It’s been a couple of hard weeks for me. Since Easter morning I’ve been riding in a emotional roller coaster. They say time heals all wounds, but does it?
To an extend we sure do hope it’s true, when you want to forget about something or someone.
You break up with a significant other, lose a friend, or go through a traumatic event and as time passes it’s like “Oh, this is nice. I’m better.”
Specially if they did something shitty to you then it’s like, “Wow! This is great, I can’t believe I was crying when it happened.”
The memories slowly disappear and that person once again means nothing to you.
But, when you lose someone you really love to death, time can be very dreadful.
Losing my mother was hard, and it’s gotten easier to deal with but I don’t know if I could ever see the wound healing.
My mom hated taking pictures, she was very shy and reserved and would just rather not be the center of attention.
So, time passing with her being gone can be so scary. You feel like maybe you’ll forget them. Their isn’t no updated pictures, no more silly voice mails or text messages. You start feeling like you might be forgetting what their hugs, kisses, and voice felt or sounded like. You still remember them but it’s now at random and they still feel like they are there but it’s only sometimes… So you try.
You try to pray to them, talk to them, and at night you even think about them with hope that they will visit you in your dreams. You even have moments where you think, “I’ve always been scared to see your spirit but it sure would be nice if this could happen now!” Just so you can get one more look at them, one more conversation, one more listen to their laugh.
Letting go of someone who wasn’t good for you makes time passing a blessing. However, needing to accept that someone is gone that you weren’t ready to let go of is so dreadful.
I miss her like crazy!
I wish she was here to see all the shitty things that are happening and also all the awesome things that are happening.
I miss her hugs and her hands running through my hair, when I asked her to help me get rid of me “head aches.”
I miss her silly jokes and her wonderful words of advise with everything from school and life to even friendship and romance.
I know she’s with me, but I could really use her presence in my life again.
It’s just not the same since she’s left, and I think that no matter how much times passes, nothing could ever heal or fill that void I have in my heart.