Dam you Desperate House Wives…

My Sundays are the most boring days of my week, you see even though I work 6 days a week and go to school 4 days a week I like it a bit because it keeps me busy, gives me no time to think about the hard times and over all keeps me moving.

I know its not good to bottle it all up inside because its unhealthy for the human body.
If many of you didn’t know negative stress is the most deadly disease there could be. It is one of the causes for many other diseases to our bodies and its one of the most horrible feelings in the world. I say one of the most because I honestly think a heart break might be worse.

It’s probably the main cause of my moms cancer since she has lived her hole life in stress and working hard to give us a decent living.

Anyway, Sundays are so boring I rarly have anything to do at work that I sit here and fiddle with my phone, play candy crush or go on my social media apps or pin on pintrest till Im tired of it. As I do that Ill watch a movie on Netflix or a new show series. You would think I’d take this time to do some homework but I can’t seem to concentrate on homework when Im here. Ironic I know, but it really really gets that boring. This morning I painted my nails and at the same time continued to watch the TV show series of “Desperate House Wives” I like this show because although some of it may seem a bit “stupid” there is always a lesson or some kind of knot that ties the hole episode together and gives it a meaning.
This morning I saw an episode of season 5 called “The best thing that ever could have happened” Basically the episode ties around the story of a “handy man” who came to wisteria lane the street where all these rich wives and their husbands live in and asked one of them for a job, he slowly made his way around the block and made his business grow. Although the guy could fix anything what truly got him all his jobs was the big heart he carried in his cheast. The man was not only a handy man but also a wonderful friend that sadly these ladies didn’t notice as much as they should have. He would give them great advise and help them with more then just a lock, or a window or a clogged sink. Anyway the man died of a heart attack and the hole episode the ladies would remember how he helped them. They began to realize how wonderful he was as a person not just a great handy man.
Anyway the episode brought me to tears like dramatic big fat water fall tears that I was very glad in that moment how slow work was on Sundays. Ha ha

I mean if you know me well, you know that I am a BIG cry baby, yes I am. I cry to the lion king, every love story in a film and I own many of them on DVD and no matter how many times I watch them I ALWAYS cry. It’s something I don’t know where I picked it up from because my father was as cold as the North Pole and my mom is not really emotional either. She always says that “crying isn’t going to fix anything”
Anyway I cried for her actually. I cried because my mom has a heart as big as that handy man on the show and she has always been such a great friend and helping hand to so many people.

I honestly use to hate it. I would get so mad at her that she’d always be going the extra mile for all of her “so called” friends. Most of them till this day have not realized how great she is. From rides, to a place to stay, advise and even driving a friend home once after catching her cheating husband at some bar at 2 in the morning. I would get mad at her because I felt they didn’t appreciate her and most of them really didn’t.
One day I remember telling her “Ugh! You are so annoying why do you go out of your way for your stupid ungrateful friends? Your always doing anything to help them and when the hell do they ask you how your doing?” She laughed at me and said “I know, I know shut up already”

Then one night a couple of years back I got home from a very annoying night of driving around a group of drunk boys that were old friends/acquaintances.

She laughed when I walked in and said “Don’t you work tomorrow? And need to drive all the way back to Northridge?” “I said yes, why do you ask?”
and that’s when she said to me…
“You see in some ways you are as “annoying” as I am. You sit here and always ask me why I do so much for all these so called “friends” of mine but here you are coming in late because your friends were drunk so they needed a designative driver. And if you haven’t notice your always one to offer help to your friends and loved ones. You practically give your life for the guy your in love with and would do anything to make life easier for those around you no matter how hard your life is. So tell me do they ever ask you how your doing? Feeling? If times are hard or not? Probably not!
You see Kelsey it’s not that your dumb or trying to be “annoying” but its just that some of us were born with big hearts and the patience and ability to help people. We hurt for others when they are in pain and we feel that we must help anyone in need. Now weather you enjoy it or not which in your case you don’t. However you’ll come to a time in your life when you’ll realize that as annoying as it is or weather people appreciate it or not you know you are doing a good thing. You know that you couldn’t just walk away and make your drunk friends find their own ride or even worse drive them selves. But most of all you’ll know that god gave you a big heart for a reason and although at times you may dread helping others because you feel they don’t appreciate it or take advantage of you. When that day comes you wont care because you are a caring, helping person like your mom and you’ll be okay helping others because in that moment you’ll know that this is the special gift that god gave you and you will know he watches our every move. When that time comes just remember that one who gives will always receive even if it is not directly from the same person.”

I cried to this episode of Desperate House Wives because I finally had that moment. I was so proud to see how I have grown, proud to know that my moms good ways have rubbed off on me. Although I get annoyed with people very easily and I can’t stand ungrateful jerks that don’t notice how much you care about them and what you would do to make them happy. In that moment I realized that she was right. I dont regret driving drunk friends around. Opening my home to an old friend I saw as my sister who later betrayed me by saying my family was a group of losers who couldn’t financially keep themselves stabled. I dont regret going out of my way for anyone even dropping my entire life for a guy I saw the rest of my life with. Because from all of those experiences I did get something back in return. I grew and I learned to better appreciate life around me, to appreciate those who were still by my side, to learn from my own mistakes and regrets and to make a pact with god that as long as I live and I can I will continue to help those around me because someday they will notice and if they don’t Ill be at peace because I know he does.

Being a big cry baby like always;
Kbeautifulmind.

Root of Origin

“Why did you start your blog? Is that still why you blog, or has your site gone in a different direction than you’d planned?”

I’d have to say my starting point for my blog was to be a sholder for someone to cry on, a friend to listen, or over all just someone to vent to for anyone who came across my blog.
After all they say its easier for most people to let out steem or express them selves to a total stranger then to someone close to them.

Why?

Well you see I feel its because its your inner voice saying “If you dont know them therefor what they think of you doesn’t matter”

I mean think about it most of us are watching what we say, do, wear, or how we appear to others because we are afraid of judgment or negative feedback.

I personally feel “Who Cares” if they truly care and understand they will listen and have your back and if they judge you or criticize then maybe they shouldn’t matter to you as much as they do right?

Well anyways that was the idea of my blog a “helping” hand but…

Then I realized that the truth was that I needed to let some steem off myself, I needed some one to read and just nod like they get it even if they didn’t and not say anything at all. To be completely honest I have to say I love to listen and give advise and be your friend but for the most part I dont like advise myself! I just want someone to listen and thats it… ironic I know (sigh)

Anyways then in late November 2012 my mom got diagnosed with Lung Cancer and I just wanted to tell my story. My new purpose of my blog was to vent and just share with everyone what I was going through because I knew that someone out there had to be going through this too; They had to be! And if I could connect with someone and help them as I help myself; That was good enough for me.

So I don’t know if my blog has gone on a different direction then I planned or if my purpose was always the same but what I do know is my blog is a page where I’d like for anyone to go on it and say “Finally someone who understands me!” and for them to know that if they need me Im only an email away!

and that my friends is the only reason I need to continue to write!♥

Sending happy thoughts your way;
Kbeautifulmind

Inspired by: The daily prompt

Anything rushed has a chance of failure…

I threw a surprise babyshower for my sister yesterday and to my experience it all worked out and looked wonderful!:)
After the party was over and we finished cleaning up my family and I along with my uncle and auntie and other family members sat around just hanging out.
My uncles wife said to me..
“Wow Kelsey this was the nicest shower Ive ever been to, you really have an eye for creativity when is it your turn?”
Of course I burst out in laughter that I almost spit out the water I was drinking…
and I said to her…
“Anything rushed has a chance of failure, my boyfriend and I have only been together for a year and a half, you dont truly know someone at a year and a half and starting a life together right now would be stupid…”
Well everyones ears went up and my uncle said “Your grandma got married at 15 years old had 16 of us and only loved one man and was with one man till the day he died… your 23, in mexico people would be wondering whats wrong with you?”
I just laughed and said “well maybe I’m a weird tio” and ended the conversation there…
Talking to them would be setting myself up for a head ache and annoyance because they are so old school its either that or ignorant (no offense I still love them all)
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that all people that get married young or have kids at a young age are setting them selves up for failure but what I am saying is that you shouldn’t have to rush into anything thats real when its real it just happens and it will stay that way no matter what happeneds.
When love is true it lives in your heart forever no matter what…

“Rushing to live for the now instead of looking to live for forever” is the mistake many people in todays generation are making…

And thats why divorce has increased to the extream in this decade…

Although Im so excited for my soon to come niece, my sister can vouch for me that when she told me she was pregnant I flipped, and her and her boyfriend have been together for over 5 years now but I still believed they should have waited.

You see I believe that LOVE is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have known each other for a quarter of a century. However Im not stating that I’m going to wait a quarter of a century to have kids or get married but I am going to make sure before I take any of these steps that the love I have with me is a gift not a need. I’m going to make sure that Im getting married or having kids with the person that I’m with for all the right reasons, not for money or benefits, or to rush into it because I want to get married and have a big pretty wedding, and definetly not because Im trying to fill in a hole that is empty and is telling my body that there is something missing.
And Im definetly not going to rush and have kids because I want to be a “young” mom or rush into getting married because Im getting “old”

You see I came from a family with a single mom, my dad left when I was five and my step dad was around for many years but that also fell apart.

My mom didnt know my father for more than 2 years before they decided to conceive me and although her and my step dad dated for a long time because of his job he was never really around for her to really get to know him…

I want my life to take a diffrent path, I want my kids to know their father and I want to get home to a husband I can kiss who after all the kids and years passed I could still be in-love with and be happy with.
I dont want to be unhappy sleeping in a separate bed before our 25 year anniversary and I dont want to be sharing custody and arguing who has the kids next weekend.

I know that waiting doesn’t guarantee success in marriage or motherhood, however I believe that to know the hole beautiful story a book has to tell you must read every single chapter and page. Therefore same goes with relationships you have to be apart of different chapters in someone’s life to see how they act and grow in order to write your own book of that story…

Wishing all the best in every chapter;
Kbeautifulmind

Short hair because I care.

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”-Unknown

I cut my hair today!
My purpose ….. to donate it!
and the fact that I’ll feel less hot is a plus of course.
My hair was extreamly long all the way down pass my bottom and now its sholder lenght.
So as you guys can read and see well the truth Im surprised I didn’t cry…
My hair was so long my friends thought I was crazy for cutting it, “you’ll regret it” they said…
But the truth it felt wonderful, I felt a relief, I felt brave and helpful!
It’s my first time donating so I had no idea what to do but seems like I figured it out and “Lock of Love” is going to get this pretty long hair for a even prettier strong little girl♥
When I think of someone else wearing my hair it actually excites me, maybe ill be someones beautiful prom hair due, or picture day or something.
What makes me feel good is that someone out there will be happy and be able to get their mind off the pain for a moment.
I pray that god countines to stand by the side of all our Cancer fighters and may he lead them all along the path of survival.
I thank him for allowing my mom to continue to be by my side and may she continue to have strength to fight on. May he give us peace even when times are hard, may he unite us even more.

I hope Lock of Love puts my hair to good use.

Kbeautifulmind

What truly matters

“You are beautiful no matter what they say”

I never been one to care for judgment, weather I was called ugly or fat, or pretty and sexy. The truth my appearance has always been more of a personal thing the only thing that I kept to myself. I can honestly say I get ready for me, and it is so personal that I even prefer to shop alone.

However I have my moments when I see girls that are thinner and that’s my weakness… ha ha.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”

I always thought this saying was very funny, however my feelings on this subject are mutual.

You see… If its someone that I don’t know or have any feelings for, well it doesn’t matter to me what they have to say I actually find it very funny and I cant help but laugh.

But when it comes to someone that I truly care about, someone who holds a piece of my heart no matter the circumstances anything can hurt my feelings. But I’ll admit Im so fast at brushing it off and moving forward.
A “wise” guy once told me I was a horrible person and a manipulator always trying to mold people to my own ways and so selfish that I would let go of some of the “BEST” friendships I could have ever had…
I actually let this get to me I was so sad I truly began to wonder if I was that bad of a person.
For a while I thought I really couldn’t keep friends since I no longer had a big “group” of oh so wonderful people by my side, and I thought of the people that were around for short terms and said maybe I did screw that up? But than one day it clicked…. I had met a girl who I thought would be my friend for a long time and she got upset and didn’t want to be my friend anymore because I couldn’t make it to an event do to work one night, that night I told myself “Oh god I really can’t keep friends can I?” And laughed it off because I didn’t realize I already have the best friends I could ever ask for. You see the wise guy was talking about a group of people who were never my friends, two quote on quote “good friends” One of them was a bit selfish and without realizing it used me to give her rides and to cover up for her while the hole time I just truly needed her to listen to me and support me. The other a true emotional reck who envied everything others had and accidentally called me with out knowing as she talked bad about me in the back ground ha ha yeah some friend! Now the hater who wanted my life/relationship is claiming to be “Best Friends” with this wise guy? Than as I left that life behind me than came the girl who ended up being a back stabbing big ol’ slut than came another girl who was mad because little old me had to work. But the best part of it all is that Ive had my good friends by my side all along a handful of people with class, strength, ambition to succeed and the ability to understand and know that we can no longer have sleep overs and talk on the phone about boys/girls and clothes all day and that sometimes we might go days or months with out talking but that no matter what our friendship is as true as the land we walk on everyday.
Today my mom said to me “You know hun I remember not so long ago you were an emotional reck in serious believe that god was punishing you do to stupid things in life that had no worth! And after we found out about my cancer I feel like you have really changed for the better at not allowing the smallest things bother you even if they are said by someone who owns your heart or is/was a big part of your life. You have always been this strong I just feel like you had lost it and I can truly say this is the strongest and most confident Ive ever seen you in a long time!”
The truth I have found to know that when friendships, relationships or just life it’s self falls upon you and tares you apart (so it seems) it doesn’t mean that your a “horrible” person it just means that your a picky person, someone who knows her/his value and what you deserve still going out of your way to giving the opportunity to people to change and if they don’t than let them free to do and be who they please.
I wouldn’t call that trying to mold people…
I could be wrong, but what I do know is that when you give your life, trust, and unconditional love to those people in your life and all you want is the same thing… It really isn’t that much to ask for, its actually what truly matters.
Thanks for reading;
Kbeautifulmind