I thought I was a victim

I thought I was a victim, am I not good enough I’d ask myself?
What do I have to do, to grab his full attention?
What can I do to change him, to have him see that I am what he needs?
He says I’m the one and tells the same story to all of our loved ones, but at night he rushes to his contact list to see who he can get attention from.
I thought I was a victim, so I’d despise him everytime; kicking myself thinking “maybe you are not good enough.”
You need to be smarter, learn how to drive better, don’t speak to much, don’t over think, don’t share your feelings, don’t bother him to the extremes.
I thought I was a victim because he made me feel that way, then I realized I played apart in my own unhappiness by deciding to stay.
-Kbeautifulmind

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Grudge

It had been a couple of years since he last saw her.
He remembers being mad at her, because she broke him, she gave up on them after she had promised she never would.
Some how that smile still made him nervous.
It had been a couple of years since she last saw him.
She remembers he was angry, how could he say such mean things to someone he claimed to love so much?
She knows she was wrong, she freaked out and gave up, but she couldn’t take it back because he was moved on.
Yet he looked so beautiful, and she knew she’d always miss him.

Years later there they were…

It was like the world stopped in it’s tracks and no one else existed…
There he was and there she was only the window of the car, a grudge he still held, the pain that still stung in her heart and the street in between them.

But some how it was a beautiful encounter, because it showed in their faces, their eyes, and both of their expressions that after all these years something was still felt.

-kbeautifulmind

I learned that it would never be the same…

As they told me you were there, in the same place we were in, I was shocked by how calm I felt with no desire to throw up and run free.
I thought that when this day would come, I’d freak out and not know what to do, but as I looked into your eyes I no longer saw what I use to.
The dreams that I desired, the love I reserved for you, all of it was gone there was just nothing there for you.
I didn’t feel like crying, there was no knots in my throat, my heart didn’t feel heavy you’d think all this hurt was super old.
My anger towards you was gone and my disappointment seemed so far, there was no spark or love, I looked once more but in confusion I realized there was nothing there to find.
I tried to remember the way you kissed but my body and mind would not react as they once did.
It seemed as if my mouth and mind were wipped clean of all the memories.
I couldn’t remember your laugh or what it was that attracted me to you, I guess all I really felt was disgust to think that I once belonged to you.
When you approched me with a hug I thought I’d feel something for sure but it was almost like I went numb and the touch of your arm was as dry as the crackers on the counter next to you.
I walked away in shock that you’d even bother to approch me in that way, but I couldn’t help but smirk at the pleasure of feeling nothing that I felt before that day.
It that moment I took a deep breath, feeling relived as I said “I forgave him, this is really it”
I learned then as I sat there with my friend, that today I had really learned something…
I learned the wonderful feeling that it would never be the same.

-Kbeautifulmind

The truth is…

I owe it to you to explain myself, but the truth is that there is nothing left to say.
I know I’ve been a coward and that I went about all of this the wrong way.
I swear to everyone that you’re at fault with hope that it will stop the tears at night.
But we all know that no one believes me for they see me on my street with her lips on mine.
I swear to you I am a good person and that I don’t care what you or anyone thinks but I feel the guilt inside me as I state that and repeat.
The truth is that I know I been wrong, and I know it’s something you don’t deserve, but sadly I am to weak to admit that comfortably to you.
I cover up my actions with one lie after the other as I tell myself to tell the truth but the words just won’t unravel.
The truth is that I owe it to you to explain what I have done but she doesn’t set me free and I know that you are gone.
I know that you are done for good and this is sadly it, I know you’ve close this chapter and that you won’t let me in.
The truth is that I’m scared and sitting in my lies is the only current thing that makes me feel great.
The truth is that I’m broken because I know that because of me nothing will ever be the same.

-Kbeautifulmind

Love and relationships are like a race…

Love and relationships are like a race. We train so hard, sometimes we fall, we give it our all, and we build them up to where we want them to be. After all the hard work some of us win the golden metal and the hard work pays off, and sometimes someone else gets the metal and your hard work becomes someone else’s victory. Sometimes that’s what makes us build that grudge because it’s a bit unfair that someone else gets the metal, but we shouldn’t allow it to make us bitter.
Why?
Because no matter what happened we learned and therefore we also win and even though it seems like it, our hard work wasn’t unnoticed and someday our metal will be even better then any of the metals we didn’t get.”
-Kbeautifulmind

This one is for the parents of the world and today’s society…

I seriously can say I LOVE LOVE LOVE school this semester, it’s alot of work and all but I really enjoy the classes I have selected to attend. One of my classes has made my feminine side get stronger and has encourage me to continue to follow my dreams with my same goals to make a difference in this world.
These past couple of day’s we been learning about love and abuse. Not just from relationships but abuse from people, normal human beings that mistreat one another in our society. Human beings who teach their children to be homosexual haters, who teach them about sexisum, envy, and verbal and physical brutality.
I believe that some of this isn’t even done intentionally it’s just that some people don’t realize how important it is to change your bad habits and try to be the best role model you can be once you have brought a child into this world.
Therfore…

image

This one is for the parents of this world…
Please be good to your children, weather you did it the right way and got your life together before them or even if they were unplanned and you need to get it together with them here by your side. Remember that they are the future that could only get better then the times you have lived in, IF you role model for them appropriately. Teach them to love, to respect EVERYONE, and to judge no one, for they are no one to judge or hate others for who they are, who they like or the color of their skin. You want to always rememeber that once you have had children you need to be the very best person you can be, because once they are old enough they have a chance of mirroring you and following your every move. If you dissapoint them they have a high chance of becoming dissapointments.

This one is for the parents of today’s society…
Because the problem isn’t single mothers or young parents it’s the fact that children, not mentally fully developed adults are having children of their own.
The problem is mom’s twerking on line for attention to make some kind of point not seeing that all they are doing is announcing to the world that they have no self respect, showing their children that self respect is not important.
The problem is the parents smoking weed, doing drugs and publisizing it for the world to see on the web. You like your kush? Thats fine I’m pretty sure that 60 percent of California’s community that smoke weed are not all stupid rebellious teens. However why does the whole world have to know? Is it because you think you look cute smoking into the camara? What happens when your child is old enough to know what you are doing in that picture and when he/she tries to do it says “Mommy/Daddy I just wanted to be just like you?”
The problem is not the media, the society, or the life we have lived the problem is that these parents are not allowing themselves to be mentally developed to see the importance and responsibility that comes with having a child because they too are acting like children themselves.
So your young and have a child already, so what??? No one is asking you to hide from the world now and not have a drink once in a while or smoke a blunt or shake your tail feather to the beat of a song but don’t use your youth as an excuse on why your priorities are all mixed up.
The problem is that you NEED to grow up and be responsible for the love you have grown for that child, make them proud because if you don’t do it then who will?
You brought them to this world, therefor their future is partly your responsibility. Think about it? How will you like to see them years from now?
Even a better question…How will you like them to see you?
Everytime you do something ask yourself, would I be okay with MY child doing this? And if your answer is ever “No” then maybe it’s time to start making better choices.

Concerned for the future,
Kbeautifulmind