Antepasados/Ancestors

Yo soy la lumbre que alumbra el camino,

Yo camino los pasos de los que vinieron antes de mí.

Yo cuento sus historias, sus de deseos, y mantengo sus sueños vivos.

Yo represento el sufrimiento, y el dolor.

Estoy hecha de la misma sangre que coreo en sus venas.

La lucha no solo es mía,

Es de mis antepasados.

De mis abuelos.

De mis padres.

Y para aquellos que vendrán después de mí.

-Kbeautifulmind

I am the flame that illuminates the pathway.

I walk in the footsteps of those that came before me.

I tell their old stories, their desires, and maintain their dreams alive.

I represent the sacrifice, and the pain.

I’m made of the same blood that ran through their veins.

This fight isn’t only my fight.

It’s of my ancestors.

It’s of my grandparents.

It’s of my parents.

… and for those that’ll come after me.

-Kbeautifulmind

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Hello Dear WordPress Followers,

I’d to take this moment to thank you all for reading my work, for being fans of what I write and believe in since I created my blog.

I’d also like to address that I’m working on writing more this year, expanding my words to touch more lives, and to share that I have some new and fun exciting project ideas on the way!

I’ve decided to create a “Professional Instagram” page, were I’d like to expose my poetry, quotes, short stories, advise through my knowledge, and display my soon to come videos or audio recordings!

I hope you all will follow and join me in this exciting journey!

Instagram: Kbeautifulmind__ (those are two _ _ )

Thanks y’all! I’m excited!

XO,

Kbeautifulmind

Please

Please

If I go while you’re still here…
Please know that I live on,
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
Please do not wish it was you instead of me.
You will not see me, but you must have faith.
Celebrate my life, smile for I am in a better place.
I’ve now joined all those who went before me,
Please remember that and find peace.
Laugh with each other as you remember all the good times,
for there were so many good and bad moments we were blessed to live together.
Send me away with lots of love,
I want you all to be happy,
Please remember that we will someday reunite.
And when you need me until then,
Please just whisper my name in your heart,
… I will be there…
Until we meet again.
-Kbeautifulmind

 

This poem was written for my “Fake” Funeral program I had to make for a class project. However I love it and had to share so that my family can have it incase someday I really go.

“You’re a dimond in the rough.”

“You’re my Dimond in the rough.”

Was the lie that rolled out of his tongue;

as he promised her forever, days before he left her.

“You’re my Dimond in the rough.”

Were the words that ran in her head, as she cried after she discovered the truth only days later.

There he was, the man she had helped built, and never gave up on.
The man she forgave, over and over again many times before…
The man she fought for, for so long.
There he was…
In a picture with another one of his little flings, the one that was worth walking away with.
The other woman who had no respect, and decided to post a picture of them after only a couple of days.
Like breaking someone’s heart wasn’t enough pain, so they had to humiliate her and laugh in her face.

“You’re a dimond in the rough,” she says out loud now that so much time has passed.

“You’re a dimond in the rough,” she says smiling and giggling as she sees how happy she is now.
Now, that she has discovered that she is indeed a dimond…

except this time she’s free from the rough, never to have to live through such nightmare again.

-Kbeautifulmind

Day two of our Goodbye

image

On a sad cloudy morning like today, a year ago is when I realized I had to accept it, and let her go. Yet the pain only felt deeper than when I got the news the night before.
I had dozed off on the bed next to her, when I woke up to her moan, it was a moan that said “I am in serious pain.”
I remember seeing my aunt helping the nurse move her a bit and my reaction came with some anger, “What are you guys doing to her!?” I yelled.
The nurse responded, “Honey, we have to clean her up and change her.”
My mom did not want to be moved or touched at all, she continued to moan with frustration and I could see the tears in my aunts eyes as she also suffered to see her in this pain.
I rememeber thinking…
“This is sssooo not what she wanted!”

My mother was what we would call a “Independent Warrior”:
She fought for what she believed in, even if she stood alone.
She’d do anything for those she loved, even if it meant starving herself to feed them.
She made it clear she needed no one or their approval to get what she wanted.

She was a single mom for most of her life, except when she was married to my step dad but even then she never depended on him or anyone to get things done.
She never got government help to raise us, she never told family to pick us up when we were down (even though they constantly offered) and some how she always found the resources, time and energy to get us through EVERYTHING and still help others.
On those last three days, our little place was filled with so many people.
Some I didn’t even know but they knew of me, and every single one of them started their stories with:

“Your mom HELPED me…”

The day of her viewing we had only ordered 250 memorial cards and we ran out.
The days were such a blur for me, but what I did know for sure is that there was over 250 people who attended.

I rememeber a lady crying as she looked at my mom and said, “No god, why these beautiful hands? Why this beautiful lady that always gave me a helping hand.”

So as I watched her moan, I knew she was upset.
I knew she was not happy to be leaving this earth not being able to do anything for herself.
Then the nurse said,
“Is her mom (my grandma) on her way? I don’t think she’ll make it through the night, she is no longer releasing body waist.”
The tears came running down as I held her hand, I had finally accepted it, but I still couldn’t understand why God was taking the most important person in my life from me.
A couple minutes later my little brother Kevin came walking in the room.
I could see the confusion and the pain in that 11 year olds face as he tried to hide it and be “strong”
He said “Why was mommy making that noise, is she okay? and Why are you crying agggaaiiinnnn…”
I didn’t need to answer, as Kevin got close to her and held her hand a tear started running down her face.
She was in pain,
And maybe not just in pain from the Cancer, she was in pain because she also knew it would soon be time for her to go and it was killing her to be leaving her children all alone.

-Kbeautifulmind

Love and relationships are like a race…

Love and relationships are like a race. We train so hard, sometimes we fall, we give it our all, and we build them up to where we want them to be. After all the hard work some of us win the golden metal and the hard work pays off, and sometimes someone else gets the metal and your hard work becomes someone else’s victory. Sometimes that’s what makes us build that grudge because it’s a bit unfair that someone else gets the metal, but we shouldn’t allow it to make us bitter.
Why?
Because no matter what happened we learned and therefore we also win and even though it seems like it, our hard work wasn’t unnoticed and someday our metal will be even better then any of the metals we didn’t get.”
-Kbeautifulmind

What if I fell into a coma…

Today I sit here tired and bored getting paid to do nothing.
I should be taking this time to start working on my term paper but my brain is filled with so many other thoughts.
Life can be such a handful, I begin to think about all that has gone wrong in my life and all that has gone right.
I have fallen as many times as I have been lifted up yet the falling always seems to hurt more.
Today the scars outweight my heart and I begin to wonder or imagine this story of what would happen if I fell into a coma.
I wouldn’t want to check out for a long time maybe 3 months max, into a deep sleep where my body, mind and soul just gets to rest and rebut it’s self so that it comes back with a stronger grip on life.
There is so many questions I’d want answered when I woke up.
What did I miss?
Who still lives?
Who was born?
Who was worried about me?
And who stood by my side for all 3 months?
I also began to wonder what If I woke up and remebered nothing?
Would I be okay starting over with a blank slate?  Or would I miss some of it?
Who would I remember? What would I forget?

I almost drove myself crazy thinking about this. I mean seriously it would be a big deal to be able to check out like that with the possibility that you might wake up knowing no one or remembering nothing!?

In a way it would be nice, even though my past makes me the better person I am today, If some of these memories could be erased I would no longer have to feel some of the pain and hurt that haunts me on random days.

Then I relized that even though there is more things I would like to forget then those I want to remember; If I actually forgot a lot of these things I’d probably feel empty.
I began to realize that its the memories in my life that make me who I am and have kept me going.

However I have to admit it be nice to at least have the option…

Maybe, just maybe if it could be as easy as grabbing it all like a group of documents or pictures you no longer want or need and putting them in a fire pit, watching them burn slowly and once they were done burning they’d be gone forever. If they could be gone but still leave me with the good lessons and not take away my new persona with them would I take it? Would I be willing to let go of everything in order to no longer hurt until of course getting hurt again?

Its a very interesting thought…. isn’t it?
What would you do?

I might take burning it all over the coma… If only.

Kbeautifulmind.