This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times. 

Nothing has changed, they still light up the tree on Myrtle Ave. with many lights and the carolers still sing on Friday nights. 

The streets in town are filled with decore, just like they’ve always been filled before.  

Your favorite house still lights up so bright, and Santa still drives around town sharing his Christmas spirit with all the children at night. 

This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times. 

Yet, to me this holiday is just another cold winter night.

Christmas films are no longer enchanting and even though it’s that time of the year…

I don’t feel the cheer even with music, tamales, and family near.

Where did the magic go? 

I desire to know…

Because, I don’t feel the spirit anymore…

This town looks the same, December’s still considered the best of times.

It’s just not the same without you here.

-Kbeautifulmind 

“I’m so proud of you”

“Congratulations on all your great efforts and accomplishments… I’m so proud of you. I’ve always believed in you girls…”

“I am a changed man,” he said…
“I’d like to apologize for anything I might have said…
I’d like to apologize “if” at any time, I hurt you, girls…”

Oh shit, I am really reading this…
even after all these years you dare to say “If”?

“I am a changed man,” he said…

Oh, you changed? Is that suppose to mean something to me, is that what you’re saying?

Let me back track to my childhood for a bit…
Forget it, I’ve let that rest.

Let me back track to age fifteen… When I believed that “maybe” you deserved a chance…
Forget it, I’ve let that rest.

Let me back track to my freshmen year in college… “You’re dumb, you’ll never amount to anything… the day you die… I’m going to thank god for it.”
Forget it, I’ve forgiven you and also let that rest.

Let me back track to a couple years ago…

You said my mom deserved the sickness she was given, yet she was the one who raised us while she was living…
How does such a warrior deserve such sickness?
Even though I’ve accepted that was her journey, I still have moments when I can’t seem to understand or believe it.
Why is it that the one that did what was right, deserved to go, and the bastard that showed us nothing but hate and violence, deserved more?

And who made you the superior to speak such words?

With time I learned that your words were nothing but words, coming from an ill man who’s own childhood had brought him to this mindset of urge.
The urge to hurt those around him and destroy…
I feel sorry for you, I do. Yet, this is still not a good enough excuse.

So many times I wish you would have been there, and when I grew up I realize how blessed I was to not be so privileged.

Yet, here you are “proud and all” what an “honor”…
Do you really think somehow you deserve to be loved by your daughters?

Do you think you have the right to be proud of MY accomplishments?

“You guys are my only ones always forever?”

Only ones? 26 years later?

I think you must have forgotten, mom was the only one there, you were a no-show…
She worked to die, we never saw her…
But she had to be tough because you weren’t man enough.

Why don’t you do us both a favor and pretend we are dead too.

“I just want to tell you that no matter what happens, you guys will never be dead to me or will stop being my beautiful daughters. Because the day you two were born marks the day that you will forever be my daughters and I will wait forever with open arms…”

Ooohhh, now your arms are open?
I guess you didn’t know that your little girl would grow up to be so strong, so capable, so accomplished, or so admirable

They say be careful with the things you say, because once you say them you can’t take them back.

Let me back track…
“You’re dumb, you’ll never amount to anything…”
Forget it, I’ve let it rest.

You say you’re proud?
Well, sit back, because I am just getting started.

-Kbeautifulmind

Todo lo que haces en tu vida le afecta a alguien y eso dependiendo de tus acciones. Inspiraras a algunos, decepcionarás a otros, y hasta le cambiarás la vida a muchos. La idea es vivir felizmente, de una manera cambiar el mundo, y dejar algo atrás en cual serás recordado/a. 
A veces el miedo de no saber cómo afectarás a otros, ó qué dirán de ti, te detiene.

Pero recuerda, la gente siempre tendrá algo que decir… 

si te tienen envidia, si tu existir les molesta, ó les afecta de alguna manera. Tal vez es porque algo estás haciendo ó algo hiciste correcto en tu existencia. 

-Kbeautifulmind 

I will not 

I will not allow anyone or anything make me feel sorry for the way I love. I love hard. 

I love sincerely. 

I love with all my heart. 

I love this way because I have lost. 

I love this way because I know we are not all here forever. 

I love this way because I am grateful. 

I will now allow anyone or anything make me feel sorry for the way I love. 

Because If I intimidate the relationships of others for the way I love myself, my friends, and family… 

Then it’s is completely obvious that I am not the one with a problem. 

-Kbeautifulmind 

Pep Talks 

Never feel sorry for being you. Even if your way of being intimidates others as long as you mean no harm and you are being the real you, then you’ve done nothing wrong.

Never apologize for being honest, true, appreciative, or loving. 

There is not that many people in this world with pure and kind hearts anymore. 

There is nothing to be ashamed of. 

Don’t change or filter your true self. 

No matter who you lose along the way, as long as your conscious is clear and your heart is pure… 

You won’t be the one losing. 

-Kbeautifulmind  

When my mom passed…

When my mother passed, my life began. My world came crashing down, and a piece of my heart died with her. 

However; her death was the beginning of a beautiful and perfectly imperfect new me. 

When my mother passed, I promised to love deeper. 

I promised to express my love for those I cared about, and appreciate them to my full potential. 

I promised to be grateful for the love and blessing friendships I was so lucky to have. 

I promised to appreciate the kindness and help of all of those that had showed me so much support. 

I promised to be good. 

I promised to do good. 

I promised that even though I knew I wasn’t perfect, I’d always try to be the best. 

I promised that I’d be a good person in this world but that when I wasn’t, I’d forgive myself and not play victim or be too hard on myself. 

When my mom died, my world came crashing down…

Only to rebuild itself to the world I’ve always wanted to live in. 

In this world I forgive, I hurt but I look at the bright side. 

I do my best to over come anything thrown my way, and I TRULY live and love the life I’m living. 

When my mom passed, my life began. 

-Kbeautiflmind