I use to believe that being in the perfect relationship or being the perfect couple only needed one ingredient; Love.
However, as you mature and get older you come to realize that sometimes love is really not enough. Sometimes there is more that is needed for a good recipe, and even then it might not be perfect.
You see, a relationship takes up a lot of time and attention. It requires good amount of effort and consideration. But we don’t realize that at the beginning because we are so blinded by what I like to call the “honey moon stage.” When we like some one or better yet love someone, you experience a happiness like no other, those wonderful butterfly’s that make you feel like you are on top of the world! Unfortunately as happy as that person once made you, they can also become the number one reason of a misery you thought you’d never experience. Because after the honeymoon stage there is always a little chance of it all going sour.
This leads me to my recipe on the subject, which is really quite simple. First make sure you are in love or if not “in” love then make sure you Love and really care about the person. If there is no love it probably won’t last very long. Love can not be forced; we can’t work towards falling in love, if we could they wouldn’t call it “falling” in love. You don’t have complete control over whom you fall in love with and or how long that love will last. Therefor if you are trying to force it what ever your reasons may be, then it won’t work out, it just won’t.
The next ingredient is Accept as well as comprehending everything about your partner. You must really get to know the person, do not get fooled by the butterfly’s you are feeling. Ask your self “Who is he/she when I’m not looking?” “Do I like what they are/represent?”
A guy I once dated told me “You don’t even know me anymore.” I’ll admit that in that moment I disagreed with him. How could two people that had been friends for over 8 years and dated for about half of that not know each other? I had devoted so much time, and years to this relationship that I couldn’t believe this was true. Later I realized he was right; that’s what I had been fighting for I wanted him to get to know me again because he didn’t know me either. I mean it’s not like we didn’t know each other at all, because we did at one point. For God sakes we are sitting right next to each other in our pre-school pictures, to me this love seemed like destiny like It was meant to be because I had never loved anyone so much. But we fell a part because we were both changing and growing, and as you grow your way of thinking or seeing things doesn’t always stay the same. If you don’t continue to get to know each other and keep up, then you will grow a part. Therefore we must accept that we all change; the desires your partner has now won’t be the same in the next 5-15 years, they just won’t. That’s when you’ll decide if you want to learn to accept and comprehend this new person instead of loosing them. Just remember once you loose them it’s rare when you can get them back, make sure this is a risk your willing to take you don’t want to end up living in regret.
My third ingredient is Sharing; I’m sure you have all heard the saying “sharing is caring” which comes from the idea that if you care about someone or a group of people you’ll be willing to share some of your “things” with them. In relationships this saying is very, very true. First off, if you’re keeping things from them it’s bound to fail. However for the most part if you are serious about this person and are committed you must realize that you are now a part of a “TEAM” and as a team player you can’t keep the plays, moves or tricks from the rest of the team and expect to win. However it also takes two to tango and if one person is sharing and trying but the other doesn’t care then it’s not a lot of fun as you start feeling alone. Just make sure you share and also listen to their sharing and it will be so much fun. Share your dreams, fears, desires, what excites you, what turns you on, and even what pisses you off.
“How was your day?”
“How was your mathematic class?”
“What did you do at work today?”
“What’s on your mind?”
Not only will open questions force your lover to open up to you but it will bring you guys closer together, making your relationship better.
For my last ingredient but probably the most important is Trust. Trusting your significant other is a absolute must in a relationship. I know, I know this is the hardest one yet. I struggle from it really bad as I’ve programmed myself not to trust anyone because I once was so gullible and I’d always get hurt or screwed over. Therefore by experience I know that it’s hard but I have also learned that there is still good people out there, so I don’t let it take over my life or relationship. Don’t be the girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife who calls 24-7.
“You got off from work 5 minutes ago, where are you?”
“No you can not go to that bar for guys night, there is a lot of women there. I trust you but I don’t trust them.”
First of all that whole “I trust you but I don’t trust them” is BS. Yes there is dirty women out there that seem to be attracted by the wedding band or the “I have a girlfriend” line, however just remember “It takes two to tango”.
If someone is going to cheat or back stab you they’ll do it no matter how many times you call, text, yell or how short you keep the leash. If they screw you over it’s their lost. But also if they don’t give you the attention you deserve then they pushed you. All situations are different but if it has gotten to that point, I only have two words… MOVE ON.
Just remember not to let fear and jealousy interfere because a relationship like that isn’t healthy. Not only will you psych yourself out, but you’ll be that annoying couple no one likes to really hang out with because they got tired of hearing…
“You like her? Go get her, I saw you staring! I’m sure if I wasn’t here you probably would!”
No matter what your reasons for acting that way may be, don’t do it unless you want to drive yourself to miserie.
It’s very simple folks, it only takes those main ingredients and a little bit of your own twist to it. If two people put in the effort this recipe will help make your relationship LAST.