Please

Please

If I go while you’re still here…
Please know that I live on,
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
Please do not wish it was you instead of me.
You will not see me, but you must have faith.
Celebrate my life, smile for I am in a better place.
I’ve now joined all those who went before me,
Please remember that and find peace.
Laugh with each other as you remember all the good times,
for there were so many good and bad moments we were blessed to live together.
Send me away with lots of love,
I want you all to be happy,
Please remember that we will someday reunite.
And when you need me until then,
Please just whisper my name in your heart,
… I will be there…
Until we meet again.
-Kbeautifulmind

 

This poem was written for my “Fake” Funeral program I had to make for a class project. However I love it and had to share so that my family can have it incase someday I really go.

The other night…

I really believe that when some one passes away God gives them a pass sometimes to come back to earth when they are needed.

The signs we see, the things we run into, the dreams. 

They can’t just be concidense, can they? 

I truly don’t think so. 

Everyone always says, “They will always be with you.” and yeah you believe them to an extend but, it’s just not the same. 

You try so hard to believe that but, you find yourself looking for that person in other people. 

In your girl friends, in the mothers of others, and in everything you see and do. 

That little piece of your heart that’s now missing… is no where to be found. 

You look, you look, you try, and you try… 

But, nothing or anyone fills up that missing piece. 

The other night I realize, that no one will ever understand that. 

Specially not those who decide to be pitty and some how make your life about theirs. 

When someone that means so much to you passes away, not only does your life change or do you change… 

But, nothing will EVER be the same. 

And I have honestly discovered that this comes with good and bad. 

One good thing is that you are given a whole new pair of eyes. 

You learned to love and appreciate life, things, and most of all the people in your life. 

You find yourself telling those you love how much you love them constantly and even announcing it to the entire world. Not as a way of trying to be “annoying” or shove it in someone’s face… 

But, as a way of expressing yourself because you out of all people KNOW how short life truly is. 

The other night I realized that I shouldn’t be sorry for this. 

and… 

I also realized that, some people will never understand it. 

The other night I realized, that those we lose are truly always going to be there for us. 

I finally dreamed my mom after so long, and her words were as perfect as they’ve always been. 

“Don’t feel bad, there is nothing to be sorry for. Remember, God sees it all.” 

-Kbeautifulmind 

2015

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Two Thousand-Fifteen is coming to an end, and as most of us agree things could have been better. We always sit there at the end of the year and say “New Year please be good to me, please be better.” However, did you take the time to reflect? Did you accomplish your goals and resolutions? And if not, why? And how are you going to make sure that doesn’t happen again?
We must remember that nothing can ever be perfect and we must appreciate what we did get out of the previous year, before we start asking for more or “better.”

I can honestly say 2015 was as amazing and as intense as the year could have been.

So many things have changed: My perspectives, my goals, my dreams, my desires, my relationships, my mentality, my feelings, and the people in my life.

I started the year with certain goals, dreams, and perspectives and some have changed as some continue to stay the same. Many were accomplished and/or are close to being accomplished as we enter the new year. I finally began new projects I had been wanting to for so long and I can not wait till I am done and see the final results.

My desires have definitely grown as I’ve found personal growth within my self. I am a lot more satasfied and confident with my body and soul.

I learned that days will be rough but, I must finish everyday and be done with it, and when that doesn’t work… a good laugh or long sleep can cure anything.

My relationships haven’t changed too much. I started the year with certain important people by my side and all of them are still here. I made some new friends, some which didn’t stick it through but others who I can tell are here to stay. I continued to be humble and grateful for all the love and support I receive, and I’ve learned to not take those that have been good to me for granted because I know how lucky I am to have them in my life.

I didn’t find strong love that happened to change my romantic relationship status. (Still single and mingling, lol maybe not the mingling part) However, I did meet people that helped me see that even at 25 you can still feel butter flies and pure happiness. I learned that nothing is forever or will workout the way you hoped but, enjoying the moment is just as fun and pleasurable and memories will always live on. I learned that everyone has a purpose as they entered your life, and if they aren’t here to stay is because one of you had to learn something from the other one.

Most importantly, I learned to fully heal from the scars that had been caused by the past and I’m learning to know exactly what I want and will not accept. I met people that made the cells in my body jump with excitement by just a simple touch, and I have decided I never want to settle for any other feeling than that one. I learned that feelings aren’t reciprocal and thats okay, for the worth you saw in someone, someone else will see in you someday.

I’ve made my peace with everything and everyone, and I found closure myself and within myself which was the most important successful achievements of them all.

I’m not angry at the end of this year, nor do I have any resentments; I’m simply grateful for everything and everyone that have helped me learn and grow so much.

Over the last year, I have finally learned how to become the higher version of myself. I realized that happiness and comfort is something internal and eternal forces should not be depended on for my comfort or  happiness.

Over the last year, I finally understood.

-Kbeautifulmind

December hasn’t changed…

December hasn’t changed, it all still looks the same.
They still light the trees, and there is Christmas music everywhere.
There’s red, white, and green shining in every corner, and the people still look “crazier than ever.”
But, I wish you were here…
And I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like?
Here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left.
It all looks the same, nothing has changed but, there’s an emptiness.
The spirit is there, it just doesn’t feel as strong and my joy varies depending on the day.
They still make midnight mass as beautiful as ever, and the choir sounds magnificent just as you’d remember.
But, I wish you were here…
And I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like?
I hope you’re singing in the angel’s choir, and enjoying the presence of our dear lord saviors child.
I’ll bet you’re enjoying Christmas carols with your friends and father.
and I’m sure you decorated a fabulous tree, and made a pretty mean feast.
December hasn’t changed, it all still looks the same.
But, I wish you were here…
And I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like?
-Kbeautifulmind

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(My mom’s last Christmas 2013)

Death is such a difficult thing to deal with in this life.
It’s not the ones who go that need prayer, it’s the ones who stay.
There is nothing worse than having so many good memories with someone and realizing you won’t be able to make anymore together.
No matter how much time passes, you miss them even more.
They say time heals all and it does heal most temporary pains but, death just isn’t one of them.
Even in many years from now when it will be the 10th Christmas without her instead of the 2nd…
Even after multiple holidays, birthdays, special occasions, and many single moments of excitement…
No matter how much time passes,
it will always feel like the bandaid covering the wound was ripped right off making you bleed again.
I guess you never actually stop grieving, you just learn to accept and deal with it.
-Kbeautifulmind

This time next year.

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“God is within her, she will not f a l l.”

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Last night I had a selfie session.
As I thought about how screwed up my life was this time last year…
I smiled, because I am so proud of myself and how much I have over came as a person.
How much I have grown, and how positive I kept my mind and spirit.
Then I thought about how much I still need to over come…
Something in my gut just tells me that all the worries I hold in my heart now, won’t be anything by this time next year.
Stay positive people!
Kbeautifulmind

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When you lose someone close to you, your perspective of life in it’s self changes immediately.
It’s like you been viewing and living life through a pair of dirty glasses.
I’m truly gifted to have been raised by such a wonderful woman and true warrior.
She taught me to be appreciative of all I’ve had, have, or will ever have.
Our struggles we lived only made me even more gratful.
Through her I learned to never be nasty to those that truly love me and have my back, and to be respectful to those that are ugly (on the inside).
I learned to be humble, even when life was in our favor because tomorrow we could be right back to where we were.
She taught me that when you help others you do it with heart, even if you may never get the same help from them in return.
She taught me that betrayal isn’t worth the revenge and I must leave it in the hands of god and karma.
She taught me that with faith, this ugly world doesn’t seem so bad.
She taught me that there is always so much to be thankful for…
From just the fact that you woke up again another day, to the little or a lot that you been blessed with.
No one can ever live through all of these teaching, I’m sure didn’t always either.
Yet she seem to practice it very well, and watching her be such a wonderful person was the best inspiration I could have had growing up.
Before my momma passed away, I was already raised to be good, and do good.
However now that she’s gone, not only am I thankful for everything I have and everyone I have in my life…
But I no longer take anything for granted.
I make sure to always try my best to go to bed at night happy and gratful, even when times seem super rough.
It takes real work and strength not to forget the great features in life even on the bad days.
Yet, we still must try to acknowledge the little we have and appreciate it for the time we have it.
Because tomorrow nothing, not your life, the life of those you love, or anything you have is promised to be there.
I would have done anything for a nice hug and kiss from my best friend today.
Yet, a year and a half ago god had decided he needed a new angel.
I’m truly so gratful for all of my family and friends; as well as all my blessings from work, school, life etc.
Happy Thanksgiving!
-Kbeautifulmind