I want to love a whole.

Half: 

haf/Submit
noun
1.
either of two equal or corresponding parts into which something is or can be divided.
“the northern half of the island”

Complete: 

verb

4.

make (something) whole or perfect.
“he only needed one thing to complete his happiness”
synonyms: finish off, round off, top off, crown, cap, complement
“the outfit was completed with a veil”

I use to dream of finding my “other half.

Both times I have fallen in love I actually believed I had found (him).

Because before them I didn’t feel whole.

I didn’t love myself.

I didn’t believe in myself.

I didn’t feel that I could actually be happy being alone.

Unfortunately, I am not one of the only people who have felt this way, and what’s even more crazy is people go their whole lives feeling this way.

This is where people screw up.

They feel it’s normal and just go with it, until they settle for anyone because they believe that without “someone” by their side they are not complete.

What’s funny is that before the relationships even ended, I was always looking for “something,” something that would take away the empty feeling I had. When I couldn’t figured it out, I assumed that it was the relationship, the person’s fault for the way I was feeling.

Now that I’ve learned, I’ve realized that the first time there was nothing missing, I was missing. The self love, the self confidence, the self trust, is what was missing.

You can’t fully love someone else like they deserve, if you don’t love yourself.

The second time, I was missing so bad that I actually convinced myself to believe that I deserved the “type” of love I was receiving.

I’m still learning.

So far, I have learned the definitions of “half” and “complete.”

and I now know I don’t want either or to define the person I end up with for the rest of my life.

I don’t want an “other half,” I want a WHOLE.

I want a whole person, someone who knows exactly who they are, what they represent, what they want, and who loves themselves enough to know how to love ME.

I don’t want to feel complete when this person comes along, or for them to feel like I complete them.

I want us to already be complete, only to come along and complement each others lives for the better.

I don’t want to be someone else’s ideal “Ms. Right,” or “The One.”

I don’t want someone that has been looking for someone like me their whole lives.

I want to fall into someone.

I want to come long and change their lives for the best.

I want to make them feel things they have never felt before.

I want to add to their happiness, I want someone who before me was already happy with themselves.

I want to be someones whole and I want them to be my whole.

I want us to be two wholes who simply just deserve each other, who simply just realized we wanted to to continue to grow while we watch the other grow.

I don’t want to ever end up with another half, or feel like a half again.

I refuse to settle for someone to complete me.

I want a whole someone, so that I can live with their all, learn about their all, and love their all and whole entire persona.

I want the next time I fall in love, to just simply be a whole who loves another whole and entire other person.

I want someone who can give me their all, while I also give them my all.

-Kbeautifulmind

Maybe I’m just hard…

Maybe I’m just hard to love.
Maybe I’m just hard to handle.
Maybe I’m just hard to please.
Maybe I’m just hard to attend.
Maybe I’m just hard to listen to.
Maybe I’m just hard to care for.
Maybe I’m just hard to take a chance with.
Maybe I’m just hard to commit to.
Maybe I’m just hard to love.
Maybe, just maybe, I’m just hard to love.

-Kbeautifulmind 

You robbed me.

You robbed me.

Days, months, a year and more later, I can finally speak of it.

You robbed me.

You robbed me for my beauty, my innocence, my strenght, my confidence, for everything I believed in, you saw my vulnerability and you stripped me for everything I was.

You were so insecure and unhappy with yourself, and I was your victim.

From the minute we got involved romantically, you played me.

You played me, you’d lie and lie to me, and you’d blame and blame me.

You brought me down to my knees, to tears, to insecurity, to pain…
pain that made me believe it was all my fault.
Pain that made me believe I deserved it, pain that made me believe there was something wrong with ME.

You never hit me, you never abused me, but your cheating was just as bad or even worse.

You were a good friend before our involvement, but you were the worse “lover” anyone could ever ask for…
and I cant believe that through out all those years I never saw it.

You knew I was nice, you knew I was selfless, honorable, loyal, respectful, but most of all you knew I was passionate.

You knew I wouldn’t give up on you, you knew I’d fight for you, you knew I’d forgive you… over and over again…

So you robbed me, you be littled me, you took advantage of me, you took me for granted.

You destroyed me.

You took advantage of my passion and fight and you weakened me.

You robbed me, you robbed me for all I was…

and days, months, a year and more later I can finally talk about it…

Because I have gratefully found myself again.

-Kbeautifulmind

It’s those moments

It’s those moments…
The ones that take your breathe away, the ones that make you sigh with relief, the ones that make you laugh uncontrollably, the ones that make you grin from ear to ear.
It’s those moments, the ones that make you wish you could press rewind and play them again.
It’s those moments, the ones that make life worth living.
-Kbeautifulmind

image

I am not your mother and I can’t be your sister, but I promise you baby girl I’ll always be your friend.
I promise to always love you and make you laugh the best that I can.
I will listen to you when you want me to, and advise you when you ask for it.
I will do my best to encourage you to do good, and show you that I believe in you.
I will share my knowledge of life with you, and will always be by your side to cheer for you.
I will understand you like a mother,
I will be here for you like a sister,
But most of all I will love you like a friend.
I am your auntie, and I will love you forever and always.
-Kbeautifulmind