They say…

It’s been a couple of hard weeks for me. Since Easter morning I’ve been riding in a emotional roller coaster. They say time heals all wounds, but does it? 

To an extend we sure do hope it’s true, when you want to forget about something or someone. 

You break up with a significant other, lose a friend, or go through a traumatic event and as time passes it’s like “Oh, this is nice. I’m better.” 

Specially if they did something shitty to you then it’s like, “Wow! This is great, I can’t believe I was crying when it happened.” 

The memories slowly disappear and that person once again means nothing to you. 
But, when you lose someone you really love to death, time can be very dreadful. 

Losing my mother was hard, and it’s gotten easier to deal with but I don’t know if I could ever see the wound healing. 
My mom hated taking pictures, she was very shy and reserved and would just rather not be the center of attention. 

So, time passing with her being gone can be so scary. You feel like maybe you’ll forget them. Their isn’t no updated pictures, no more silly voice mails or text messages. You start feeling like you might be forgetting what their hugs, kisses, and voice felt or sounded like. You still remember them but it’s now at random and they still feel like they are there but it’s only sometimes… So you try. 

You try to pray to them, talk to them, and at night you even think about them with hope that they will visit you in your dreams. You even have moments where you think, “I’ve always been scared to see your spirit but it sure would be nice if this could happen now!” Just so you can get one more look at them, one more conversation, one more listen to their laugh. 

Letting go of someone who wasn’t good for you makes time passing a blessing. However, needing to accept that someone is gone that you weren’t ready to let go of is so dreadful. 

I miss her like crazy! 

I wish she was here to see all the shitty things that are happening and also all the awesome things that are happening. 

I miss her hugs and her hands running through my hair, when I asked her to help me get rid of me “head aches.” 

I miss her silly jokes and her wonderful words of advise with everything from school and life to even friendship and romance. 

I know she’s with me, but I could really use her presence in my life again. 

It’s just not the same since she’s left, and I think that no matter how much times passes, nothing could ever heal or fill that void I have in my heart. 

-Kbeautifulmind 

Please

Please

If I go while you’re still here…
Please know that I live on,
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
Please do not wish it was you instead of me.
You will not see me, but you must have faith.
Celebrate my life, smile for I am in a better place.
I’ve now joined all those who went before me,
Please remember that and find peace.
Laugh with each other as you remember all the good times,
for there were so many good and bad moments we were blessed to live together.
Send me away with lots of love,
I want you all to be happy,
Please remember that we will someday reunite.
And when you need me until then,
Please just whisper my name in your heart,
… I will be there…
Until we meet again.
-Kbeautifulmind

 

This poem was written for my “Fake” Funeral program I had to make for a class project. However I love it and had to share so that my family can have it incase someday I really go.

Dear me,

There will be times when even though you have build up this strength…

You will feel weak.

Times, when you won’t understand the universe and it’s plan.

Times, when you will question your value and worth.

Those times will pass.

They must pass.

You must choose to believe in yourself again.

You must choose to remember you’re worthy.

Worthy of love, worthy of affection, worthy of attention, worthy of acceptance, worthy  of being chosen, and worthy of second chances.

There will be times like these, plenty of them…

Those times will pass.

-Kbeautifulmind

The other night…

I really believe that when some one passes away God gives them a pass sometimes to come back to earth when they are needed.

The signs we see, the things we run into, the dreams. 

They can’t just be concidense, can they? 

I truly don’t think so. 

Everyone always says, “They will always be with you.” and yeah you believe them to an extend but, it’s just not the same. 

You try so hard to believe that but, you find yourself looking for that person in other people. 

In your girl friends, in the mothers of others, and in everything you see and do. 

That little piece of your heart that’s now missing… is no where to be found. 

You look, you look, you try, and you try… 

But, nothing or anyone fills up that missing piece. 

The other night I realize, that no one will ever understand that. 

Specially not those who decide to be pitty and some how make your life about theirs. 

When someone that means so much to you passes away, not only does your life change or do you change… 

But, nothing will EVER be the same. 

And I have honestly discovered that this comes with good and bad. 

One good thing is that you are given a whole new pair of eyes. 

You learned to love and appreciate life, things, and most of all the people in your life. 

You find yourself telling those you love how much you love them constantly and even announcing it to the entire world. Not as a way of trying to be “annoying” or shove it in someone’s face… 

But, as a way of expressing yourself because you out of all people KNOW how short life truly is. 

The other night I realized that I shouldn’t be sorry for this. 

and… 

I also realized that, some people will never understand it. 

The other night I realized, that those we lose are truly always going to be there for us. 

I finally dreamed my mom after so long, and her words were as perfect as they’ve always been. 

“Don’t feel bad, there is nothing to be sorry for. Remember, God sees it all.” 

-Kbeautifulmind