“Cherish every moment and memory as if when night strikes that will be the end, because beautiful things never last. Not roses nor snow, not friendships nor love, and not fireworks either… 

But the best memories in life are those unforgettable moments.”

Kbeautifulmind💋

I am proud.


(Photo by photographer friend: Instagram: @itsonwithjon)

As I think about my graduation slowly creeping up…

A part of me is excited and I can’t wait, and the other part of me is sad and just wants to get it over with.

To be honest, I’ve been super sad.

I wish my madresita linda could be there for me.

I know, I know… “She’ll be there in spirit!” “She gets the best view!” “She’ll be celebrating from up above!”

As you can see, I’ve heard them all, and I know these are all very true…

But, she won’t be there in physical form.

I can’t actually celebrate with her.

I can’t hug her, kiss her, squeeze her, scream with her, laugh with her, or even take a picture with her.

I can’t hear her saying, “I am so proud of you!”

I can’t, and knowing that just makes me miss her and want her there even more.

This special moment in my life and many others to come will just have to be “sad and happy.”

No matter how much time passes, they will always be bitter sweet.

During this entire emotional roller coaster I’ve been going through since April, one emotion I been sure about since day one is my “pride.”

I am so f&*%en proud!

I am proud that I am finally finishing. I am proud that I am receiving one of three degrees I need to follow my ultimate dream.

I am proud that I over came so much.

I am proud that I did it!

I did it, even after life kicking me to the grown on my ass, I did it.

After heartbreaks, illnesses, tears, cancer, death, grieving, family drama, stress, loss of sleep, hard work, more stress, and at times thinking I couldn’t…

I did it!

and even made honor role, yup you guys read right.

While running a household and dealing with so much more than I could handle sometimes… I made the honor role at, California State University of Dominguez Hills.

How can someone not be proud of these accomplishments?

However, being proud of myself is only a portion of it.

I am proud of my mother.

Mi madresita linda, que tanto lucho y se esfuerzo.

La que llego de indocumentada.

La que lucho, fue fuerte, y nunca se rajo.

and like she said…

“Sufri, pase hambres, y humillaciones. Llore, y asta me quise regresar por que estaba de arrimada. Pero aqui me quede. Y la vida me fregaba, pero yo segui adelante.”

“Asi es que, recuerden me con honor, y pongan se las pilas! Siempre hagan el esfuerzo de seguir  adelante. No dejen que nada ni nadien se les ponga en el camino.”

Therefore, she is who I am most proud of.


(Photo by photographer friend: Instagram: @itsonwithjon)

I am proud of her and honored to have been the daughter of an immigrant  guerrera (warrior)!

Anticipating my graduation,

Kbeautfiulmind

 

 

Please

Please

If I go while you’re still here…
Please know that I live on,
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
Please do not wish it was you instead of me.
You will not see me, but you must have faith.
Celebrate my life, smile for I am in a better place.
I’ve now joined all those who went before me,
Please remember that and find peace.
Laugh with each other as you remember all the good times,
for there were so many good and bad moments we were blessed to live together.
Send me away with lots of love,
I want you all to be happy,
Please remember that we will someday reunite.
And when you need me until then,
Please just whisper my name in your heart,
… I will be there…
Until we meet again.
-Kbeautifulmind

 

This poem was written for my “Fake” Funeral program I had to make for a class project. However I love it and had to share so that my family can have it incase someday I really go.

Dear me,

There will be times when even though you have build up this strength…

You will feel weak.

Times, when you won’t understand the universe and it’s plan.

Times, when you will question your value and worth.

Those times will pass.

They must pass.

You must choose to believe in yourself again.

You must choose to remember you’re worthy.

Worthy of love, worthy of affection, worthy of attention, worthy of acceptance, worthy  of being chosen, and worthy of second chances.

There will be times like these, plenty of them…

Those times will pass.

-Kbeautifulmind