The challenge of life…

Weather you believe in god or not…

Sometimes life starts throwing these punches at you, and you can’t help but look up and go… “Why!? Why me!? Can you give me a break!?”

Everyone starts saying things like…

“You are going to be okay.”

“Everything will work it’s self out.”

“God only gives you what you can handle.”

and my favorite one…

“You must continue to be positive and have faith.”

The challenge of life isn’t necessarily over coming the obstacles, it’s more of believing you can.

In a moment of receiving bad news, it’s a bit hard to “be positive and have faith.”

In a moment of losing something or someone, you can’t even imagine “everything is going to be okay.”

In a moment of being knocked on your ass with a problem that seems to not have a solution, you don’t assume that “everything will work itself out.”


In a moment when it seems like life is just picking on you…

and it’s one bad news…

followed by another bad news…

and you can’t seem to understand…

or, find the answers you are looking for…

it feels as if God or life is out to get you and you can’t seem to understand “WHY!?”


You definetly are not thinking…

“God only gives you what you can handle.”

You see, the challenge in life isn’t over coming the obstacle.

It’s believing that the odds will be in your favor, and that you can actually do it.

Specifically when it seems as if life has been out to get you, your entire LIFE.

My word of advise for all of you and myself…

If we are blessed to continue to see another day, we will be alright.



If I could…

If I could go back in time, I’d tell you No.
I’d tell you, I am too young.
I’d tell you, your children are horrible, ungrateful kids, and they don’t deserve me to sacrifice my time and life to take care of them.
I’d tell you, I’m tired.
I’d tell you, I feel stuck, like there is no way out of this hell.
I’d tell you, I feel alone.
I’d tell you, I’m sorry but I can’t make you this promise.
I’d tell you, I’m sorry but this is not the life I want to live.
I’d tell you to find someone else.

Doctors appointment

We went to see the doctor today…
He checked her out told her she looked great and her lungs sounded perfect!
He reviewed the results of the chemo with us which we already knew had shrunk the tumor by 25 percent but had still spread do to some very small spotting which they assumed was part of the mass from the tumor.
He gave us the options which is a daily mouth medicine which can pro long her life and bone medication to make her bones stronger and slow the cancer from spreading through them…
Than she asked the doctor if she could go back to work and he told her “…from a personal perspective yes you can do anything you want! But as a doctor I don’t know if you want to work because this thing will only get worse with time and there will come a point when you might not even be able to get out of bed so I suggest enjoy the freedom and just relax….”
First thing I thought was… “It’s easy for him to say because he is obviously financially stable…”
Than the other thing was where I started to speak to god and asking him again “Why her lord?”
and maybe Im being a little selfish because I should know she’s not the only one sick in this world and there is people worse off.
However it breaks me, it tares me apart to think that she will eventually be feeling horrible pain that I won’t be able to sooth or cure.
All my siblings along with myself have seen our struggles and how hard this woman has worked just to have a roof over our heads and to put food on the table. However as the oldest I feel like Ive seen it all and more Ive seen her get mad, cry, and sometimes almost ready to give up and she amazes me how well she can put her self right back together and keep pushing! She says I have that characteristic of hers, her strength but when I see how strong she is Im not sure if I do because I am so sensitive. I don’t see her strength in me she makes me look like a baby compared to her.
Right now Im hurting Im trying so hard to be strong and hide it but Im hurting and Ill admit Im a bit scared for what will come.
However my faith is so strong and I know my lord hears me and I know that everything happens for a reason but I believe in his power and I know he knows how much we still need her. I really hope he hears my cry every day and knows how much I still need her here so I can give her the world and continue to make her proud.
I know that death is apart of life and please believe I as well as my mom and Im sure most people would like to go to heaven but I don’t feel most of us want to go yet. I have accepted that someday god will have her by his side as she watches over us and sits along with her father and other loved ones but I need her here still, I just ask for more time to be able to enjoy her love and persona and I pray he hears me.
We went to see her doctor today and boy was it hard, I just pray my lord hears me.
Thank you for reading;