A promise to my goddaughter

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Today is my niece’s 1st Birthday! I’ll never forget the day her mommy told me she was pregnant. I freaked out!!!
I was very up set with her and could not believe what I was hearing. Instead of being her friend and listening I turned into an angry big sister/mom. I told her she was such a dummy and if she had not learned enough from everything we suffered growing up in a house hold where we didn’t have much not even enough time with our momma.
I told her… “Do you not remember all we had to do? Pretty much raising ourselves because she had to go to work all the time? You can’t bring a baby into this world right now! Look at what you guys have to offer “her”… NOTHING!”
And even though my sister was annoyed she said she knew a lecture was coming when she told me. All she did was find humor in it and said “So you think it’s a Her?”
I could have killed her in that moment, always so dam stubborn.
However even though I thought I was right, I now see I wasn’t.
And I’d like to take this moment to say sorry. Not just to my sister but to my niece who I love so much. I’m sorry pretty girls.

Dear Audrina,
Happy 1st Birthday!🎉🎀
I love you very much and I could never imagine life with out you. I remember the day god brought you into this world like it was yesterday. First of all you kept us waiting like crazy, I remember spending the whole night up waiting for you to arrive and you never came, finally as I was coming back to the hospital from the first day of school your gamma called me to tell me you were on your way! I drove like a crazy lady and rushed to the hospital. I made it just in time as they came out to tell us you were finally here. I felt like a new little piece of hope, love, happiness and joy filled my heart and I knew right then and there as I looked into your beautiful (yet very swollen) eyes that I was going to love you more then anyone I’ve ever loved before. You were my niece and I was so happy that you were here. As you’ll know when you are old enough to understand we as a family were going through alot when we found out about you. Gamma (Nana) was very sick and is now no longer with us but I honestly  am so glad the Lord has put you in our lives to help us find peace and happiness with your silliness and to warm our hearts with all your love😍
I don’t have much to offer you (yet) but I promise I will be the best Nina you will ever have. Like I promised Grandma before she left us; I will always protect you, help you to the best of my ability with anything you need, love you no matter what you do or don’t do, and make sure you always know how beautiful and important you are. I promise to always try and lead you down the right path. I also promise to always help you, listen and understand you in case you make any mistakes. I promise you that as long as I live you will always have a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on.
But most of all I promise to love you with all my heart and soul.
I love you mucho Drina-winnaa, mi bolita de masita, mi gorda preciosa💕
Your favorite Auntie;
Kelsey🌻

When I look into my niece’s eyes…

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You wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that come from the unexpected surprises in our lives…♡

When my sister got pregnant I was mad at her.
I say some pretty mean things when I’m hurt. I mean they do say “Never believe what comes out of a persons mouth when they are mad” or “She/He was mad and didn’t mean it”
and in my case this is very true.
Usually when Im mad I laugh at people or at the situation. Ironic I know but the truth is that making me mad doesn’t happen often in my life; However hurting me can come very easy if you put effort into it well at least if I’ve grown to care about you a lot you can really destroy me emotionally.
For example, hurt me then asked me “Do you still love me?”
and you’ll probably get an “I don’t know” or I’ll make up a good one and tell you “I’ve moved on an put fire to the rain” even if I’m dying inside from all the hurt because I still love you with all my heart.

Sadly I shut down and build a wall and sadly most people haven’t stuck around long enough to break it so I just stay hurt and thats sadly the end of that…

Now piss me off, disappoint me and hurt me and even I am disturbed with what comes out of my mouth… its a very bad habit I am honestly ashamed of but I guess it’s because when I love I go all in and when I get hurt I feel so broken I just don’t know how to deal with it.

Well like I said when I found out my sister was pregnant I was hurt because she had made me a promise that ment a lot to me, I was disappointed because she betrayed that promise and I was mad because in that moment I felt like she was an idiot for allowing this to happen knowing her life wasn’t all put together like it should be. She knew how much we had suffered with our single mom so why the HELL not break the cycle and better her future…

As you can see growing up with a single mom has hurt me a lot because I don’t want my siblings to have to suffer like my mom has. I don’t want them to “work to die” I want them to “work to live” I want them to make a bright future out of themselves and become independent successful people. 
When my sister told me she was pregnant I thought her life was over…
and to some young parents it is but not because they had a baby but because they waisted it and took it for granted.
Thats when I realized that my mom didn’t “work to die” she might have worked hard all her life and didn’t get to work to “live it up” but she worked for us and she gave us a great life and loved us so much and that is living. Yeah we suffered, we stressed but then again who doesn’t.
Then on August 25th at around 1:25pm Audrina Genevieve came into our world. When I met my niece and looked into those big googly eyes I couldn’t believe it. In that moment I knew that the future of my sister wouldn’t depend on the fact that this blessing from above was now with us. It wouldn’t make a diffrence it was still on how my sister wanted to build it for herself. I realized that baby or no baby she was still going to make things happen the way she wanted to.

Yes it will be a bit harder and at times she might stress more then others but I now know Audrina is a unexpected blessing to all of us and I am so grateful for her.

Audrina has brought happiness, hope and faith in to our lives. This is something that was covered by a sad storm last December. She is our little Angel god send us to show us that everything will be alright.

When I look into my niece’s eyes I can now see that she was the best unexpected surprise anyone could have ever asked for♥

Therefor when times seem hard, and life is just dark remember that god is sending something good your way you might just not realize what it is going to come in. It can come in a new love, a good friend, or even in a addition to the family. Just know that it’s coming and it will soon brighten up your life again♥

Happy Auntie;
Kbeautifulmind