Tag: happiness

A promise to my goddaughter

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Today is my niece’s 1st Birthday! I’ll never forget the day her mommy told me she was pregnant. I freaked out!!!
I was very up set with her and could not believe what I was hearing. Instead of being her friend and listening I turned into an angry big sister/mom. I told her she was such a dummy and if she had not learned enough from everything we suffered growing up in a house hold where we didn’t have much not even enough time with our momma.
I told her… “Do you not remember all we had to do? Pretty much raising ourselves because she had to go to work all the time? You can’t bring a baby into this world right now! Look at what you guys have to offer “her”… NOTHING!”
And even though my sister was annoyed she said she knew a lecture was coming when she told me. All she did was find humor in it and said “So you think it’s a Her?”
I could have killed her in that moment, always so dam stubborn.
However even though I thought I was right, I now see I wasn’t.
And I’d like to take this moment to say sorry. Not just to my sister but to my niece who I love so much. I’m sorry pretty girls.

Dear Audrina,
Happy 1st Birthday!🎉🎀
I love you very much and I could never imagine life with out you. I remember the day god brought you into this world like it was yesterday. First of all you kept us waiting like crazy, I remember spending the whole night up waiting for you to arrive and you never came, finally as I was coming back to the hospital from the first day of school your gamma called me to tell me you were on your way! I drove like a crazy lady and rushed to the hospital. I made it just in time as they came out to tell us you were finally here. I felt like a new little piece of hope, love, happiness and joy filled my heart and I knew right then and there as I looked into your beautiful (yet very swollen) eyes that I was going to love you more then anyone I’ve ever loved before. You were my niece and I was so happy that you were here. As you’ll know when you are old enough to understand we as a family were going through alot when we found out about you. Gamma (Nana) was very sick and is now no longer with us but I honestly  am so glad the Lord has put you in our lives to help us find peace and happiness with your silliness and to warm our hearts with all your love😍
I don’t have much to offer you (yet) but I promise I will be the best Nina you will ever have. Like I promised Grandma before she left us; I will always protect you, help you to the best of my ability with anything you need, love you no matter what you do or don’t do, and make sure you always know how beautiful and important you are. I promise to always try and lead you down the right path. I also promise to always help you, listen and understand you in case you make any mistakes. I promise you that as long as I live you will always have a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on.
But most of all I promise to love you with all my heart and soul.
I love you mucho Drina-winnaa, mi bolita de masita, mi gorda preciosa💕
Your favorite Auntie;
Kelsey🌻

Hating

Hating…

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Hating:
When one puts down the success or fortune of others due to jealousy.

See hater, hatorade
She is “hating” on me because I won the lottery and she didn’t.
Urbandictionary.com

We all do it…
“My X-boyfriends girl looks like a transvestite.”
“My new boyfriend’s X has the mouth of a horse.”
“She’s fat.”
“She is to skinny”
“My x-girlfriends new man looks like a whimp”
“He swears like he is hot”
“He is too buff, he takes steroids”
“Too skinny… tweaker for sure!”
“What is he/she wearing”
“He/She is fake, that’s not how they were in High School”
“He/she is just a follower, following the trend”
“I don’t like her/him… just because”

And it goes on and on and on….

Can you say guilty? I’ve probably said or at least thought one of these a couple of times in my life and that’s normal.
We ALL do it!
And for those of you that are pretending you don’t then you probably also say things like…

“EWW, I’m not fake, I don’t talk shit I say it to your face”

I call BULL SHIT.

Yes bull because if you walked around telling everyone you saw what you thought of them… well let’s just say it wouldn’t be a pretty picture.

We all keep things to ourselves and always look at someone and some how can seem to find one thing that we don’t like. We are human and it is bound to happen and that is okay.
I mean we even do it to ourselves we are never fully happy with how we look, feel, or where we are in life. We seem to always want more…

So even though hating is a horrible thing it is sadly almost natural but what makes it natural and what makes it not okay?

Well thats what I want to write about, the “not okay” which would be saying it to their face or out loud for them to hear, or posting it on social media with their name attached to it.

First of all why are you waisting your time? Stop being a Bully!

The reason for this subject was because I was inspired by a situation I saw on social media a couple of weeks ago. Not only could I not believe what I was reading but I could not believe that people still do this at our age. I mean drama in high school was one thing but now at age 24? Who cares what others are doing, look like, act like?
Mind your own business! 

 I have a friend from High school who has changed A LOT since our younger days. She was never “big” or anything but has definitely become more fit and over all just seems healthy spiritually and physically.
Even though “fitness” does seem to be the trend now in days she was one of the first people I notice changing her life for the better and she has honestly been such an inspiration. I always catch myself looking at her pictures where she is doing all these crazy moves and I’m always wondering “Dam how the hell does she even bend like that? That’s awesome!”

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The other day I was scrowling through my Facebook time line when I saw she had posted this absolutely beautiful picture that over all just captured her and everything she has become… 

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I mean come on isn’t it awesome?

Well if you look closely at her pictures not only is she in amazing shape but she seems to have hair on her arms. Something that honestly only a hater or someone looking for something wrong would spot in these pictures.
And if you already guessed… then you guessed right! Someone did see it, and actually dared to say something to her about it.

This person dared to comment on her picture and say…
“Is that hair on your arms? You are too manly!”

I honestly could not believe what I was reading…

I mean honestly we are humans,  mammals to be exact hair on our body just is. Yes it’s true that most of us wax and shave or thread but isn’t that our own business or decision to make?

I seriously could not help but laugh at such ignorance, but I will say I was so so proud of how she delt with it.

Any one else would have probably freaked out, maybe take the picture down or start waxing/shaving their arms but instead she said
“Of course I have hairy arms I’m Latina”
Can you say classic come back!
You go girl!
She also replied to the ignorance with this…

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“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
This is me. And I love every part of who I am.
I usually don’t care what people say about me… but I feel like I should say something. Yesterday, I posted a photo and someone asked me if that was “air” (he meant hair) on my arms and that I look too manly cause of my muscles. I was shocked that one of my so called “friends” on fb would actually say something like that to me. My first reaction was actually me laughing at him. I really couldn’t believe that he looked for something negative to say about my photo. Now he didn’t really get to me like I thought he would have, but he did make me think…. Wow… there are SO many BOYS in this world just like him, and say these things (even worse) to women everywhere; You’re too fat, too skinny, you have a flat ass, no boobs. blah blah blah…. and that is why women feel that they are supposed to look a certain way to be considered pretty, beautiful, gorgeous or hot, whatever the hell you wanna call it. YES I have hair on my arms, I don’t have a fat ass, big boobs, or any of that shit. I could care less If I ever have any of that. I am an athlete, I love to lift, practice yoga and cook. Aesthetics are the last thing running through my mind. I love me first and that is why I am happy. I don’t look for happiness everywhere else. I don’t look for approval from the whole world. Neither should any one else. Women need to stand up for themselves and be YOU. Someone says something to try and bring u down… then tell em to kick rocks. They aren’t worthy of your time. Stay true to yourself♡
Sorry for writing a whole freakin story. Just had to get that off my tiny chest:) ♡” -Cynthia Rodriguez

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen if your hating stop it, or do it secretly but don’t do or say things to try and hurt others because you end up looking like the idiot.
If you are a victim of such ignorance remember that you are beautiful no matter what others say. That confidence over shines everything as long as you have it. It’s also not worth it to worry about what other people think because no matter what you do they will always find something wrong.

Love yourself!

Thanks for reading;
Kbeautifulmind

(This post was written with permission of Cynthia Rodriguez)

F-a-t-h-e-r

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Last night…

I had the most interesting dream.

In it, I was six years old…

in a national spelling bee.

Feeling like a genius as I spelled complex words….

duodenum….

serendipity…..

floccinaucinihilipilification….

up until the final round

one word between me and victory

the spell master clears his throat

young lady your word is father

the crowd began to chatter amongst themselves

seemingly displeased

at the simplicity of this final word

I searched for those eyes

those eyes that say

“every things going to be ok, just do it”

And there she was, as beautiful as always…

I dazed off

young lady!

your word is father

I stood up straight, looked at her and began

father, m-o-t-h-e-r, father…

the spell master looks at me,

down at his flash card,

back up at me,

“sorry but you are incorrect”

I don’t understand…

My father is sitting right in the audience

“excuse me?”

“I am sorry young lady but you are incorrect”

well then,

you can save your sorry apologies

because you must mean “in-correct”

as in within the parameters of being right.

let me explain something to you

cuz obviously you did not grow up

where “father’s” are donors

just a human being who donates the soil to make the seed grow

and when he’s gone

all he’s left us

was alone

where minstrel men stroll around off sight

while fathers balanced their menstrual,

3 jobs,

4 kids

and a life

on a unicycle

and it looks something like this:

breastfeeding on one arm

phone on the shoulder

cooking with the other arm

cleaning with one leg

tying sneakers with their teeth

young fathers

who make mistakes to think that love lived in their place, before he left

But we are not all perfect and they learned to live

And the one mistake they never make

is abandoning their seeds

you see fathers

are master gardeners

they tend to every leaf

removing the weeds

placing us in the windows of opportunity

so that we can lean towards the sun

and never forget that the sky is the limit

planting kisses on our cheeks

hugs on our backs

growing their love on us

the best way they know how

like my father

my father, sacrificed owning nothing,

so that I may have everything

my father, walked a daily nightmare

so that I may live out my dreams

my father watered me

with blood sweat and tears

so that I may be ripe

for the harvest

and I hope that one day

I can grow up to be as great a father

as she was for me

you did not ask me to spell deadbeat sir…

but if you want dead beat here it is:

f-a-t-h-e-r,
d-a-d,
d-a-d-d-y,
p-o-p,
p-o-p-s,
if you want the slang

And if you want an actual name…

F-r-a-n-k

you asked me to spell father

and father is, and always has been,

and always will be spelled…

m-o-t-h-e-r

so get your encyclopedias,

show me your flash cards

open your dictionary

cuz what webster says

means nothing around here

around here,

my father is sitting right there…

and I love her.

Because with out my father, with out her, I wouldn’t be standing here in front of you today.

Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful, wonder woman who is now in Heaven watching over me♡

I love you momma 🙂

Kbeautifulmind

-This entire poem did not originate with me, it is a remake of a poem I once heard.
Thank you for reading…

My Recipe to a Successful Relationship

I use to believe that being in the perfect relationship or being the perfect couple only needed one ingredient; Love.
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However, as you mature and get older you come to realize that sometimes love is really not enough. Sometimes there is more that is needed for a good recipe, and even then it might not be perfect.
You see, a relationship takes up a lot of time and attention. It requires good amount of effort and consideration. But we don’t realize that at the beginning because we are so blinded by what I like to call the “honey moon stage.” When we like some one or better yet love someone, you experience a happiness like no other, those wonderful butterfly’s that make you feel like you are on top of the world! Unfortunately as happy as that person once made you, they can also become the number one reason of a misery you thought you’d never experience. Because after the honeymoon stage there is always a little chance of it all going sour.

This leads me to my recipe on the subject, which is really quite simple. First make sure you are in love or if not “in” love then make sure you Love and really care about the person. If there is no love it probably won’t last very long. Love can not be forced; we can’t work towards falling in love, if we could they wouldn’t call it “falling” in love. You don’t have complete control over whom you fall in love with and or how long that love will last. Therefor if you are trying to force it what ever your reasons may be, then it won’t work out, it just won’t.
The next ingredient is Accept as well as comprehending everything about your partner. You must really get to know the person, do not get fooled by the butterfly’s you are feeling. Ask your self “Who is he/she when I’m not looking?” “Do I like what they are/represent?”
A guy I once dated told me “You don’t even know me anymore.” I’ll admit that in that moment I disagreed with him. How could two people that had been friends for over 8 years and dated for about half of that not know each other? I had devoted so much time, and years to this relationship that I couldn’t believe this was true. Later I realized he was right; that’s what I had been fighting for I wanted him to get to know me again because he didn’t know me either. I mean it’s not like we didn’t know each other at all, because we did at one point. For God sakes we are sitting right next to each other in our pre-school pictures, to me this love seemed like destiny like It was meant to be because I had never loved anyone so much. But we fell a part because we were both changing and growing, and as you grow your way of thinking or seeing things doesn’t always stay the same. If you don’t continue to get to know each other and keep up, then you will grow a part. Therefore we must accept that we all change; the desires your partner has now won’t be the same in the next 5-15 years, they just won’t. That’s when you’ll decide if you want to learn to accept and comprehend this new person instead of loosing them. Just remember once you loose them it’s rare when you can get them back, make sure this is a risk your willing to take you don’t want to end up living in regret.
My third ingredient is Sharing; I’m sure you have all heard the saying “sharing is caring” which comes from the idea that if you care about someone or a group of people you’ll be willing to share some of your “things” with them. In relationships this saying is very, very true. First off, if you’re keeping things from them it’s bound to fail. However for the most part if you are serious about this person and are committed you must realize that you are now a part of a “TEAM” and as a team player you can’t keep the plays, moves or tricks from the rest of the team and expect to win. However it also takes two to tango and if one person is sharing and trying but the other doesn’t care then it’s not a lot of fun as you start feeling alone. Just make sure you share and also listen to their sharing and it will be so much fun. Share your dreams, fears, desires, what excites you, what turns you on, and even what pisses you off.
Don’t ask…
“How was your day?”
Ask…
“How was your mathematic class?”
“What did you do at work today?”
“What’s on your mind?”
Not only will open questions force your lover to open up to you but it will bring you guys closer together, making your relationship better.
For my last ingredient but probably the most important is Trust. Trusting your significant other is a absolute must in a relationship. I know, I know this is the hardest one yet. I struggle from it really bad as I’ve programmed myself not to trust anyone because I once was so gullible and I’d always get hurt or screwed over. Therefore by experience I know that it’s hard but I have also learned that there is still good people out there, so I don’t let it take over my life or relationship. Don’t be the girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife who calls 24-7.
“You got off from work 5 minutes ago, where are you?”
“No you can not go to that bar for guys night, there is a lot of women there. I trust you but I don’t trust them.”
First of all that whole “I trust you but I don’t trust them” is BS. Yes there is dirty women out there that seem to be attracted by the wedding band or the “I have a girlfriend” line, however just remember “It takes two to tango”.
If someone is going to cheat or back stab you they’ll do it no matter how many times you call, text, yell or how short you keep the leash. If they screw you over it’s their lost. But also if they don’t give you the attention you deserve then they pushed you. All situations are different but if it has gotten to that point, I only have two words… MOVE ON.
Just remember not to let fear and jealousy interfere because a relationship like that isn’t healthy. Not only will you psych yourself out, but you’ll be that annoying couple no one likes to really hang out with because they got tired of hearing…
“You like her? Go get her, I saw you staring! I’m sure if I wasn’t here you probably would!”
No matter what your reasons for acting that way may be, don’t do it unless you want to drive yourself to miserie.
It’s very simple folks, it only takes those main ingredients and a little bit of your own twist to it. If two people put in the effort this recipe will help make your relationship LAST.

Love.Accept.Share.Trust.

Playing cupid;
Kbeautifulmind

Imagine a day…

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Imagine a day when they found the cure
not to the common cold or flu,
but to that ugly diseases that breaks us apart.
The one that doesn’t discriminate and can attack anyone, with no sign of existence or a warning of some kind.
Imagine there is no cancer,
As easy as it sounds,
No pain or suffering,
Or waiting just to die.
Imagine all the people,
No matter what their age,
kids, parents and teens,
Living worry free.
With out that ticking time bomb,
that no one else can see.
You might think I’m a dreamer,
but I’m not the only one,
Every single victim wishes it was gone.
Imagine a day when they found the cure,
oh how wonderful that would be.

Kbeautifulmind.

Bless their kind hearts♡

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Hello everyone!
As you all may know if you know me personally or have been a regular visitor to my blog I am currently fighting cancer along side with my mom.
I have to say it’s one of the hardest things I have ever been through.
Recently my mom got very sick and had to make a visit to the ER, a place we hadn’t been to in a couple of months.This made me so sad being there again knowing she was in pain.
She had so much pain in her back and leg that she couldn’t take it. After being tested and what not the doctor had told us that the cancer was now making its way into the bones causing my mom that pain as well as slowly breaking them.
Even though he exaggerated a bit he had the right concept.
So I spoke to her doctor asking what was next and how could we get started ASAP!
He told me about a treatment of $4,000 and a couple of radiation sessions for the back and hip that can range from $1,500-$3,000 with her current coverage…
Of course as annoyed as we all ready are with this hole MEDICAL bull $*&t, I was even more annoyed at the fact that realistically I wasn’t going to have that money any time soon!!!
So I took a day and sat around to think about it…
“Maybe I’ll start playing the Lottery?”
“I can pull out a loan?”
“Write a letter to a radio station or Oprah?”
“A third job might be more realistic… but when will I have time to help my mom out?”
“A fundraiser page? Donations? That’s like begging I don’t think so, I hate pity…”

As I stressed on it the next day wondering what I was going to do I decided to swallow my pride and I guess you can say “ask for help” I looked into a couple of websites and finally found the right one. I lingered some more and swallowed my pride and gave it a try!

I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears after only a couple of days. The support was coming from everywhere!

It started with mostly family members, closed friends and loved ones.

Then a couple of strangers who don’t really know me but some how saw my kind heart and my struggle in this battle to help my momma out.

Then of course there was a couple people that caught me by surprise people I dated once, was friends with once, people who talked crap about me and or to me, but hey they still donated so they must have liked me at some point in their lives or just knew the kindness in my heart. It could also be pity which I knew I’d get… but it’s fine.

All I knew is the support is non stop, I’m getting lots of kind messages, and calls from people that I don’t even know or talk to much and it’s amazing!

My close loved once have took the time to also re-post my link and spread the word. I have a friend doing a “Cut for Cure” at her Salon to help me raise money! And over all everyone is giving me all these helping hands.
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I’d like to say…
Bless their kind hearts!

Because it honestly took so much out of me to even think of trying this, to even believe it was okay. My mother is the most independent warrior I know and she raised me to be the same. This battle has been so hard for me that I knew it was time to ask for a hand. The number of helping hands I have received have been more then I expected.

We and I say (WE) not (I) because I couldn’t have done this alone, have raised a total of $2,300 in a matter of 6 days!!!!
Can you say amazing!?!?!?

I’d just like to say thank you to all my supporters, donors, and readers! May God bless you all with a beautiful healthy life. If you have a minute please continue to share my link:
http://www.gofundme.com/6ezk9c
And help me raise money to get my mom on treatment as soon as possible!

Grateful;
Kbeautifulmind

Can we get 6,000…?

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It’s Friday after noon and I just called my mom to see how she was doing?
She is a bit better today, her back no longer hurts but she can barely walk, because the pain on the leg is still very strong.
We got a hold of the doctor after we left the hospital and clearly I was right (read my last post) the doctor at emergency over exaggerated a bit. I mean he wasn’t lying, yes cancer in the bone eventually eats up at the bones causing them to collapse. However my mom isn’t quiet there yet. The doctor said her cancer had not grown or moved compared to the last scan he did and that as long as we acted on it we can buy her some time.

Our next issue is the Medi-Cal, my mom has been waiting for an approval for full coverage for over a year now and every time it gets denied….

“She make to “much money!”” they say….

Yet she has no income at all coming in right now… Does that make any sense?

Anyway, as of now my mom has a monthly deductible of 1000 for any medical care that’s not including her treatments and medication.

Therefor even though the doctor has suggested a treatment that can prolong her life and radiation to decrease the pain, we have to either wait or get about $6,000 together to get things started.

Well as you all may predict my mouth dropped as I shead tears knowing there was no way I could get $6,000. My mom told me to stop crying “things will work out for the best.” Even though I appreciate her strength and I am glad she is so positive, I knew in that moment things won’t fall into place any time soon. Unless I could get $6,000 soon. I knew there was no way I was going to win the lottery or meet some one super wealthy that wouldn’t mind just giving me 6,000 dollars and I knew I couldn’t save that money on top of all the bills I have to pay with the kind of money I make. So I decided to swallow my pride and start a fundraiser. Well its not exactly a fundraiser I guess, it’s more like another way of begging for money which is why I kept questioning it and why I’m keeping it from my mom.
So far I’ve raised 265 dollars just telling a small summary of our crazy life story and if this is going to help get my mom treated faster then so be it. I don’t care if she finds out and gets mad, I don’t care what other’s have to say, I need her here with me and the fact that I can’t make things better kills me inside every single day. Therefore I will do anything to get her that treatment,  even if it’s considered begging.

I’m sorry mom that I am asking others for help but I’m not ready to give in to loosing you just yet and I still can’t handle all of this on my own.

For those of you interested in her status, I’ll keep you updated.

and if you care to donate or maybe even just want to share the link to help me spread the word….

Share this link on your social media pages and ask friends to share too! Let’s raise some money for my mommy! http://www.gofundme.com/6ezk9c

Until next time,
Kbeautifulmind

Oh 2014, the year to start living…

Hi Everyone!
Happy new year!

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Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect. -Alan Cohen

For my first post for 2014 I just want to say “I’m not afraid anymore…” – Home Alone (I love these movies) ha ha.

What I meant by that is…
I been afraid for about three years now. Not just afraid about one thing but about many things.
In 2011 I was heart broken, scarred myself to continue to be afraid of love, trust, and happiness. I was afraid of friendship, new beginnings and moving forward. That lasted until late 2013… sadly to admit. I dwelled on all that had hurt me and on all I had done to hurt others actually making myself believe I was a horrible person… and every time something happened or I got hurt again I’d say “this is my karma”
In 2012 I became more angry then afraid wondering why everyone else around me seemed happy while I was still hurting, then at the very end of 2012 the year smacked me in the face and told me “Kels! Snap out of it, there is other more important thing’s…” as my mom was diagnosed I realized there was more to life, more things to worry about, to value.
In 2013 I had mixed feelings for life and how it all works as I wondered what the point of life was anyway…

However; this year…

I’m not afraid anymore!

I’ve finally took a deep breath, inhaled life for what it has to offer and decided that life goes on past the bad times, the regrets, the mistakes and the sadness and you have to move forward with it.

Times will be hard, sad, stressful and so on but nothing lasts forever so we must live and try to relax through it all.

With god by my side and my faith in him, I know 2014 will be just right.

Small thought;

Kbeautifulmind

Christmas time is really here…

My mom and I bought a Tree today. We love decorating for the holidays, we were both really excited.

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Now that’s good Christmas spirit!

First off, let me start by mentioning I absolutely looovvvvee Christmas.

It is my favorite holiday off all time.
I don’t know what it is, it might be the lights, decorations, the music, the food, my tradition of attending midnight mass or even the mistletoe. 
It can be all of these things or some more then others but the entire idea of Christmas brings me peace and happiness and the excitment to build more memories.

There has only been two Christmas e’s when I’ve ever felt sad, and that was Christmas 2010 and last Christmas in 2012.

Last December we had just found out that my mother had Lung Cancer Stage four and I was wounded with the terrible news. As much as I smiled and showed everyone I was okay, like I always do with any situation… I was hurting. I was mad at god, that I didn’t attend midnight mass. I was worried and so afraid that this might be my last Christmas with my best friend.

Now a year has gone by, and thank god she’s still by our side. She looks so healthy and she’s fighting strong.

This brings me all the christmas joy I need. I know its not forever and no matter who is sick or not tomorrow is still never promised to any of us. However, what I do know is, I am so grateful to have my family here today. I pray tonight to have them again tomorrow by my side and for many more years to come.

Faith is all I need to hope for a wonderful Chritmas this year♡

Happy Holidays;
Kbeautifulmind

When I look into my niece’s eyes…

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You wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that come from the unexpected surprises in our lives…♡

When my sister got pregnant I was mad at her.
I say some pretty mean things when I’m hurt. I mean they do say “Never believe what comes out of a persons mouth when they are mad” or “She/He was mad and didn’t mean it”
and in my case this is very true.
Usually when Im mad I laugh at people or at the situation. Ironic I know but the truth is that making me mad doesn’t happen often in my life; However hurting me can come very easy if you put effort into it well at least if I’ve grown to care about you a lot you can really destroy me emotionally.
For example, hurt me then asked me “Do you still love me?”
and you’ll probably get an “I don’t know” or I’ll make up a good one and tell you “I’ve moved on an put fire to the rain” even if I’m dying inside from all the hurt because I still love you with all my heart.

Sadly I shut down and build a wall and sadly most people haven’t stuck around long enough to break it so I just stay hurt and thats sadly the end of that…

Now piss me off, disappoint me and hurt me and even I am disturbed with what comes out of my mouth… its a very bad habit I am honestly ashamed of but I guess it’s because when I love I go all in and when I get hurt I feel so broken I just don’t know how to deal with it.

Well like I said when I found out my sister was pregnant I was hurt because she had made me a promise that ment a lot to me, I was disappointed because she betrayed that promise and I was mad because in that moment I felt like she was an idiot for allowing this to happen knowing her life wasn’t all put together like it should be. She knew how much we had suffered with our single mom so why the HELL not break the cycle and better her future…

As you can see growing up with a single mom has hurt me a lot because I don’t want my siblings to have to suffer like my mom has. I don’t want them to “work to die” I want them to “work to live” I want them to make a bright future out of themselves and become independent successful people. 
When my sister told me she was pregnant I thought her life was over…
and to some young parents it is but not because they had a baby but because they waisted it and took it for granted.
Thats when I realized that my mom didn’t “work to die” she might have worked hard all her life and didn’t get to work to “live it up” but she worked for us and she gave us a great life and loved us so much and that is living. Yeah we suffered, we stressed but then again who doesn’t.
Then on August 25th at around 1:25pm Audrina Genevieve came into our world. When I met my niece and looked into those big googly eyes I couldn’t believe it. In that moment I knew that the future of my sister wouldn’t depend on the fact that this blessing from above was now with us. It wouldn’t make a diffrence it was still on how my sister wanted to build it for herself. I realized that baby or no baby she was still going to make things happen the way she wanted to.

Yes it will be a bit harder and at times she might stress more then others but I now know Audrina is a unexpected blessing to all of us and I am so grateful for her.

Audrina has brought happiness, hope and faith in to our lives. This is something that was covered by a sad storm last December. She is our little Angel god send us to show us that everything will be alright.

When I look into my niece’s eyes I can now see that she was the best unexpected surprise anyone could have ever asked for♥

Therefor when times seem hard, and life is just dark remember that god is sending something good your way you might just not realize what it is going to come in. It can come in a new love, a good friend, or even in a addition to the family. Just know that it’s coming and it will soon brighten up your life again♥

Happy Auntie;
Kbeautifulmind