The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others…

“Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.”
-Audrey Hepburn

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My mom has always told us that if we help other’s god will bless us with more.
So as a kid I was raised to be helpful, I learned to always offer a hand and do it in a good mood and with an open heart.
I’ll be honest, I truly enjoy it.

Now that I’m older; I’ve always been one to offer my car, home, money, life or whatever it is I had. I was the dummy always chasing others and putting in all the effort to save my friendships and relationships.
A couple of years ago I began to open my eye’s, and see that this wasn’t always good. I was almost always left hurt, betrayed or walked on by those I thought really cared about me. I’d tell myself “How could she not love me? I am an amazing friend to her; or How could this guy not fall in love with me? I’m an amazing girl friend!”
I was robbed for years… sigh.
I was the girl that gave my last bucks to a homeless man/women, knowing they’d turn around walk back into the store and buy a beer.
Only about two, three years ago I sat myself down and really did some thinking…
I told myself…
“Why do I let it affect me so much when someone doesn’t care about me? Why do I get so hurt when I’m not appreciated? Why am I stressing about who my siblings date? What’s it to me if he’s/she’s no good for her/him? Or that they don’t have good grades? Or that my friend is on the wrong path? Or that my friend doesn’t appreciate me? Or that my brothers don’t listen to my advise?”

and I realized in that moment that it wasn’t worth it!

But what would I do? How could I change who I am? And was I being selfish? After all it’s not a “good deed” if you’re expecting something in return right?

And that is right, don’t help others if you expect something back…

But…

In that moment I knew that I had to help myself before I  worried to help others. I had to cut my rope free before I cut their’s, if not I would be left there to hang and die!

Because you don’t have to change who you are; If it’s in your heart and bones to help other’s you must do it! This world needs good people, people who care and we must continue to do so.

It’s very simple, you just have to appreciate yourself. Either help yourself as you help them or be a little selfish and do you first, then help them.

If you do everything for your dude but he does nothing for you then stop, if he changes and chases you then continue, if he doesn’t…. There is plenty of fish in the sea!

That friend that always asks for help, rides, support… still help her/him but learn to say “NO” if it means changing your plans or canceling what you had going on. Do not put anyone first anymore!

If your siblings don’t listen to your advise and you’re the oldest…
1. Remember you had to learn, so do they.
2. Remind them you’re backing off but will always be there if they need you.
3. Tell them what I tell my siblings; “I don’t care what the hell you do, after all I won’t be depending on you someday, I got my head on right! I do it for YOU because I want to see you succeed for YOU.
4. Sit back and watch and when you need to step in (you’ll know when) then step in!

Over all remember that “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink it”

Therefore don’t change who you are but remember to only offer a helping hand not your neck. Remember that not everyone will appreciate it and if it seems like that then give the helping hand to someone who will.

You’ll win some and loose some but just make sure you aren’t getting walked on and loosing more then your winning. 

Just like the world needs good people, good people deserve to be surrounded by love and appreciation.

Love yourself, be good, and do great!
Kbeautifulmind

Dam you Desperate House Wives…

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My Sundays are the most boring days of my week, you see even though I work 6 days a week and go to school 4 days a week I like it a bit because it keeps me busy, gives me no time to think about the hard times and over all keeps me moving.

I know its not good to bottle it all up inside because its unhealthy for the human body.
If many of you didn’t know negative stress is the most deadly disease there could be. It is one of the causes for many other diseases to our bodies and its one of the most horrible feelings in the world. I say one of the most because I honestly think a heart break might be worse.

It’s probably the main cause of my moms cancer since she has lived her hole life in stress and working hard to give us a decent living.

Anyway, Sundays are so boring I rarly have anything to do at work that I sit here and fiddle with my phone, play candy crush or go on my social media apps or pin on pintrest till Im tired of it. As I do that Ill watch a movie on Netflix or a new show series. You would think I’d take this time to do some homework but I can’t seem to concentrate on homework when Im here. Ironic I know, but it really really gets that boring. This morning I painted my nails and at the same time continued to watch the TV show series of “Desperate House Wives” I like this show because although some of it may seem a bit “stupid” there is always a lesson or some kind of knot that ties the hole episode together and gives it a meaning.
This morning I saw an episode of season 5 called “The best thing that ever could have happened” Basically the episode ties around the story of a “handy man” who came to wisteria lane the street where all these rich wives and their husbands live in and asked one of them for a job, he slowly made his way around the block and made his business grow. Although the guy could fix anything what truly got him all his jobs was the big heart he carried in his cheast. The man was not only a handy man but also a wonderful friend that sadly these ladies didn’t notice as much as they should have. He would give them great advise and help them with more then just a lock, or a window or a clogged sink. Anyway the man died of a heart attack and the hole episode the ladies would remember how he helped them. They began to realize how wonderful he was as a person not just a great handy man.
Anyway the episode brought me to tears like dramatic big fat water fall tears that I was very glad in that moment how slow work was on Sundays. Ha ha

I mean if you know me well, you know that I am a BIG cry baby, yes I am. I cry to the lion king, every love story in a film and I own many of them on DVD and no matter how many times I watch them I ALWAYS cry. It’s something I don’t know where I picked it up from because my father was as cold as the North Pole and my mom is not really emotional either. She always says that “crying isn’t going to fix anything”
Anyway I cried for her actually. I cried because my mom has a heart as big as that handy man on the show and she has always been such a great friend and helping hand to so many people.

I honestly use to hate it. I would get so mad at her that she’d always be going the extra mile for all of her “so called” friends. Most of them till this day have not realized how great she is. From rides, to a place to stay, advise and even driving a friend home once after catching her cheating husband at some bar at 2 in the morning. I would get mad at her because I felt they didn’t appreciate her and most of them really didn’t. 
One day I remember telling her “Ugh! You are so annoying why do you go out of your way for your stupid ungrateful friends? Your always doing anything to help them and when the hell do they ask you how your doing?” She laughed at me and said “I know, I know shut up already”

Then one night a couple of years back I got home from a very annoying night of driving around a group of drunk boys that were old friends/acquaintances.

She laughed when I walked in and said “Don’t you work tomorrow? And need to drive all the way back to Northridge?” “I said yes, why do you ask?”
and that’s when she said to me…
“You see in some ways you are as “annoying” as I am. You sit here and always ask me why I do so much for all these so called “friends” of mine but here you are coming in late because your friends were drunk so they needed a designative driver. And if you haven’t notice your always one to offer help to your friends and loved ones. You practically give your life for the guy your in love with and would do anything to make life easier for those around you no matter how hard your life is. So tell me do they ever ask you how your doing? Feeling? If times are hard or not? Probably not!
You see Kelsey it’s not that your dumb or trying to be “annoying” but its just that some of us were born with big hearts and the patience and ability to help people. We hurt for others when they are in pain and we feel that we must help anyone in need. Now weather you enjoy it or not which in your case you don’t. However you’ll come to a time in your life when you’ll realize that as annoying as it is or weather people appreciate it or not you know you are doing a good thing. You know that you couldn’t just walk away and make your drunk friends find their own ride or even worse drive them selves. But most of all you’ll know that god gave you a big heart for a reason and although at times you may dread helping others because you feel they don’t appreciate it or take advantage of you. When that day comes you wont care because you are a caring, helping person like your mom and you’ll be okay helping others because in that moment you’ll know that this is the special gift that god gave you and you will know he watches our every move. When that time comes just remember that one who gives will always receive even if it is not directly from the same person.”

I cried to this episode of Desperate House Wives because I finally had that moment. I was so proud to see how I have grown, proud to know that my moms good ways have rubbed off on me. Although I get annoyed with people very easily and I can’t stand ungrateful jerks that don’t notice how much you care about them and what you would do to make them happy. In that moment I realized that she was right. I dont regret driving drunk friends around. Opening my home to an old friend I saw as my sister who later betrayed me by saying my family was a group of losers who couldn’t financially keep themselves stabled. I dont regret going out of my way for anyone even dropping my entire life for a guy I saw the rest of my life with. Because from all of those experiences I did get something back in return. I grew and I learned to better appreciate life around me, to appreciate those who were still by my side, to learn from my own mistakes and regrets and to make a pact with god that as long as I live and I can I will continue to help those around me because someday they will notice and if they don’t Ill be at peace because I know he does.

Being a big cry baby like always;
Kbeautifulmind.