Tag: trust

Application for my final lover

I love myself a handsome, clean cut man with a heart warming smile… (smiles are my weakness)

But that doesn’t mean much anymore…
It’s about being a spiritually and emotionally healthy person.

I don’t want a super model, or a dude who has over 100 followers.
I don’t care if you won the lotto, drive a Mercedes-Benz, or can buy me anything I desire.
Looks and money don’t matter.
Appearance is nice, but the real question is; Are you humorous?
How’s your confidence? Your mental health? Have you let the past rest yet? How’s your conversation? How open are you to learning new things?
What about trying new things?
Are you loving? Do you think honesty is one of the most important ingredient for a relationship?
Do you know how to play/work in a team?
Are you forgiving or do you hold grudges? Will you swallow your pride and apologize when you’re wrong?
How important is family to you? Do you believe unity is important in a family?
Will you be nurturing and loving to your children? And if you’re not affectionate, will you at least accept affection?
How important are promises to you? Do you easily break them?
Do you believe in marriage? And if so do you believe in divorce? Do you believe in “until death do us part” or will you give up when it gets hard?
Basically what I’m asking is…
When our marriage dies (because it will a couple of times) will you be willing to work with me to bring it back?
How well do you deal with stress? Do you run for the hills or stick it through till it’s resolved?
Do hard times break you or do they motivate you?

Last but not least are you emotionally and spiritually healthy?
Do you believe in yourself, do you love yourself?

I’ll be first to say I love myself a clean cut handsome man with a heart warming smile but if you’re not a healthy human being please discard this application.

Thank you,
Kbeautifulmind

Crazy Women

Crazy Women,
Don’t let the world make you stiff.
A man has made you believe that you are insane, as he confused you into disbelief.
Causing you to confuse hardness for strenght, silly woman you are not crazy!
You see, we as people label those who are more knowledgeable than we are “insane” because we are envious of their gifts and strenghts.
Your inability to feel and understand is considered an ability to survive.
So let him call you crazy, for it only means he is no fool, and he knows what your capable of and that nothing can get through you.
He knows you are real, as real as they get, and that you are gifted to feel emotions some can’t yet comprehend.
So go ahead and feel deeply girl, and cry, laugh, love how you need to and proudly be “crazy.”
Because you should be smart enough to know that your strenght is not defined by your emotions and neither is your insanity.
It’s called being human.

-Kbeautifulmind

I won’t…

I won’t beg someone to love me.

If it’s one thing I have always known, there is no use in hopeless pleas.

Not everyone you fall in love with will be yours to keep.

You see the thing about love is that it’s not technically reciprocal, because falling in love is actually a one way street.

You fall in love because YOU love how that person is, yet they might not find you as intriguing as you found them to be.

There is no need in asking someone to stay, for if they saw your worth and value they would never try and walk away.

I want to be loved unconditionally by someone who likes me for me, I do not wish to fight so hard just to make them see me for me.

I do not have time to prove to someone I am what they need, for only they know what it is they want and require, plus you can’t just magically light the fire…

The fire will come from within, it will always be lit; even if it doesn’t last it is something that can’t just go out in minutes.

Therefor I won’t beg for someone to love me, there is no use in hopeless pleas.

For love isn’t something you can just give, it’s something that is felt and builds up with time, something that you feel when you give someone a chance to see them for what they can be.

-Kbeautifulmind

You robbed me.

You robbed me.

Days, months, a year and more later, I can finally speak of it.

You robbed me.

You robbed me for my beauty, my innocence, my strenght, my confidence, for everything I believed in, you saw my vulnerability and you stripped me for everything I was.

You were so insecure and unhappy with yourself, and I was your victim.

From the minute we got involved romantically, you played me.

You played me, you’d lie and lie to me, and you’d blame and blame me.

You brought me down to my knees, to tears, to insecurity, to pain…
pain that made me believe it was all my fault.
Pain that made me believe I deserved it, pain that made me believe there was something wrong with ME.

You never hit me, you never abused me, but your cheating was just as bad or even worse.

You were a good friend before our involvement, but you were the worse “lover” anyone could ever ask for…
and I cant believe that through out all those years I never saw it.

You knew I was nice, you knew I was selfless, honorable, loyal, respectful, but most of all you knew I was passionate.

You knew I wouldn’t give up on you, you knew I’d fight for you, you knew I’d forgive you… over and over again…

So you robbed me, you be littled me, you took advantage of me, you took me for granted.

You destroyed me.

You took advantage of my passion and fight and you weakened me.

You robbed me, you robbed me for all I was…

and days, months, a year and more later I can finally talk about it…

Because I have gratefully found myself again.

-Kbeautifulmind

Confused Child

I wonder when he’ll stop hitting her.
I can’t bare the yelling any more, it keeps me up every night.
Why must Daddy always come home late and smelling so funny?
I wish he’d stop hitting her.
Why does he tell her she’s useless?
I can’t seem to understand?
Mommy isn’t useless, she’s so nice to Daddy and I.
She takes good care of me, sings to me, bathes me, reads to me, and even plays with me.
Sometimes when we are playing I can tell she’s tired, but she keeps playing.
Mommy isn’t useless at all; She cleans, cooks and irons Daddy’s work clothes very nicely.
I wish Daddy would see how special Mommy is…
Maybe I’ll tell him?
Maybe I won’t, last time I asked “Why do you hit Mommy?” He hit me too.
I don’t like to get hit, I’m a good child.
I love my Daddy, but I wonder when he’ll stop hitting her?
-Kbeautifulmind

I learned that it would never be the same…

As they told me you were there, in the same place we were in, I was shocked by how calm I felt with no desire to throw up and run free.
I thought that when this day would come, I’d freak out and not know what to do, but as I looked into your eyes I no longer saw what I use to.
The dreams that I desired, the love I reserved for you, all of it was gone there was just nothing there for you.
I didn’t feel like crying, there was no knots in my throat, my heart didn’t feel heavy you’d think all this hurt was super old.
My anger towards you was gone and my disappointment seemed so far, there was no spark or love, I looked once more but in confusion I realized there was nothing there to find.
I tried to remember the way you kissed but my body and mind would not react as they once did.
It seemed as if my mouth and mind were wipped clean of all the memories.
I couldn’t remember your laugh or what it was that attracted me to you, I guess all I really felt was disgust to think that I once belonged to you.
When you approched me with a hug I thought I’d feel something for sure but it was almost like I went numb and the touch of your arm was as dry as the crackers on the counter next to you.
I walked away in shock that you’d even bother to approch me in that way, but I couldn’t help but smirk at the pleasure of feeling nothing that I felt before that day.
It that moment I took a deep breath, feeling relived as I said “I forgave him, this is really it”
I learned then as I sat there with my friend, that today I had really learned something…
I learned the wonderful feeling that it would never be the same.

-Kbeautifulmind