If I could go back in time, I’d tell you No.
I’d tell you, I am too young.
I’d tell you, your children are horrible, ungrateful kids, and they don’t deserve me to sacrifice my time and life to take care of them.
I’d tell you, I’m tired.
I’d tell you, I feel stuck, like there is no way out of this hell.
I’d tell you, I feel alone.
I’d tell you, I’m sorry but I can’t make you this promise.
I’d tell you, I’m sorry but this is not the life I want to live.
I’d tell you to find someone else.
As they told me you were there, in the same place we were in, I was shocked by how calm I felt with no desire to throw up and run free.
I thought that when this day would come, I’d freak out and not know what to do, but as I looked into your eyes I no longer saw what I use to.
The dreams that I desired, the love I reserved for you, all of it was gone there was just nothing there for you.
I didn’t feel like crying, there was no knots in my throat, my heart didn’t feel heavy you’d think all this hurt was super old.
My anger towards you was gone and my disappointment seemed so far, there was no spark or love, I looked once more but in confusion I realized there was nothing there to find.
I tried to remember the way you kissed but my body and mind would not react as they once did.
It seemed as if my mouth and mind were wipped clean of all the memories.
I couldn’t remember your laugh or what it was that attracted me to you, I guess all I really felt was disgust to think that I once belonged to you.
When you approched me with a hug I thought I’d feel something for sure but it was almost like I went numb and the touch of your arm was as dry as the crackers on the counter next to you.
I walked away in shock that you’d even bother to approch me in that way, but I couldn’t help but smirk at the pleasure of feeling nothing that I felt before that day.
It that moment I took a deep breath, feeling relived as I said “I forgave him, this is really it”
I learned then as I sat there with my friend, that today I had really learned something…
I learned the wonderful feeling that it would never be the same.