be homosexual haters, who teach them about sexisum, envy, and verbal and physical brutality.
I believe that some of this isn’t even done intentionally it’s just that some people don’t realize how important it is to change your bad habits and try to be the best role model you can be once you have brought a child into this world.
Therfore…

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This one is for the parents of this world…
Please be good to your children, weather you did it the right way and got your life together before them or even if they were unplanned and you need to get it together with them here by your side. Remember that they are the future that could only get better then the times you have lived in, IF you role model for them appropriately. Teach them to love, to respect EVERYONE, and to judge no one, for they are no one to judge or hate others for who they are, who they like or the color of their skin. You want to always rememeber that once you have had children you need to be the very best person you can be, because once they are old enough they have a chance of mirroring you and following your every move. If you dissapoint them they have a high chance of becoming dissapointments.

This one is for the parents of today’s society…
Because the problem isn’t single mothers or young parents it’s the fact that children, not mentally fully developed adults are having children of their own.
The problem is mom’s twerking on line for attention to make some kind of point not seeing that all they are doing is announcing to the world that they have no self respect, showing their children that self respect is not important.
The problem is the parents smoking weed, doing drugs and publisizing it for the world to see on the web. You like your kush? Thats fine I’m pretty sure that 60 percent of California’s community that smoke weed are not all stupid rebellious teens. However why does the whole world have to know? Is it because you think you look cute smoking into the camara? What happens when your child is old enough to know what you are doing in that picture and when he/she tries to do it says “Mommy/Daddy I just wanted to be just like you?”
The problem is not the media, the society, or the life we have lived the problem is that these parents are not allowing themselves to be mentally developed to see the importance and responsibility that comes with having a child because they too are acting like children themselves.
So your young and have a child already, so what??? No one is asking you to hide from the world now and not have a drink once in a while or smoke a blunt or shake your tail feather to the beat of a song but don’t use your youth as an excuse on why your priorities are all mixed up.
The problem is that you NEED to grow up and be responsible for the love you have grown for that child, make them proud because if you don’t do it then who will?
You brought them to this world, therefor their future is partly your responsibility. Think about it? How will you like to see them years from now?
Even a better question…How will you like them to see you?
Everytime you do something ask yourself, would I be okay with MY child doing this? And if your answer is ever “No” then maybe it’s time to start making better choices.

Concerned for the future,
Kbeautifulmind

The story of Ali Black…

I while back ago I found interest in learning about the stories of other’s and how Cancer has taken a tole in their lives.
From what I was experiencing I came up with this idea one late night as I laid my head to rest next to my mom who was in so much pain thinking to my self how exhausting this whole cancer thing is! I began to wonder how others delt with it and if they experience around the same anxiety and freak out moments as we did?
So I took my idea and decided to try and find out what people felt and how this took a twist in their lives.
My mom passed away about a month and a half ago and the truth Cancer has been the one word I do not want to hear. However I did ask for stories as I tried to learn about the experience of others and the chance to share the stories of those that cared to share them with me.
As poisonous as Social Media can be and all technology as it is, it can also be very helpful to have for the use of spreading word and networking.
If it was not for Instagram I wouldn’t be able to share this post and story with you guys, and as much as we ALL hate cancer and what harm it has done in some of our lives, it is also a diseased that has change the lives of many making them appreciate life more as well as making it an interesting learned experience.
And if they are lucky enough to defeat it… it makes it all a very powerful accomplishment.
So here is the story of Ali Black and how Cancer came knocking on her door…
Enjoy!

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Patient: Black, Ali
Female, 31; no kids; not married
Diagnosed with a rare acute Leukemia (Blastic Plasmacytoid Dendritic Cell Neoplasm (BPDCN))

“I was first diagnosed on Sept 13, 2013 with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, just 15 days before my 31st birthday.  The problem was that the pathology reports read inclusive with words like probable and suggestive that the oncologist who saw the reports referred me to a Lymphoma specialist.  Let me begin by saying that I never suspected ME of having cancer.  In fact, I believed that I was having some type of health-skin issues that were related to an allergic reaction.  After all, I ran 20 miles a week, I juiced three times a day filling 20-32oz jugs, alkaline water, and drank herbal teas.  This all had to be a skin disorder, I believed.  I initially went to my family doctor who referred me to a dermatologist.  I slowly began to develop other symptoms that I thought were unrelated until I spoke to my family physician, who suspected that my symptoms were related to an autoimmune disease, probably Sarcoidosis.  However, she asked me to get a skin biopsy to be sure. After all, my initial symptoms presented itself on the skin.  It resembled a hive rash.  I was treated with prednisone until I had the dermatological biopsy.

When I eventually saw the dermatologist and told her my symptoms, which by that time had grown progressively worse as the skin lesions subsided, all but one on my elbow, she too suspected that I presented symptoms of Sarcoidosis. However, in order to be sure, once again, she performed the biopsy and asked us to await the results, which would take at least 10 days.  Mind you, some of the symptoms that were occurring for both physicians to assume that this was evidence of an autoimmune disease was my difficulty breathing after running/walking, abdominal pain, severe joint pain, and the inevitable skin rash. Eventually, when the pathology reports returned on September 13, 2013, it read that it was malignant cancerous tissue of B-Cells, Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

I remember that morning, prior riding to the dermatologist office, feeling incredibly weird, like my life would change through these results.  Although at this time, I was convinced that what I was experiencing was an autoimmune disease and nothing more, I began thinking about my future. I was a graduate student without any kids and not married. What would this mean about my living arrangements, even reproducing children? Could I have a child/ren living on prednisone (steriods) for the rest of my life? Mood swings were a detrimental side effect of this drug and hypertension was inevitable, along with weight gain, fatigue, the onset of occasional joint pains without warning.  I just kept thinking that the pathology reports would read this expecting me to know what to do for the rest of my life.  Tears overwhelmed my face in the waiting room, not knowing that there could be anything worst than what I was about to hear. I wondered in that moment if I could make it through this? Would kind of future would I have living with something that was as unpredictable as this disease? My old trusty handy iPhone could surely answer this question by seeing if anyone in the past ten years has died from this disease. As I read on, I came to learn that morning that Bernie Mack suffered from Sarc and met his untimely death with complications of pneumonia because of this autoimmune disease.  I began whimpering tears on my mother’s shoulder, who had been there for every appointment since I got sick.  I was surely expected to hear detrimental news.

“Ms. Black?” The nurse practioner called me back into the exam room.  She asked, “Are you ok?” after handing me a tissue.  I said, ”yep, just waiting to hear these results.” She patted me on the shoulder and said, “it will ok. The doctor will see you in a bit and she will talk to you about it.”  After ten minutes, in walks the dermatologist with only the most pleasant smile. She tapped me on my knee and touched my mother on her shoulder, and asked, “how are you ladies doing this morning? I hope that your wait wasn’t long?”  I answered, “no, just anxious about these results, which I already know that it is Sarc.” She said, “well, I was going to call you last night about that as soon I got them.” Instantly, my eyes met my mother’s wondering, “why would she need to call us?” “The results,” she said, “as I said came in last night and I wanted to tell you right away, but decided to wait until I saw you today.”  “ummmmm ok!” I thought.  I continued thinking, “isn’t it just Sarc?” now undermining my thoughts from the past few weeks.  “Of course, I would have to eat differently and live differently, but it is just Sarc. I braced myself for this news all week. Didn’t I?” my thoughts began flooding.

My dermatologist asked if she could begin reading the results, and as anxious as I was, I said, “please!” “Well,” she said, “the results read that the tissue sample that was biopsy ruled out Sarcoidosis, but that the tissue showed malignant aggressive B-Cells suggestive of Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”  She looked up after reading the pathology report, and looked at me, and asked, “Do you know what malignant means?” With a blank stare towards the paper, rereading the report for myself, I said, “yea.” She said, “good, ok.” She turned to face my mom and asked her the same thing.  My mom asked, “is that like cancer, but not the bad kind, right? Right?!” My mom rushed the doctor for answer, hoping that malignant wasn’t what she thought it could mean. The doctor said, “well malignant, isn’t the good kind of cancer. It is lymphoma.” “Could your results be wrong?” My mother asked. “Well no, this is a DNA of a tissue sample. This is 98% accurate,” said the dermatologist. “Sooooo, what do we do now?” My mother asked. “Well, now she has to be seen by an oncologist and hematologist. But the good news is that this is treatable, in fact, curable,” said my dermatologist. I remember clasping my hands, taking in a deep sigh, as the tears began to fall like the rain shower before the storm. The wail I released sent shock waves through the hall as the nurses stood by the door to poke their heads in to see if there was anything they could do. My doctor immediately stood up and embraced me. She said, “it’s curable.” And I replied, “but what does that mean about having children.” Never looking up at her, I felt a tear release from her cheek onto my forehead, and at that moment, she rushed out of the room. I assumed not knowing how to answer my question. My mother, at that time, called my siblings while forcing herself to hide her tears behind the other side of the door. As my doctor exited and never returned, the nurses entered the exam room, embracing me and crying with me. My mother returned with the reddest of eyes and gently said, “come on, hun. We got to find an oncologist.”

All that ran through my mind at that time was that this was not the results I prepared myself for. What did she mean this was curable? I saw my dad die from cancer when I was seven years old, and it was not curable for him. He was sick, very sick. What did that mean for treatment? I did not have an employee insurance. I was a full time graduate student. Who would insure me now? Plus, I purposefully waited ten plus years to have kids until I was financially ready, and now this would never give me that opportunity, even if I was financially ready. Chemo would rid every chance of that. It would kill me from the inside? I am in a committed relationship, we have no future without kids…I couldn’t ask him to stay knowing that I couldn’t give us kids, which is an extension of a future together. Will I lose my locs? I will lose my locs! Who will I look like? Why cancer? Why me?! I eat well, exercise, and believe in the power of spirit. Did I inherit this from my dad? Was it genetic? Do I have to fight? If I don’t fight, is this my fate? What does fighting mean? These thoughts rushed my mind almost instantly, at the exact same moment my mother stroked my cheek as she drove to my primary physician’s office, and said, “don’t you can’t give up on me!” The tears kept strolling down my cheek wondering how does one not give up? What did that mean? How could my body betray me?

All I could do was cry.  I must’ve cried the entire day. And in the moments of silence, I refused to think. I just sat.  By the end of the day, I laid still with my eyes open, staring at the ceiling with no original thought swimming through my mind, but the memory of my father. Would his fate be mine? The days that followed flew by like a rapid windstorm in the winter: icy, cold, and dreary. I fell sicker and listless, until I was finally admitted to the hospital on October 7, 2013. The following days were filled with ongoing tests. On October 11, 2013, I was officially diagnosed with one of the rarest diseases that continues to be studied in U.S. medical sciences. It is so rare that less than 1% of the U.S. population are diagnosed with this disease. This disease is called Blastic Plasmacytoid Dendritic Cell Neoplasm, a rare acute Leukemia, in which I began the Hyper CVAD treatment immediately.  

I went into remission after my third treatment, and was officially cancer free January 2, 2014.  Luckily, I was half way through my treatment.  Typically, the Hyper CVAD consists 6-8 rounds of chemotherapy and one Lumbar puncture per treatment. Every twenty-one days, I was admitted for five days for treatment. The objective is to find a match stem cell donor while undergoing therapy.  For my disease, chemotherapy was necessary, but it was imperative to find a donor for a transplant. Without one, I was told that I would only have a year to live after completing chemo, even if my disease was in remission. I completed six rounds of the Hyper CVAD chemotherapy before receiving my transplant in February 2014.

Days leading up to the transplant, I had three days of additional chemotherapy and four days of radiation. I was completely exhausted, nauseous, and fatigued.  The day after my last radiation treatment was my transplant day, March 21, 2014.  I had no idea what to expect.  All I knew was that my sister was giving me life.  How do properly thank someone who does this unselfishly?  Now that I have had the transplant, I can say that the recovery is extremely different than recovering from chemo.  Although the procedure was successful and my counts recovered from the transplant, I am being monitored closely by my physician.  The time after transplant procedure is extremely critical.  And even though my procedure was successful, there are strict guidelines I must follow. For instance, if I am outside, I must wear a hat and coat, even if it is 95 degrees.  I now have a food list that dictates what I am able or unable to eat.  Imagine calling Starbucks just to ask if the cream cheese is pasteurized! This is all in the sake of healing.  As my body’s energy is in a state rebuilding with my sister’s cells, I have 180 days until I am able to go anywhere other than from home to the clinic.

I have accepted all of what I experienced as a transformation of my mind and body, a process of renewal for my faith, and a journey of enlightenment.  I have survived and have redefined what it means for me: surviving is fighting, healing, and living past my diagnosis.”

So in no better words if you are fighting cancer, or just flat out life…
Don’t give up, hang in there!
My mother lost her battle and wasn’t fortunate enough to win but she never gave up till her last breath she kept pushing, and that makes her just as much of a winner as anyone else.

Ali Black has taken this experience allowing it to help her keep pushing; It hasn’t defeated her and she refuses to allow it for she is also a fighter.

Grateful she shared;
Kbeautifulmind