Tag: Cancer

Dear Women

image

Dear Woman,
I want to encourage you, from a woman to a woman.
From a fighter to a fighter.
May you always believe in yourself.
May you rememeber that society belittles you, but this world wouldn’t survive with out you.
May you know that you are beautiful.
May you be confident and walk with pride and honor.
May you rememeber that looks expire, and it’s what’s on the inside that matters.
May you know your value, and never settle for anything that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable.
May you rememeber you are a woman, and other women are your sisters… Respect them.
Team up with them.
Encourage them.
Honor them.
May you always know to never be the other woman.
May you always honor yourself.
May you always appreciate yourself.
May you always love yourself.
May you always encourage yourself.
May you always know you CAN fight.
May you always know you CAN win.
May you always know you are not alone.
May you always know that there is no one out there like YOU.
Society needs you.
Children need you.
They might not all admit it,
But MEN need you too.
Without you they couldn’t reproduce, grow, build.
May you never take a breath for granted, and be grateful…
For there is other women, other warriors that are no longer breathing…
or fighting to continue to breathe.
-Kbeautifulmind

image

1 in 3 women get cancer.
Not just breast cancer, but all types of cancers.
I know many people who have had it.
My friends have had it.
My friend’s mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, etc.
One of my close friends had a stage 0-1 cancer, I couldn’t even understand how that was real?
A little later I got the same kind.
It’s called pre-cancer, not good enough for treatment yet, but it’s there… so you got to get your body to fight it.
My close friend’s mother died from breast cancer.
My grandmother I rarely knew did too.
My godmother died from it.
My mom died from Lung Cancer.
Her best friend Ana, died from leukemia.
Some of my close friends mother’s have beat it.
This thing is everywhere…
Rememeber good health is a privilege.
To be alive is a gift.
May you never take a breath for granted.

Deja vu nightmares

She walked out the door, unsure if her body was tagging along.
She didn’t understand why any of it was happening.
It felt like a dream, a nightmare she wanted to wake up from.
Nothing made sense, how could this make sense?
With frustration she whispered…

“Cancer? Why the fuck would she deserve that?”

Nothing made sense…
She took a deep breath and then she looked up to the sky and said…

“Take anything away from me, take it all if you will; but please… please, let me keep her, let her win this fight.”

And then she woke up, only to remember she was already gone.
-Kbeautifulmind

Like a Butterfly

image

You tuck me in, turn out the lights,
kept me safe and sound at night,
little girls depend on things like that.
You taught me how to dress myself, and almost always combed my hair, helped build my self-esteem and helped me build a heart that cares.
You had to deal with my funny moods, but calmed me down before I turned blue, reminding me that I would be alright.
You were always there when I looked back, the two of us made quite a team, never did I think we’d ever be separated quite so fast.
You had to do it all alone, a single mom who had to make a living and make a home.
It must have been as hard as it could be, but even through all the struggles and hard times, you kept a smile on your face not letting us see how much of you life would take.
And when I couldn’t sleep at night, scared things wouldn’t turn out right
you would hold my hand and simply tell me…
“Just like caterpillar in the trees, how you wonder who you’ll be, but with time you will see.
Don’t you worry, hold on tight.
I promise you there will come a time, where like a butterfly you will also spread your wings.”
-Kbeautifulmind

Favorite Garden

image

Today I took a walk in our favorite garden.
First time we discovered this place was as a family.
Second time I came here you asked me to bring you.
We grabbed lunch and spent the evening here just talking, and I almost chocked on my food.
You said, “Dios mio, you can’t die, then I die, then the kids would really be screwed!”
I laughed so hard my rice came out my nose.
I came here today because you been on my mind a lot, I miss you.
Everything is way harder than I thought, and I don’t even know if I’m doing it right?
I have accepted that you’re gone but sometimes I just want to feel you, to know you’re there, one more talk?
and nothing….
It gets very frustrating…
I wish you’d knock something over in the room, or make the lights flicker, something…?
I know wearing your ashes around my neck gives me a piece of mind, but sometimes I just want to feel you, and when I get nothing I begin to feel hopeless as I see no reassurance that you are there.
As I walked today, remembering you laugh, your funny jokes, and how annoyed you’d get when I kiss or hugged you “too much,” I ran into this heart, not sure who took their time to make it, but I think this was the sign I needed.
Glad to know you are still here♡
-Kbeautifulmind

💜

image

…and it was in that moment, as she sat underneath that beautiful tree that she felt true peace and  happiness in her heart. It was the breeze of the wind in her hair, and the the way the sun peeked through the beautiful flowers and touched her skin, that made her see that she will never be alone.
For her angel will always be there with her, right by her side.
-Kbeautifulmind

I was her treasure

Growing up as the oldest of four, I always got the shit end of the stick.
If my mom was stressed I heard it first.
If something wasn’t done, it was my fault.
If things were not how they should be, she’d question me.
I watched my mom struggle her entire life and to me, she was my hero.
I admired her for going through so much and never giving up.
However I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe I was the cause for all of it.
Maybe had my father succeeded in drowning me at age five, had her life been so much easier?
As I got older it only got worse, if my sister acted up or my brother’s cried…
Some how I got yelled at.
I got told…
“I’m so tired of this, why don’t you guys listen. One of these days I’m going to be gone and you will all regret not appreciating me!!!”
I learned with time to just stay quite, I’d let her vent and just listened.
However, deep down inside I would hurt for her.
I would hurt because I knew life was hard for her and I could see how life would try to push her down and defeat her all the time, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.
I knew it wasn’t us, it was life that had just been so unfair to her.
Yet I wanted to yell back so many times saying,
“Can you shut the hell up!!! I do appreciate you, you have no idea how much! If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t want to be better then I am, and strive to have more then I’ve ever had.”
But I would just stay quite.
Sometimes we would fight over the stupidest things…
Money
School
Boys
Friend’s
Clothes
Seriously dumb, dumb, random stuff.
I’d come home and if she was stressed out she’d vent to me.
She’d yell, kick me out, told me when are you going to leave your too old to be living here with me.
To me then it sounded like blaming, and it cofused me because I couldn’t understand how it was my fault?
But later I saw they were cries of help, cries of help to me her oldest daughter and friend.
As I got older and after high school we learned to stress together, to vent but not attack each other, to scream, cry or sing if we wanted to let it out, but to not let it out on each other.
We learned to recognize the team we had always been.
However there was something I just couldn’t get her to do, and that was show emotion.
She rarely told me…
“I’m proud of you”
“You’re doing great”
“I love you”
Until she got diagnosed.
When she was diagnosed is when my mom learned how much I loved her and admired her.
My mom saw that I was never against her, but that I was with her.
She began to slowly apologize for being so hard on me, and for taking me for “granted.”
But what she didn’t know is how much more I appreciated her for all of it.
I wouldn’t be who I am today if she hadn’t pushed me to be strong.
Unfortunately I still felt disappointed in myself.
I had this plan my whole life and it wasn’t following through.
I hadn’t finish school yet, I didn’t have my career job yet, I wasn’t super wealthy, I couldn’t find the best doctors to treat her, I couldn’t grant her final wishes, I couldn’t take her to travel the world and see places she had always desired to see.
I felt as if God was taking her from me without letting me make her proud, without letting me repay her for all the hard times she lived just to raise me.
I felt like a failure.
I just needed her to see me graduate, to see me succeed, I NEEDED to make her proud.
Today my mom’s friend called me.
I had not spoken to him since my mom passed away, a year ago.
He wanted to see how I was doing and then told me…
“I have to tell you, your mom told me you were her treasure. That she admired you so much and was so proud of you and your kind heart. She told me, “Even when I yell at her, or take out my stress on her she doesn’t give up on me. I know she loves me and will stick through this right by my side.”

I began to cry, but tears of joy.
Tears of joy because I was grateful to know that even though we didn’t make it to Ireland or a tropical place, and I didn’t exactly get to “repay” her for all she had done for me…
She was proud of me.
She was truly proud of me.
And that let me know, I had succeeded as her daughter.

-Kbeautifulmind

Until we meet again

image

Every time I smile,
Every time I cry,
I think of your face, and the thoughts escape my mind.
“What would it be like if you were still here, if we had won our battle and could now be stress free?”
You were my world,
Two parents in one,
My soft mom to cry with, and my tough dad to punish me when I was wrong.
My inspiration for my future, and the faith in my heart.
But now that you’ve left me, it can be so hard not to fall apart.
You were my best friend,
My one true role model in this life,
And that’s not all you were,
You were also my mom.
You were always my strength when I lost hope, therefor at times now I feel weak and alone.
You showed me right from wrong, and made sure I never lost my kind heart and always stayed humble.
And when times got hard, I knew I’d be okay because you gave me strength to hold and push on.
When I was afraid, you’d remind me that together we could face anything.
No one else could do what you’ve done for me.
I never imagined a day like this, where I’d have to live with out you and lose my team.
But if there is anyone I want to make proud, it’s you my dear mom.
So I’ll wipe off my tears and put on a smile, as I try to always remind myself you’re still here in my heart.

“Until we meet again” – Maricela Arellano Lopez

-Kbeautifulmind