Why must I hide

Why must I hide what I have been through, just to protect your image for those who care about you.
Why can’t I share with the world what I’m feeling inside, without a care in the world of what you’ll look like.
Why are they offended by what I have said, if I speak the truth of what has happened.
When did I become the bad guy after all of this?
Can’t they see how much I loved you and how deep is my agony?
Why can’t they understand me as humans?
Can’t they see how broken I am and what you’ve done is unfair?
You do this with out feeling any guilt, make them fall madly in love, using them for your needs till you get bored and move on.
Tell them the truth, since you claim to be such a good man, tell them all the hurt you caused me before the very end.
Tell them how I covered it and was force to put on a smile like there was no pain.
Tell them what I wrote was what you deserved and no less.
Why must I hide to protect your image?
Why can’t you tell them exactly what happened.



Our memories…


Our memories still float in the night sky, like the stars above shinning bright.
All the promises we made, all the sweet things we said, run and scream loud through these old times.
In pictures we’re still happy, in our love letters we’re still forever.
Our memories still float in the night sky,
like the stars that shined bright on that night at the stop light.
The time where the light paused on red, uniting our souls and our love as we made love till the end.
With fire and desire in our eyes we burned our names on the pavement, building up with lust as we steamed up the glass in the car.
Your kisses seemed true, as we united our bodies together and moved them to the beat of the music on the stereo.
Our memories still float in the night sky, like the stars that shined bright on that night, when I carved forever on your back with my nails hoping nothing would tear us apart.

This one is for the “crazy” ladies…

One of my Best Friends and I could not stop laughing as we had lunch yesterday because we were talking about the things women do to catch men/boys in their lies. Guilty of some things our selves we laughed as we looked back at what we have done and said.


If you’re a woman who has been in more then one relationship I’m sure you’ve had a least one guy tell you…


For as far as we can remember girls and women have always been identified as “weak, needy, emotional, cry babies, drama queen’s etc.”
and when we grow a little bit of courage and speak up they call us C-R-A-Z-Y.

mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way.
“Stella went crazy and assaulted a visitor”
synonyms: mad, insane, out of one’s mind, deranged, demented, not in one’s right mind, crazed, lunatic, non compos mentis, unhinged, mad as a hatter, mad as a March hare; More
antonyms: sane
extremely annoyed or angry.
“the noise they made was driving me crazy”
“it was crazy to hope that good might come out of this mess”
synonyms: stupid, foolish, idiotic, silly, absurd, ridiculous, ludicrous, preposterous, farcical, laughable, risible, nonsensical, imbecilic, harebrained, cockamamie, half-baked, impracticable, unworkable, ill-conceived, senseless; etc.
antonyms: sensible
extremely enthusiastic.
“I’m crazy about Cindy”
synonyms: passionate about, (very) keen on, enamored of, infatuated with, smitten with, devoted to; etc.

So as you guys can see based off the true definition of crazy, and woman being the bigger percentage of people in this world we are all surrounded by some serious dangerous lunatics. (Laugh)

could this be?
Or is that the word a man/boy uses to identify a woman when they have realized she has out smarted him once again?


If it’s one thing I’m sure of as a woman is that I absolutely hate looking stupid. Because I as a woman already find it hard to prove myself in this world. I have always been questioned my the men of this society or teased for having my “blonde” moments. I also can’t even count how many times I been told I can’t do something. Yeah I can be a little ditzy at times but I’m human and for all this I know looking stupid would only work against me.
Therefor I am a know it all, when I litterly “KNOW IT ALL”
What do I mean by that you may ask?
Well, when it comes to relationships…
I am not your average jealous girlfriend who gets mad if my guy is smiling and being nice to the waitress or if he is checking out the fat ass on a super fit woman at the gym, I mean lesbi-honest I noticed her first. I don’t walk around saying “eewww, she is ugly or she looks ugly in that.” I don’t keep my man from having guys night’s and I don’t question anything unless I KNOW or FEEL there is something wrong.
I just don’t see any point in waisting my energy. I’ve always believed that forcing anything will only make you unhappy in the end, and if some one wants to play you they will find a way to do it no matter how short you hold the leash.

So like most women I turn into a secret agent, I figure out what it is that I am “assuming” is going on and I prove it. I do whatever it takes to prove myself right before I even say a word. Once I have analyzed him, the situation, proved I was right, and have thought of a response to every stupid excuse he is going to give me to add to his lies… Then I corned him with hope he’ll at LEAST man up and admit his wrongs.
(As you can tell I really believe in the good in people)
Do they ever?
So that’s when I am identified as crazy.

To be honest I’m okay with that because it just means I wasn’t dumb enough to take anyone’s shit and I am not dumb enough to keep quite when someone does me wrong.

And if any of you actually care, I’m here to tell you there is nothing to be ashamed of. It was actually proven that all women have that sense in them because we are naturally born to nurture and protect our selves and those we love. This is how we are able to identify that gut feeling that tells us there is something wrong, and if we use it wisely it makes some of us powerful, independent women which can only result in a successful life.
You are not crazy, you are just smarter then the idiot who thought he could out smart you.
Therefor the problem is that he didn’t think you’d be better at his own game and that is what has pissed him off.
So if your crazy then keep being crazy, it only shows how smart you are.
Now don’t be insecure, there is a difference.
Everyone deserves a chance and I’m not talking about your partner I’m talking about YOU, you deserve a chance at love and if you’re insecure and you don’t love yourself you will only make yourself unhappy.
Take a leap of faith and if they screw it up at least you tried.
And if they call you crazy, then take it as a compliment:)

Backing up all my crazy ladies;

There is no “I” in TEAM.

I had to come out side to take a breather, things are so screwed up I can’t believe it.
So much screaming, so much fighting makes me feel like happiness is something…
seems like we just won’t achieve it…
Everyone seems to blame the feeder, I’m selfish they say but they don’t see it.
To me they are just running away, to them they just can’t take it  momentarily.
What is that you ask?
It’s my selfishness.
If they could only see, how hard this is for me.
I’m not selfish, I just have a memory disorder and some sort of attention span developing because of all that is being put on me.
It feels like my brain is going at full speed, day by day, as it thinks everything through, and tries to figure everything out that I have to do.
I forget everything now in days, my planner gets it all even a reminder that asks “Have you even ate at all?”
The only selfish act I have going on is getting educated, because like the rest of you I feel that I deserve it.
I don’t want to let the hard times stop me from having a good future.
From having my OWN future, something to show for MY SELF.
And then you come along and say you have felt un attended for over two years?
Well how about not being able to breath since I got the news.
How do you think this feels? Watching the mom that raised you, the only parent that took care of you, slowly washing away in front of you!
Two years of hell all the doctors and nurses saying things I just couldn’t bare.
I’m surprised I didn’t loose my mind and then she died only to leave me here to find, find away to figure things out, to push my grieving aside and get it all worked out.
I didn’t get a break I had to move on and play the game.
Play the game of life, find a way for all of us to survive.
But your overwhelmed, you feel at the bottom of the barel?
I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it, and understand how?
Not once did I say step up to the plate, I never said it was YOU that had to take her place.
As people asked us if you were?
I’d respond and say “What? no! I got this on my own, he doesn’t have to…”
Because I do. I was raised by a warrior who told me, and prepared me for what I had to do.
Yes it was easier said then done but I’m doing it.
I never asked you to feed us, to take care of us, to do anything for us because I got us.
And not just us as in them and I but US as in you and I too! Yes you were a bit more attentive to me then I was with you but look at what I was living? Of course more then ever, I needed you.
But that doesn’t mean I was gone, a couple of slips, a couple of cold sholders, but I was still hanging on.
There by your side trying my best to give you my all.
My ALL that now had to be split into 8 slices of “Kelsey”
As the oldest I have to take care of three and adding my niece I was at four
Then came two jobs making it six
And don’t forget school
And you
It became eight, eight is a lot can’t you see?
But I didn’t give up, I didn’t run off, I took it all in and said I got it all!
So yes sometimes you were going to come last but sometimes you came first and they came last.
There had to be a rotation can’t you see, and yes in the end there was only one person that worried about me.
You worried about me, but that wasn’t my selfishness it was your caring heart and the love you had for me. It’s just what humans do when they care, because when your alone it’s “I” and when your with someone it’s “them”.
Sometimes it will feel like it’s more about “them” then “you” but someday you will need “them” more then ever too.
When you do, there “they” will be, because there is no “I” in TEAM.

Wishing you the best, thank you for everything you did for me…
and us;