Here I am…

Here I am on his bed once again.
His dirty little secret is what I am.
He doesn’t love me, he never will, for I am not relationship material.
He loves another and this I know, yet I have no one to call my own.
So here I am on his bed once again, as he talks dirty to me and rips off my dress.
He takes my panties off with his teeth, and for a moment I feel pleased.
Until I think of her and I, and how I can’t compare to her and what she’s got.
Here I am on his bed once again, the other woman, the one who feeds him his piece of cake.
The one she cries about, and hates so much, the one that doesn’t let him arrive on time.
I sometimes wish I could explain myself, tell her he’s the one I love, but I don’t dare.
For what I feel doesn’t matter here, I am just his little whore and she’s the one he can’t let go.
Here I am on his bed once again, degrading myself because I have no one to call my own.


I wrote this, only because I can only imagine how mistresses feel and why they must continue on with that role.
Is it love?
I’d wish I could understand what makes women betray other women in this way?

I want you

I don’t need you, and that’s what makes you special.
I want you, and wanting you like this feels so much better than needing you or anyone, as a matter of fact.
I want you, me wanting you is pure, it’s actual, it’s honest, it’s real.
I’ve never wanted anyone in my life, but somehow you have come along and I want you.
I want to continue to feel the emotions you bring me upon.
I want to continue to see your smile on mornings when we can sleep in.
Only to be followed by morning love making and yummy breakfast to finish.
I want to continue to laugh so naturally like only you have made me do.
I want to bicker about the little things we bicker about on purpose to mess with the other.
I want to continue to get to know you, and I want to see where it all goes.
I don’t need you, I want you.


Deja vu nightmares

She walked out the door, unsure if her body was tagging along.
She didn’t understand why any of it was happening.
It felt like a dream, a nightmare she wanted to wake up from.
Nothing made sense, how could this make sense?
With frustration she whispered…

“Cancer? Why the fuck would she deserve that?”

Nothing made sense…
She took a deep breath and then she looked up to the sky and said…

“Take anything away from me, take it all if you will; but please… please, let me keep her, let her win this fight.”

And then she woke up, only to remember she was already gone.

Yet, another question…

“How do you still believe in love?”

I still believe in love because its one of the best things we can feel on this earth. I’ve known what it’s like to value someone else’s happiness above my own and its amazing.
I’ve known how it is to feel unstoppable when you hold someone’s hand and I want to feel that again.
I like to be fascinated by every single thing about somebody else and never get bored, even if it would be boring to everyone else.
I like the feeling of love that makes you feel real.
I like that someone can tear down my walls and see me for me.
I don’t mind if it’s not perfect, I’m willing to fight to make it better.
I still believe in love because I absolutely love the challenge.
It’s an addicting high that I’m willing to feel again and again till it becomes permanent.


I won’t…

I won’t beg someone to love me.

If it’s one thing I have always known, there is no use in hopeless pleas.

Not everyone you fall in love with will be yours to keep.

You see the thing about love is that it’s not technically reciprocal, because falling in love is actually a one way street.

You fall in love because YOU love how that person is, yet they might not find you as intriguing as you found them to be.

There is no need in asking someone to stay, for if they saw your worth and value they would never try and walk away.

I want to be loved unconditionally by someone who likes me for me, I do not wish to fight so hard just to make them see me for me.

I do not have time to prove to someone I am what they need, for only they know what it is they want and require, plus you can’t just magically light the fire…

The fire will come from within, it will always be lit; even if it doesn’t last it is something that can’t just go out in minutes.

Therefor I won’t beg for someone to love me, there is no use in hopeless pleas.

For love isn’t something you can just give, it’s something that is felt and builds up with time, something that you feel when you give someone a chance to see them for what they can be.


You been on my mind

You been on my mind.

I lose myself in time just thinking of your face.

God only knows, why he brought you in my life, but what I do know is I wanted you to stay.

I thought you felt it too, the comfort and the warmth.

There was something about you, that made me feel at home.

Your body was so comforting, your smile made me happy.

In you I saw something I had never felt before.

With you I felt confident and complete, so I figured you felt it too.

You been on my mind, I lose myself in time just thinking of your face…

the face I’ll never get to kiss again.


The perfect example

You’re still the perfect example.
The way you loved me was un conditional.
Because of you I hold no grudge, towards the one who came and broke my heart.
You’re still the perfect example, because of you I know what true love looks like.
Thanks to you I still have hope, thanks to you I still believe.
Because of you, I know how being truly loved should be.
You’re still the perfect example, thanks to you I know exactly what I need. 



Blaming those around you for your unhappiness.
Stop assuming that people don’t care because they are not mouth feeding you, or picking up your slack.
Stop blaming “life” for your negativity.
If you are not happy with what you have now, you won’t be happier with everything you believe you need.
Happiness and positivity comes from within, only then will you be able to take on life and what is thrown your way.