1,2,3,4… 30


That’s all she heard, she raised her sleepy head, and suddenly a rush of blood flew quick through her veins and her entire body.

She can hear his name being called through his phone, “_______, are you okay?”

Call the police she yelled to the receiver hoping she’d hear, “Call the police!”

“What did you take?” she screamed, “what did you take?”

He couldn’t understand her. Not anymore than she could understand him.

She screamed, as she dropped the phone. The conversation she was having hung from her thigh with the voice of another “friend,” that, had she listened, was telling her what was wrong with him.

“Oh god, what the fuck did you take! Oh god, oh god, oh god!”

“Help! Somebody help me!” Her voice cracked, as she screamed to the top of her lungs.”

“My brother, my brother, something is wrong with my brother…” she said into the receiver of her phone.

She hung up the phone, and then dialed 9-1-1

Time didn’t stop, but, it moved very slow.

She could see the room spinning…

“Get yourself together K, you have to save him!” she yelled mentally.

She could barely make up her words, she tried to tell the dispatcher something serious was wrong…

The dispatcher had heard her, “I know mam, we just received a call, police is on the way, can you confirm the address…”

“east… yeah east”

“Mam, we need you to calm down please, he is most likely having a seizure.”

“He isn’t breathing! He isn’t breathing! He is purple! His lips, his face, he’s purple!”

She drops the phone…

“CPR! I know CPR, Iv’e known CPR since I was 15…”

“What is the count? What is the fucken count!?”

“Oh god, Oh god, Moooooommmmm pllllleeassseeee!”

push 1, push 2, push 3, push 4, push 5, push 6, push 7, push 8, push 9, push 10, push 11, push 12, push 13, push 14, push 15…

Tilt, Blow. Blow.

“No! It’s fucken 30!” she yelled, mentally.

“What the fuck did you take? Moooommmmm!”

Push 1, push 2, push 3, push 4, push 5, push 6, push 7, push 8, push 9, push 10, push 11…

tears running down her face, she can not believe this is happening…

“Why would this happen?,” she thought.

“No way is he going like this…” she mumbled mentally.

“Mom, I freaken need you, pleaseee!”

Push 12, push 13, push 14, push 15, push 16, push 17, push 18, push 19, push 20, push 21, push 22, push 23, push 24, push 25, push 26, push 27, push 28, push 29, push 30

Tilt, BLOW and… BLOW.

GASP, he rises and tries to lean forward.

Siiggghhhh, “Thank you mom,” she whispered as her tears fell into her mouth.

“No, no, no don’t move please, don’t move…” she told him…

She ran out and yelled, “Help! Someone one please help me!”

Flash lights coming through, police walked up, walked in, and took over.

She was cold, and at the same time sweaty.

She was scared, and at the same time proud.

She was worried.

“Can you hug me?,” she asked as she stood outside with someone.

“Can you please just hug me very tight?”

Heart beating fast, breathing oh, so, difficult.

Anxiety expanding and spreading through her body.

Body felt like collapsing…

Officer, “Are you the mother? Can I speak to you? What happen?”

1,2,3,4,5 … breathe.



The story behind my concert binging…


On a night where my mom and I were both sooo tired but couldn’t sleep…
She stated…

Mom: “What a long day huh? Radiation, chemo, blood tests, and two doctor appointments…

Me:” Yeah…” (I couldn’t sit there and say I was exhausted, when she was the one going through it. I just went with her… but she was right, I was tired too.)

Mom: “I can’t believe I’m really dying… all the things I didn’t get to do… vale madre…”

We had just found out my mom’s cancer was moving rapidly and it had now taken over half of her spine, and most of her hip…
She had been in some serious pain!!!

With tears in my eyes but trying to hold them in I said…

Me: “What would you have done more of mom?”

Mom: “Pues empezando… viajar mas… pero también… eir a muchos conciertos (I would have gone to a lot of concerts) no hay mejor médicina que la música!(there is no better medicine like music)

y en vivo? Uuuyyy, olvidalo! (And live music!? Ffeeewww, forget it! It’s amazing!)

I couldn’t help but smile because my mom new that I LOVE music, and to dance.
Even though I knew she loved music too, she was more quite and reserved so the image of her at a concert made me smile because she had always been more of a home body.

Me: “Well, I wanted to make it before you left us someday. But I promise you, that I will travel for you and you won’t have to ask me twice to go to a concert.”

Mom: “Eres bien alegre… (you are always so happy) You got that from me, because your dad was always an “amargado” but before I “worked to die” I was JUST like you!

Since my mom has passed I been to over 10 concerts…
No money to travel much yet but I’ve been on a plane 3 times…

A year and a half later… and for the rest of my life…
not only am I living for ME but I’m living for her…