This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times. 

Nothing has changed, they still light up the tree on Myrtle Ave. with many lights and the carolers still sing on Friday nights. 

The streets in town are filled with decore, just like they’ve always been filled before.  

Your favorite house still lights up so bright, and Santa still drives around town sharing his Christmas spirit with all the children at night. 

This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times. 

Yet, to me this holiday is just another cold winter night.

Christmas films are no longer enchanting and even though it’s that time of the year…

I don’t feel the cheer even with music, tamales, and family near.

Where did the magic go? 

I desire to know…

Because, I don’t feel the spirit anymore…

This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times.

It’s just not the same without you here.

-Kbeautifulmind 

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December hasn’t changed…

December hasn’t changed, it all still looks the same.
They still light the trees, and there is Christmas music everywhere.
There’s red, white, and green shining in every corner, and the people still look “crazier than ever.”
But, I wish you were here…
And I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like?
Here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left.
It all looks the same, nothing has changed but, there’s an emptiness.
The spirit is there, it just doesn’t feel as strong and my joy varies depending on the day.
They still make midnight mass as beautiful as ever, and the choir sounds magnificent just as you’d remember.
But, I wish you were here…
And I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like?
I hope you’re singing in the angel’s choir, and enjoying the presence of our dear lord saviors child.
I’ll bet you’re enjoying Christmas carols with your friends and father.
and I’m sure you decorated a fabulous tree, and made a pretty mean feast.
December hasn’t changed, it all still looks the same.
But, I wish you were here…
And I wonder what Christmas in heaven is like?
-Kbeautifulmind

This Holiday Season…

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This Holiday season, we must remember to be gratful for all of our blessings.
Don’t let the gifts and material goods allow you to forget the original meaning of Christmas.
Remember to thank the man upstairs for all you have been privileged with.
Tis the season to remember that we can’t always have what we want, we can’t always have what we wish for but, we can be content with what we have.
-Kbeautifulmind

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(My mom’s last Christmas 2013)

Death is such a difficult thing to deal with in this life.
It’s not the ones who go that need prayer, it’s the ones who stay.
There is nothing worse than having so many good memories with someone and realizing you won’t be able to make anymore together.
No matter how much time passes, you miss them even more.
They say time heals all and it does heal most temporary pains but, death just isn’t one of them.
Even in many years from now when it will be the 10th Christmas without her instead of the 2nd…
Even after multiple holidays, birthdays, special occasions, and many single moments of excitement…
No matter how much time passes,
it will always feel like the bandaid covering the wound was ripped right off making you bleed again.
I guess you never actually stop grieving, you just learn to accept and deal with it.
-Kbeautifulmind

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Last night as I was getting out from work my mom called me and asked me if I wanted to join her for confession…

I lied and said I was still at work, and went Christmas shopping instead.

I don’t know why I lied but I think it was because I hadn’t been to confession and hadn’t even step foot in a church in over a year.

One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to attend midnight mass on christmas eve and I didn’t even make it to that last year…

When I was driving home that night I began to ask myself why I lied? And I had no excuse. I think I was afraid to face him.

I use to go to church every Sunday and always participated in confession, prayer, and I actually enjoyed it. I found it to be a place of peace and I felt happy when I was there.

Last year when my mom was diagnosed, I became mad at god. I was upset with him as I spend my days asking him why she deserved this? What made him choose her? Hasn’t she been through enough? Haven’t we been through enough? Why are you doing this to us!?!?!
I was very very mad at god; I had never felt so hurt, mad, and lost. I felt my faith dissolving.

Then one night when I was off on a Sunday my mom asked if I’d like to attend church with her, I told her “No I’m too tired”… and she confronted me…

“Well every Sunday for the last couple of months your excuse has been “work” today your excuse is you’re “tired” even though you are off? I don’t know what your deal is or why you no longer like to go to church but let me tell you something, we are still breathing and have all we have thanks to the man up stairs. Sometimes you need to take a little break and tell him thank you. If you don’t want to go to church then I hope you are at least speaking to him….”

If she only knew how much I was speaking to him, more like questioning him…

I stayed very quite and then told her “I don’t know If I believe in god anymore, I’m mad at him.”

My mom’s face looked like I had just slapped her really really hard.

She looked at me with a face of disappointment and said…

“I am so shocked to hear that coming from some one who use to always tell me, “No matter what happeneds, If we have faith everything will be okay!” I get you are mad so was I but I do believe he only gives us what we can handle.”

And she left…

I ended up crying myself into a nap after that. When I woke up I knew she was right, I went for a walk and I apologized to god for questioning him and yelling. I told him I was sorry and how grateful I was for still protecting me and being by my side even when I lost faith in him.

A year later today, I decided to go to confession and really face him. Before we were dismissed to stand in line to confess to one of the 25 priests, there was a small mass. The priest directing it said something along the lines of “… he never pushes us away no matter our sins, we push him away” and he was right. I pushed god away even when he still had my back and stood by my side.

Now I know not everyone reading this is a roman catholic like I am, but I am sharing this with the hope that if anyone is going through hard times like I am, understand that “everything happeneds for a reason” and with even just a little bit of faith, everything will be okay.

Faithful;
Kbeautifulmind

Christmas time is really here…

My mom and I bought a Tree today. We love decorating for the holidays, we were both really excited.

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Now that’s good Christmas spirit!

First off, let me start by mentioning I absolutely looovvvvee Christmas.

It is my favorite holiday off all time.
I don’t know what it is, it might be the lights, decorations, the music, the food, my tradition of attending midnight mass or even the mistletoe. 
It can be all of these things or some more then others but the entire idea of Christmas brings me peace and happiness and the excitment to build more memories.

There has only been two Christmas e’s when I’ve ever felt sad, and that was Christmas 2010 and last Christmas in 2012.

Last December we had just found out that my mother had Lung Cancer Stage four and I was wounded with the terrible news. As much as I smiled and showed everyone I was okay, like I always do with any situation… I was hurting. I was mad at god, that I didn’t attend midnight mass. I was worried and so afraid that this might be my last Christmas with my best friend.

Now a year has gone by, and thank god she’s still by our side. She looks so healthy and she’s fighting strong.

This brings me all the christmas joy I need. I know its not forever and no matter who is sick or not tomorrow is still never promised to any of us. However, what I do know is, I am so grateful to have my family here today. I pray tonight to have them again tomorrow by my side and for many more years to come.

Faith is all I need to hope for a wonderful Chritmas this year♡

Happy Holidays;
Kbeautifulmind